h2>Dating : Patience is a true virtue.
“An ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay” — https://www.dictionary.com/browse/patience?s=t
This definition of Patience from Dictionary.com speaks volumes. As an impulsive, impatient person, I know my mind experiences restlessness 24/7.
The basic concept of patience is clear — to remain calm while you wait for anything.
The relationship stages.
When you meet someone that catches your heart’s attention, the first stage is getting to know them. Getting to know their likes, dislikes, and what they enjoy in life takes patience. This stage allows for more than just getting to know them. Getting to know how they work, how they think, how they operate, how they do things on a daily basis. This stage is supposed to be the fun, relaxed stage.
You know they are busy. You know they have a life. For some reason though, you feel compelled to keep the conversation flowing… leading to double or triple texts.
I impulsively rush through this stage.
That is my flaw. I am not patient. As a hopeful romantic, I am so excited to get to know them that I dive all in. Even though it is with good intentions, I scare people away because of how passionate I am about getting to know what makes them the person they are today. I double-text, over-analyze, and I push them away… in the stage where it is supposed to be fun and exciting. Nothing about overwhelming your romantic interest is fun. I know that, yet I still display the impatience.
How do you become patient in the talking stage?
To be honest, it is a learning process. It will not happen overnight. I have learned to remind myself of what the talking stage should be — fun and exciting. It is a constant work in progress for me because I get overly excited to read their responses. Bombarding them will overwhelm them, which in turn, will drive them away. Send your initial message(s), then calmly await their responses. Play it cool and remember that they are learning how you work, how you operate, and how you communicate also.
This next epiphany popped into my mind while lying in bed, meditating to calm my anxious nerves when I awaited a response… It is easier said than done, but it can be achieved over time.
“I am excited to talk to them.” Replace your anxious thoughts and feelings with excitement. You should be excited to see their name pop up on your screen. You should be excited to read their responses. Remember, the talking stage is supposed to be fun.
The butterflies (or the whole zoo) should be running through your mind and body, giving you such exciting thoughts and emotions.
You should not be nervous or anxious about their responses. You should be excited and joyful to read their responses. Replace worrisome thoughts with, “I wonder what their answer will be to what their favorite hot cocoa flavor is.” “I wonder what makes them the person they are today.” “I wonder what makes them laugh or what makes them smile from ear to ear.”
In conclusion, here is everything you should practice to learn how to be patient and how to enjoy the talking stage.
- Remind yourself that this stage is fun and exciting. You should not be nervous. It is easygoing and sweet. Be laid back and enjoy connecting with this person. “I am excited to talk to them.”
- If you feel yourself becoming impatient, then go listen to your favorite music on repeat. This works for me and works wonderful because it keeps me in a good mood while serving as a positive distraction. You could simply put your phone in another room and leave it, kind of like “out of sight, out of mind”. You do not want to bombard them.
- Do not rush this fun and exciting stage. If you impulsively rush, then the fun and excitement will diminish within two weeks and that is NOT what we want.
I have a hard time knowing that I learned this late in the dating world. So many “what if’s?” have plagued my mind and I have cried over knowing I missed amazing relationship potential due to overwhelming romantic interests with my impulsive and impatient actions. Now that I know these strategies and actually understand the talking stage, I will practice them with happy thoughts and patient tendencies. I hope you do as well.