h2>Dating : Please Reject Me
You know what sucks… getting rejected. You know what sucks more? Not getting rejected. Let me explain:
Ever since being ghosted years ago, I promised myself that I was on an anti -ghosting movement.That no matter what, after every single date I went on, If I felt lukewarm about the person or just didn’t feel the connection, I would just tell them. They would send me a text saying “I had such a lovely time, can I see you again?” and I would speak my truth. Speaking your truth should feel natural and effortless. If I didn’t feel the spark or connection, I would just tell them.
You might think this is brutal. But you know what’s funny? Every response would be positive. Guys who I ‘rejected’ would text me a “thank you”. A thank you for not wasting their time, a thank you for being transparent and a thank you for not playing games.
It seems that people are so scared to hurt other people’s feelings that in turn we are actually causing more damage. I would receive mixed signals from guys and wish that I had a clear answer. Them always acting hot and cold. Being great on dates but awful at texting? How many self help books do I need to read? How many people do I need to help me decode his text? He’s a Capricorn…ok let me check our compatibility. It’s exhausting. Then as time would pass, things would fizzle and you would realise that he was NEVER really into you.
So why do people ghost? Because they see speaking their truth as rejecting you.
We need to reframe this: You telling someone you’re not into them is not rejecting them. It is freeing them. It is freeing them from negative thoughts. It is freeing them from their fantasies. It is freeing them to move on to better things.
I once went on a date with some graphic designer dude. The date (in my mind) went so well. We had so much in common, we had a lot of banter and non — stop laugher. We were flirting, smiling and enjoying the sunset views. I was already excited for our second date. After a few days of sporadic texting and no organising of a second date, I felt something was off. Skip to a week later when I get the message:
“I’ve been thinking and after some thought, I don’t think we should date again. I just do not see it working. I think you’re lovely but I am not sure we are compatible.”
Oh. My. God. What a relief. Thank you for the honesty. How refreshing. Ironically this rejection didn’t make him an asshole. I actually respected him so much more. Thinking…he’s actually a good guy.
Rejection to me is the biggest blessing. It is the universe’s way of not letting us settle for mediocrity. There is so much more for us out there. Rejection = Redirection. Redirecting us to what we truly deserve.