Dating : Red Flags When You’re Looking for an Emotionally Mature Partner

Emotional development doesn’t necessarily come with age, so there’s no guarantee the adult you select as a partner will be at a similar developmental stage as you. Indeed, you might date someone immature, yet not recognize their lack of personal growth until you’ve invested time and energy.

Rather than become entangled in a lop-sided relationship, where you are more like a parent than an equal partner since you have all the wisdom, note these red flags. They show someone isn’t yet ready for a mature, long-lasting relationship.

You might discuss light topics with an immature person, but with issues that require deeper reflection, there’s no chance of a meaningful debate.

Immature individuals don’t ponder issues deeply. They sometimes repeat common opinions without thinking for themselves. So, they could hear gossip and take it on face value, even when it has no merit, because they don’t stop to consider the finer details.

It’s hard to engage them in satisfying banter because they aren’t deep thinkers. Often, they haven’t considered their needs, other people’s requirements, or how issues impact the world.

Unlike people who gain energy from being among a crowd, emotionally immature people hate to be alone because they can’t stand their own company for long. They are easily bored by themselves and experience discomfort. Their unease stems from dislike of peace and quiet in which thoughts and feelings arise.

They like to surround themselves with company and stay busy because it helps them avoid thoughtful contemplation. They find their emotions hard to handle, if they recognize them at all, and do their best to steer clear of opportunities for navel-gazing.

Mature people, on the other hand, are okay alone once their need for community is met. They are fine with contemplation, reflection, and looking at events to seek personal growth and understanding.

Immaturity stems from not learning life lessons. We all meet difficulties, but how we deal with them determines whether we become wiser because of them.

You can go through many trials, yet learn little because you gloss over them or refuse to deliberate how they influence your wellbeing or the best ways to change for the better.

An immature partner won’t contemplate past events or their own negative behaviors. Since they have no insight, they don’t progress. They age, but their emotional development is static.

It’s not uncommon for an individual lacking emotional maturity to make light of self-development practices or other people who aim to improve on a spiritual, emotional, or mental level.

Rather than engage in a meaningful discussion about philosophy, for instance, they will scowl, degrade the idea at hand, or inform you the topic is rubbish. They are skilled at put-downs regarding self-improvement and will suggest you are a mutton-head for wasting time reading self-help books, attending self-development classes, or thinking too deeply. If your self-esteem is low, you might even believe them.

Due to never looking back at problems and events with the power to shape their lives, immature people have little to say about their childhood. They can recall significant events, like their parent’s divorce, but not how these events made them feel.

The same goes for later experiences, which aren’t felt fully. Their own breakups, job losses, health issues, or loss of loved ones, for example, are not processed completely. They don’t get in touch with their emotions or allow themselves to deal with what happens to them. Thus, they store a massive amount of emotional baggage that waits to spring loose later.

In the meantime, they might avoid your emotional issues too, since these remind them of theirs. Hence, they could offer words of sympathy when you meet times of sorrow, but aim to ‘cheer you up’ with distracting activities and topic-changes.

Immature people might be perfectly nice. Fun, even. But they aren’t ready for a meaningful relationship. If you want to burn the midnight oil with someone while you enjoy meaningful discussions, or share a journey of mutual self-discovery, avoid individuals who refuse to grow.