Dating : Resolutions of the Year of Exhalation

A new year upon me and with a very convincing argument, I tell my peeps that I have had enough of their blathering and misconstruction of issues and tell them what I really think. I am a changed person now, so eviscerated the person that I was, that I now stand proud and tall and chubby with flat feet and torn spine to say that I will surely eventually become in its due time, when it is convenient, a better person.

The issue is, apparently, that I am a very “horrible” person and that changing for the better is in the realm of possibility, but not of probability. Which makes sense to someone, but not to me, who has stopped making sense of things, and has begun to take action where it matters: in me. Because if I change, someone next to me changes, and then someone close to that person changes, and on and on, and then the world changes, and all the problems of the world are over. The mentality, I tell them, it all starts in the mentality and it grows from there, like mold in my unwashed stomach into something greater.

Nowhere else was to go but up, I say to myself as the year goes by, but because I am such a unique individual with a wacky personality, there are much roadblocks that I have to destroy before I get to be the person I want to be. But because I am also very crafty, I instead circumvent them and take long rests to wherever, because I am changing the way I think about the objectives of my life. And because they will make me a better person, I can do whatever I want and need to reach them. I can reach out my hand to me who is hungry, smile at the beauties of the world that are in me, and marvel at the sights of the greatest wonders of nature, which might be me once I am complete in my journey of self-discovery.

Due to this, my mantra to keep myself occupied, has been the following:

“Love forever, dance like no one’s watching, cry when you need to, jump when you feel to do it, laugh whenever, wherever, run to where you need to be, believe in yourself, appreciate the beauty of life, enjoy the little things, scratch your itchy legs, brew mineral water, blow into tissues, cough with a mask on, masquerade to hide when you are walking along a darkened road in a haunted forest, hoop your muscles, trail your crush when they are not watching, amplify your voice, feed your pigs, chop down the trees, paint the walls of other people, burn tires, veer into the opposite direction, drink until you puke your breakfast, sizzle for no reason at random babies, lie naked on hot cement, skin the parts of your body that are of no use, cut your hair until you are bald, tattoo your eyes if you dare, play one videogame, rub your nose against a nice, exuberant crotch, inflate balloons with your saliva, grow your own pimples and spread them to others, dirty your feet in transmission oil, petrify your own reflection in stone, watch a movie with subtitles, saw a body in a magic show and in a ‘magic’ ‘show’, smoke pungent dope, key a random car, wipe your ass with a strange object, sand your elbows, click on links that start with the sound you make when you yawn, say yes to everything and say no to everything, decide rationally your every decision, save the meager crumbs you get as pay for a future that will be terminated by climate change, kiss a lover, avoid diarrhea and migraines, lick coffee cans, dream big, and never, never stop!”

That is what I tell myself every day to myself so that I can keep myself on track and so far, it has been very exhausting and that’s it. I am very clueless, and that is all I can say for myself.