Dating : Starting Out Dating as a Virgin (Awkward & Raw)

So here I am, 22 years old and still a virgin conquering the dating world for the first time. Would you believe me if I told you I went on my first date this month? Well its true. So, I did as anyone would do whose looking to start a relationship and downloaded some dating apps. I started off with Bumble and Hinge and thought there was no way I would download Tinder. Well low and behold I did after not having luck on either of the others. So after being extremely frustrated and sad that I had been on these apps for weeks and had not been asked out I finally got asked out! It was a Friday night and the guy seemed decent enough so I said yes. The plan was to grab a drink but then since of Covid and what not we decided we would just watch a movie at his place. Normally, I would not agree to watch a movie with someone on the first date, but I was eager to go out with a guy. Did I mention that we matched that night about an hour before I went over I feel like that was a red flag I missed but oh well. So, he picks me up and to start off he was a terrible driver like he just got his license yesterday and was overly cautious. Also, he continuously talked over me on the way to his place. However, I was determined to have a good time.

So, we get to his place and we start to pick out a movie. I see his queue and his suggested movies and shows and they were all rom-coms and I do not mean you’re normal ones I mean all of the one’s that a you would expect your grandma or a twelve year old schoolgirl would watch. Movie after movie was a rom-com I think he had watched every single one possible on Netflix. Do not get me wrong I love rom-coms but who has the time to watch so many it was just a little overwhelming to get things started. So we settle on a movie and we are sitting so awkwardly far apart (I sat down first and then him). Eventually, he gets up and when he sits back down he puts his arm around me. At this point I am thinking things are going decent, but I am not really into him. As, the movie progresses his hands start to wander and I could tell he just wanted to make-out with me. To be honest I was avoiding it because I did not have a huge desire to kiss him. Eventually, I just go for it and then we stop and watch the movie then kiss again then stop. It was just an awkward sequence and no he was not a good kisser. I would not say that I am a great kisser either seeing how I have kissed only a handful of people, but he was way worse.

For some strange reason I decide to intensify the kissing, so I straddle him and not that this entirely matters but he was quite short I am 5’4″ and was taller than him. So eventually my shirt comes off and he was like lets go to the bedroom. I forgot to mention that I had my apple watch on and he kept checking my heart rate and continuously said “let me try to make that go up” (cringe). Also, every time he would touch me he would go “boop” it was weird. Anyway, he tries to pick me up and can not lift me (awk). Also, why do we need to go to the bedroom when we were home alone and its the first date for goodness sakes. But as ding-dong me does I go to the bedroom with him. He then excuses himself to go to the bathroom as I stand there without my top on.

When he comes back we start kissing again (still not good) and then he stops and says something along the lines of “no hickeys and I want to make sure you feel comfortable and we do not do anything you do not want to” (bonus points for the second part.) Here is the part I truly do not understand why did I not stop right then I was not enjoying the experience I really did not want to lose my virginity to him. None of my “experienced” friends would have kept going but for some reason virgin me feels pressured to. It makes no sense to me why do I feel this pressure to go on with something I do not want to. So more clothes start coming off and my bras off and my breast is in his mouth for one second (not exaggerating) so now I’m thinking why in the world is my top off when nothing is happening. I start feeling weird and then he asks if its okay to take my pants off (NO!!!) and I nod yes (WHY!!). He was not very skilled in anything he was doing for the brief period he was doing it and oh so rough (again I wasn’t into it so there wasn’t much lubrication if you know what I mean) thankfully he would only do something for about 30 seconds and then move on. Then we started making out and I said “let’s save something for the second date” (again why couldn’t I just say let’s stop). So now he thinks I like him and want to go out with him again (I do not).

He ends up bringing me back home and he walks me to my door. Thankfully, we did not kiss goodnight. And there that is my first real date.