Dating : The Ghosts of Our Lives

Reading the title of this article, you probably think I’m talking about dead people, I’m not. I’m talking about the living, breathing people who affect our lives, make significant connections with us, and vanish into thin air without a trace. For no apparent reason (known to us at least).

This has become normalized as a well-known phrase called “ghosting”. It has become such a common occurrence in all of our lives, that we’ve all accepted it as a casual, routine behavior. Well, I am here to tell you it’s not.

It’s toxic

If that person you cut off did nothing to seriously harm you (physically, emotionally, or otherwise), then completely disappearing from their life without explanation is not only toxic, it can be extremely traumatizing to them as well. Especially if you had a significant friendship, relationship, or connection with one another.

I remember the first time it happened to me, back in high school. One of my closest friends I had known for years one day just stopped talking to me altogether. At the time I didn’t know how to respond or defend myself so I didn’t. The thing I remember the most was the lingering questions that ran through my head for months, even years: “Why? What did I do to deserve this? Did I do something wrong?” I had no perception of the reasoning behind her cutting me off. I never knew. All I know is that each time someone does ghost me, it affects my mental health and puts a damper on my self-confidence. It’s extremely damaging, to say the least.

It’s immature

There could be a number of reasons why you don’t want to have a connection to that person anymore, and that’s completely fine. But they deserve an explanation. Don’t just leave them hanging and wondering what they did wrong. And, if you wanting to disconnect has nothing to do with them at all, then that’s even more of a reason to let them know.

Sure, it probably wasn’t a big deal when you did it in high school. But this is a continuous thing that happens to people who are grown, adults. Communication is key in all aspects of life, so if you’re a grown adult who defaults to going silent in situations as a solution, it’s going to affect you in more ways than one.

They deserve closure (and you do too)

As humans, closure is essential. Sudden radio silence isn’t only hurtful, it’s startling to our brains. And even if you were the “ghoster” you will most likely benefit from simply letting them know why you don’t want to continue that connection you had with them. It might be difficult to give them an open explanation, and that’s understandable. But it’s the most human, respectable thing to do in that situation.

Each time I have gone through this type of situation, all I ever wanted was a simple reason why. So I could move on from it and not dwell on the past. I think the main thing “ghosters” are afraid of is a confrontation. But that usually isn’t how it will pan out. If you give that person honest clarification as to why you want to go your separate ways, I can almost guarantee they will back off and not be as hurt as they would be with you just disappearing.

A final note

To those who have been ghosted remember that (ironically) it’s the ghosts who are afraid. So don’t blame yourself for their disappearance. They have deeper issues within they need to solve anyway. So you’re better off without the ghosties.