Dating : The Grey Areas of Dating Following a Sexual Assault

When someone has attacked and violated you in the worst way possible, the top priority moving forward is setting yourself up in a situation where that won’t ever happen again.

Or, at least, we try our best to do so.

I was very picky when I decided I was ready to date again, and wasn’t going to settle for anything less than a relationship I felt completely and utterly safe in.

I wasn’t looking for a husband this time around — but I was also not looking to almost get raped again, either.

Was there anyone out there who would actually see my vow for what it was? That I have the right to make whatever decision I choose with my body, and that the nature of our sexual relationship could still be fun and extensive, just not including intercourse?

It didn’t seem like such a wild idea in my brain — I’ve never once expected someone to be okay with it, and have always respected the guys who said, “Sorry, that’s not for me”.

If this isn’t your cup to tea, kindly show us both respect and take your leave.

The man I dated after my abuser was a quiet, stoic gentleman. He was the cousin of a friend, so I had a reference to attest

He was, and still is on a deep psychological level, my safest place to land at the time.

He only ever treated me with the utmost kindness, and offered me a safe space to process my trauma and once again see the joys associated with being in a partnership.

Following that boyfriend, I then found my husband-to-be. My home. My safe world. A place where I could retreat to when things got hard, and where it felt like the entire world melted away.

With him, there was only light. The darkness vacated. I was whole again.