Dating : The New Normal Is Not All Bad

A date with COVID19

We are in New Jersey, the nation’s most densely populated state and therefore one of the hardest hit by COVID19. Nearly 16,000 people have died from coronavirus in New Jersey since the pandemic began.

We are right next door to New York which was the epicenter of the outbreak at the beginning.

In March of this year, both states ordered schools and nonessential businessses to close. This put a decided damper on all social activities, including dating.

With nowhere to go and a deadly virus in the air, I believe most people, myself included, just gave up on dating.

But we are social animals at our core. We need to interact with other humans. And love won’t die.

As we flattened the curve and slowed the spread of the virus through social distancing, hand washing, mask wearing and staying home as much as possible, states slowly permitted restaurants to offer outdoor dining which is considered much safer than gathering indoors.

When I matched with a man on OKCupid whose stated age was 60 located in Brooklyn, it seemed like something worth exploring even if we weren’t going to meet right away. Our profiles were a good match, in any case.

At first he said I was just too far away. I felt the same. Yet, we continued to chat.

I learned he was actually only 34 years old but had inflated his age in hopes of dating older women. I’m 57. He liked my hair.

He was excited when I suggested we meet in spite of all the obstacles so he could see my hair in person. We planned to meet near me and have a meal outdoors. Seemed safe enough.

Of course, the virus has not gone away. We are just getting better at ignoring the reality of its ability to infect everyone it comes in contact with.

So I waited at the table on the sidewalk wearing a mask in the sweltering August heat for this young man from Brooklyn to arrive on the train then walk to meet me. The awkwardness of a first date was enhanced by the virus lingering in the air. I was a little afraid.

But there we were. Sitting about 6 feet apart, outdoors. He offered me some hand sanitizer in a new normal type of courtesy.

It seems there is no engaging with others at the moment without discussing the pandemic and the myriad ways it has changed the world. He was currently unemployed because he had worked in the tourism industry.

I was grateful for the umbrella that provided some shade in the 90 degree heat. Still, we both were sweating.

I always love meeting someone new for the opportunity to have a conversation about their life story. I find such stories fascinating.

This conversation was deep and intimate. Over a sandwich and a salad we easily talked for close to 2 hours. A summer rain came and cooled off the sidewalks. The air was refreshed

There was reciprocal sharing of very personal details about our health and history. Some of it was quite awkward. It was intense.

We were sitting in the county seat and it looked like there was a lot going on. Going for a walk seemed like a logical and pleasant option when we were done eating.

The sun was shining and it was close to 90 degrees. Sweat notwithstanding, my disability held me back from walking around our quaint, historic New Jersey town. But I didn’t want to be a party pooper, and was enjoying the company and conversation so I suggested we walk across the street for frozen yogurt.

He asked me if it was painful for me to walk. I told him it was. It became clear we weren’t going far.

I felt another awkward minute when he carried our yogurt out of the shop because I clearly couldn’t carry my own with my cane in my right hand and my left hand mostly nonfunctional. I can’t do the romantic walkabout.

I had to sit at the nearest table outside and eat.

Our conversation continued to easily flow as he enjoyed his creamsicle yogurt with no toppings and I had vanilla with brownie bite topping.

It seemed like we could talk for hours, and we already had. There was a positive attraction.

A bit more awkwardness as dinnertime was approaching. Neither of us was on a schedule. It was time to go. I was hot. He had a long trip back to Brooklyn.

We stood up. How to say goodbye?

He said, “I’d like to kiss you.”

I said, “I don’t think I can. I’m a little too freaked out. We have already shared a lot of air,” or something to that effect.

I tried to make it clear that I would have liked to kiss him, too. I just wasn’t comfortable enough. There was a lot of stumbling over words. He totally understood and was perfectly understanding. So with a wave and a smile we went our separate ways.

I sent him links to some stories I’ve written online to read on the train, as well as one for my book of poetry on Amazon.

Amid so much doubt about meeting a much younger man during a pandemic, it turned out to simply be a delightful afternoon when I made a great new friend who is sure to become one of my fans.

He is talking about making the journey to see me again in a few weeks.

Being distant on a date with someone of interest is not normal. But my date with the man from Brooklyn in the new normal was fantastic because we managed to truly connect from 6 feet apart.