Dating : The Stars Won’t Always Align

Compatibility at first sight is bullshit, frankly. Compatibility means that you work well with someone. That you enjoy each other’s company, have similar views, and are agreeable. But it’s not love.

It is a part of it, for sure. You can’t have love without being compatible, without having an appreciation for each other and wanting to be around each other. But you can have compatibility without love; friendships, acquaintances you spend time with — you may be compatible with all of them.

Once you decide to build a relationship with someone, once you decide to love someone, the rest comes after.

Ted Huston, a professor at the University of Texas claimed that compatibility is often overrated. is research showed that there was no objective difference in compatibility between happy and unhappy couples.

The unhappy ones think compatibility is important to a good marriage — but they don’t think they have it. People overemphasize the effect of personality or values. And they underemphasize the extent to which congenial temperaments aid marriages.

Here’s the thing: for people who believe that love is something that just happens overnight, then the compatibility argument makes sense. If you’re simply falling, and then never thinking about it again, the person you fall for would need to conform to a lot of the same beliefs and ideals, hobbies, and passions as you.

To put it in a non-relationship perspective, it’s the people who find their friends in sixth grade based on proximity and tee-shirt choice, and they’re still friends thirty years later based roughly on those same parameters. Like, it works, but it’s probably not that good.

But love isn’t the simple act of falling in love one day and then coasting for the remainder. Relationships aren’t built like that. Love is a choice every day, to be with someone regardless of differences or difficulties. It’s understanding that you won’t always get along, or have the same perspective. But being okay with it.