Dating : The story of deception. 6 ways to avoid becoming a victim.

Hi, friends! Yesterday I finally finished watching the series “Black Mirror”. Did you see the third episode of the third season? For those who didn’t — this episode is about several strangers, who were victims of blackmail from Internet-criminals. Fraudsters manage to get some incriminating material for each user involved, after which the game begins. The point of the game is to make desperate people take orders from fraudsters not to make dirt spread. When I watched this series, I thought that it would be very scary to be in the place of these frightened people, stranded on the edge of the precipice. Yes, I’m not arguing with the fact that these heroes were caught on something immoral and probably they deserved a punishment, but they definitely didn’t deserve such bullying.

Everything is clear with this story, but as it often happens in real life, some ordinary and innocent people, who think they found their love, become targeted by criminals. Today’s story is about it.

My friend Jin (the name was changed upon the request of the narrator) was very lonely for a long time. His relationship with girls weren’t going well since school. I need you to understand: Jin is a very smart guy, he’s always been different from others of being able to learn quickly and easily, which is why he was one step ahead of his peers. It so happens that Jin was the subject of bullying since childhood. It was difficult for him to meet people in such circumstances, so it is easy to understand why his dating relationships didn’t work out. As we know, such people are often become vulnerable and take everything personally. Resentment keep pouring in from year to year and it becomes more and more difficult to fix over time.

In 2007, after high school, Jin enrolled at one of the best IT universities in the USA. His plans were to start a new life, meet new people, make friends and find love. But everything didn’t go exactly as planned. Despite the fact that Jin was finally in his own circle, the relationships with girls still weren’t working out. After some time, out of desperation, he made up some dating profiles and he managed to meet several girls. But after the first meeting, the chosen ones disappeared and stopped answering to messages for some reason. He was confused. On the one hand, he was happy that he was finally able to go on a couple of dates, on the other — he was upset that this had no continuation.

After a couple of months of trying, Jin met a girl from Ukraine called Anastasia. She sought to recognize him unlike everyone else, that’s why he gravitated to her. She tried to find out what he loves, what hobbies he has, what he likes and what doesn’t. They had a lot of ​​common topics to talk about, she understood him! Sometimes she’d be gone for a couple of days and did not reply to his messages, but she was always come back. Time passed and Jin formed an attachment. They made some joint plans and he could not imagine his life without her. There was a series of skype calls between them and she was always sincerely with him.

Things were just the way they should be, they scheduled a meeting and they waited for the end of the academic year to spend their vacations together. They planned to meet in Kiev, stay there for a several days, and go to Europe after that. By that time, Jin already worked for an IT company and he was able to pay for the air tickets and book hotels on his own, but Anastasia insisted on splitting the check. He had no time to organize the trip, so she simply sent different travel options to him and they discussed them. After a while, he transferred her a sum of money through Western Union so that she could book tickets and hotels. When everything was ready, she sent him vouchers and checks, but he did not even open these files. He trusted her.

But at a certain point, about three months before the trip, Jin felt something was wrong. Their relationship has changed within just a couple of weeks. Few times Anastasia got so nervous, she cried saying it’s all been a mistake. Finally, she told him that they do not know each other at all. She began to get lost more often. She didn’t answer his calls and messages, which impacted the effectiveness of his study and work. Since then he had trouble sleeping and became addicted to alcohol. He was slowly falling into depression.

A month later, Anastasia appeared online and told him that they need to talk. She informed him that she is seriously ill and need a surgery. He understood that she didn’t want to tell him all this information. She wanted to end their relationship without any explanation just not to disappoint him.

Of course, Jin was ready to help her. He knew that she didn’t have any money for the surgery. For a few days she did not tell how much money she need to avoid looking live a liar. But he loved her, trusted her, wanted to save her life, so he encouraged her to get the help. 35 thousand dollars. Not so much money to save someone you love. Of course, my friend had no funds set aside. He had to get a loan from a bank and borrow the remaining ten thousand from one of his teachers named Mike, the man he worked on a project. Jin made a transfer with a few transactions. Anastasia called him after receiving the full amount and said that the surgery was scheduled for tomorrow. He waited for her call. Minutes were as long as hours. There was no call even two days after. He realized that the worst happened.

He lived in hell that month. He drank and ate anxiety drugs. He called on her phone an infinite number of times. He tried to find her friends or relatives in the first days after the surgery, but nothing worked. His condition began to deteriorate. Jin stopped appearing at university, he stopped returning calls and letters of colleagues. At some point, he had a thought that she deceived him. Because of this, he hated himself so much that he wanted to kill himself. Thus, my friend ended up on the edge of the precipice.

He was saved by the same teacher whose borrowed money for him. When Jin stopped appearing at university, the teacher thought that the student tricked him. And at some point he decided to call Jin. This call saved him.

According to Mike’s words: “When I called him and heard his speech, I realized that he need help. He hardly gave me the address and I called an ambulance and drove myself there. Doctors tried to put Jin back on his feet for a long time, but fortunately, intoxication from drunk alcohol and eaten pills was not fatal and finally they saved him. A few days later, we got a chance to to talk. Jin told me everything. He could not hold back his tears. I realized that I could not explain to him that probably he was the victim of a grandiose scam, but I managed to convince him that that he need the help of a psychotherapist.”

A few years later, I looked for a talented developer for one of my projects. I wrote to my long-time acquaintance Mike to clarify if he has a suitable person among his students. He said that he does and gave me the contacts of Jin. When i met him, I could not even imagine what he had to go through. Absolutely open, sincere and cheerful guy. We became friends. One day, me and Jin discussed the Internet fraud accidents and he told me his story. As it turned out during his treatment, Anastasia’s social media accounts were created half a year before they met, and the reservation of tickets and hotels were canceled three days after the “surgery”. He did not see any letters from hotels and airlines, because he hasn’t updated his mail. When the scammers canceled the reservations, all the money returned to their card, which allowed them to get another 5 thousand dollars. 40 thousand dollars. He has lost so much. But he managed to save his life. He paid back all the debts. Jin looks back into the past with a smile and he is incredibly grateful to Mike, whom he calls his savior. By the way, Jin recently got married and I am very happy for him.

This story has a happy ending, but not everybody manages to deal with such problems. Someone’s not able to defeat depression for years, someone ends up committing suicide. If you want to make sure this will not happen to you, I recommend you to read and follow this rules of online dating:

• Look for inconsistencies; if you find any, be cautious.
• Romance scammers tend to profess excessive romantic interest in their victims, and very quickly after “meeting” them.
• Scammers also tend to quickly try to move the discussion off the platform or app to some other form of messaging such as email, Skype, or a secure messaging app. This prevents any fraud detection systems employed by dating services or apps from monitoring their attempts to defraud their victims.
• It is common that after a while (weeks or months) and after having established some confidence, the person you know will tell you a very elaborate story that ends with a request for money, sending a gift or something similar. Never send money to someone you have met in an online dating scenario before getting to know them personally.
• Never share with the person you are meeting, especially if you do not know them personally, information that may compromise you, such as photos or videos, your address, place of work or phone number.
• If you decide to meet someone in person that you’ve met online, be sure to set up the meeting in a safe, public place.

Thanks for your time and please be careful in the choice who to trust.

Bye!