Dating : I [m, 27] have different communication habits (mostly texting) than the person [f, 26] I am currently talking to.
Hey guys, I am having some issues dealing with anxiety due to some differences in texting habits between myself and the woman I am currently dating.
It is by no means anything wrong with her, she has her own habits with phone time and I honestly wish I was a little less orientated to my phone.
Anyway, So I have always been a big time texter. Since my very first serious relationship a lot of communication has happened via text. Between girlfriends in highschool and the one or two ldrs I have had through some online dating, texting has always been a consistent feed in my life. Its somewhat my attention need fufiller i believe.
So sometimes during the more extended periods of no contact from the person I am talking to I get some serious social anxiety flare ups and I was just wondering if anyone else was having issues with this and what some positive coping mechanisms are. This is the first time I’ve dated someone with a very very radically different communication schedule so its very new to me and something I haven’t dealt with in the past.
I do talk to a therapist however it is infrequent due to costs, and this is a relatively new thing I’ve noticed but I will be bringing it up with them as well the next time I see them, but for now any suggestions would be appreciated 🙂
-Thanks ^.^
Keep yourself busy dude.
Anxiety comes from missing out on that dopamine hit from getting a text. When you hear the ding.
Turn off all your text notifications. They show on my screen if I check, but the phone doesn’t ring or vibrate. Kill the pavlovian dopamine response and it will mellow the phone anxiety.
I disagree that if she doesn’t want to text all the time she isn’t interested. I am NOT a big texter but have dated a couple of guys who were, it drove me batshit. Look at how she texts with other people. If she has a conversation for a few minutes then it’s over that’s how she is. I look at it like this, if the guy isn’t confident enough to have maybe one or 2 short conversations by text each day and then maybe a phone call phone call or maybe a phone call or visit that night without feeling insecure? Go away. I have a great life, I have room for someone in it but not someone I have to feel obligated to stop what I’m doing at dozens of times during the day to respond to. Communication is a balance that each couple have to find. If she is worth it then meet her more than half way. You don’t want to be a « have to » in anyone’s life. She will will feel that way and when she sees ANOTHER text she will think, I HAVE TO answer this or he gets all pissy and she will sigh and answer but there will be no joy in it for her.
Every person here says that you’re needy. But I do think that it’s just literally the way some people are. I myself hate texting. I’ve known a guy who was VERY extroverted that it’d torture him to not be able to text someone when he’s working with himself. For me, that was a turnoff to spend time with someone so attached to their phone. But I don’t think it was necessarily something wrong with him per se. He was actually a very interesting and busy person. We just weren’t compatible. I think you may be just like that.
You’ll meet all different kinds of people some people would like to text a lot and some people won’t. alita have to figure out how to adjust to those other people or decide that they’re not following the way you want and maybe don’t hang out with them. This includes people that you date.
However I think you’ll benefit more in life if you compromise with people that you interact with, rather than expect them to conform to your standards.
But keep in mind you don’t have to draw every effort from just one person. if you have a girlfriend and some friends and some anonymous online people that you interact with thru some group or hobby that you like, maybe they can all keep your texting needs satisfied while each of them may do their own level of texting and contacting with you, whatever level they need.
What are you doing with your life, where you can focus so much on texting??
stop being so fucking needy. if you reach out, they don’t respond then you leave them alone….
if they miss your call, send a quick text…
if you miss your text, send another a few days later l…
they miss the second text, wait til they reach out or bump into you on the streets…. it’s simple. you don’t have anxiety your a needy worse than a puppy. it’s more neurotic than anything
Let me make this crystal clear for you.
If she was interested, there wouldn’t be a communication issue.
She is politely dodging your needy behavior