Dating : The Time My Gay Ex-Boyfriend Found Out I’m A Woman

“We need to talk, don’t we?” I asked.

“Do you definitely want to have this conversation now?”

I sat up and shuffled close to him, I looked into his eyes. I sniffled and wiped a tear from my face.

“I think we have to… You go first.” I said.

“Okay.” He cleared his throat.

“First off, I don’t blame you. You haven’t done anything wrong. I know how it feels to fight against something with all your strength, and to deny it so strongly, thinking it’ll eventfully go away only to realise that’s not how it works and you can’t change your true self.”

His eyes welled up as he relived his 24th birthday, the day he drunkenly came out of the closet to his parents. He’d told me that story before, how he’d been so terrified of what they would think or say or do, but in the end they just hugged him and assured worse things happen at sea. His parents were lovely. I knew I’d miss them.

worse things happen at sea

“I wouldn’t want you to change. You’ve accepted yourself for who you are, and I could never come between that.” I said.

“Thank you.” He said. “I wouldn’t change the last two years.”

“Me neither. I don’t regret our relationship … I just kind of wish you weren’t gay.”

He wiped another tear from my cheek. “I just kind of wish you weren’t a girl … So what now?” He asked.

“We’ve reached the end, haven’t we?”

“I think so.” He said.

It was the most sincere relationship I’d ever had with anyone, and it was coming to an end after just two years.

I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and when I got to the bedroom he’d set down a glass of water on the bedside table. I get thirsty during the night. I pulled off my jeans and climbed into bed beside him. He hugged me tight, and I fell asleep in his arms, for the last time.

In the morning he was still there. We had breakfast and chatted casually as if nothing had changed, then he walked me to the railway station. He helped me on with my case. The buzzer sounded to say the train was about to leave, and we hugged for the last time.

The train pulled away, and I spent the journey looking back over our time together, but looking forward too, to the future.

…

Thank you for reading my story. If you like, you can follow me on Twitter @NJCalderwood, and visit my website NiamhCalderwood.com I also wrote a novel called Stranger Town which can be bought HERE.