Dating : Tired. Why?

Right now, I’m probably the most uncomfortable I’ve ever felt in my own skin.

I don’t mean because of my physical appearance but because I feel I’ve constantly been investing my time and my emotions in the wrong people.

Relationships, friendships, and even family.

I’ve been in a perpetual state of depression for the last year and I can’t seem to get back on my own feet.

I don’t even know where to start. But, I’ll try.

It’s like going from one failed relationship to another failed relationship.

When someone says they need “space”, what does it actually mean?

Well, it often means that you’re probably not going to be with that person much longer.

At least, that’s been my experience.

It’s annoying but at the same time, you need to respect it.

The part I have trouble wrapping my head around is how somebody can say they love you or have feelings for you, take space a few weeks later, and have a new boo within a week.

It makes me feel pretty worthless.

I feel like all the time and energy I invested into that person has been thrown straight into the trash.

I will shower my special lady with gifts and affection. What could I possibly be doing wrong?

Well, expecting a fair return is one of them.

Now relax for a second, I’m not talking about wanting gifts or affection. But something that in my mind is much simpler.

That is: time.

Over the past year, the amount of posts I’ve seen on Instagram that are used in relation to understanding yourself worth, one constantly pops up.

“Nobody’s always busy. There are 24 hours in a day. If someone wants to make time for you, they will.”

It’s a saying that really rings true with me.

I will make time for people that I really want to make time for.

But I haven’t been making the greatest choices lately…

So whenever my friends message and want to hangout, I’m out the door quicker than Flash.

Whenever a love interest calls, I don’t even hesitate to answer.

And maybe that’s the problem.

I’m starting to notice that throughout my life, I haven’t necessarily surrounded myself with people that are driven or motivated to become better.

I use my family matters as motivation to become better.

Whenever I see a challenge, I think about how angry I’ve become and how my friends and girlfriends (obviously at different times) are/were almost never there for me when I need(ed) them.

Maybe I’m talking crazy.

Maybe I’m just not able to accept that I am really a negative person.

Maybe I’m not at all who I think I am.

Maybe, I’m not who I want to think I am.

These are all possible.

Like I said, the last year has been hard and really has me questioning the people I’ve surrounded myself with.

I wish that I could have my confidence back.

I wish I never did anything nice for anyone.

I wish I could take back everything that’s happened in my personal life over the last year and a half.

When you ask me what I’ve learned?

I don’t even know what to tell you.

I’d say don’t believe that everyone’s got your back.

Some people seem like they have the best intentions for you but never judge a book by its cover.