Dating : To the Only Boy I’ve Ever Loved

To whom it may concern,

When I first met you I wanted to know what it was like to be in love. So I asked you and you gave a vague reply like “oh when you know, you know.” But now I know that I know.

During my elementary school years, before I became a typical girl and started to worry about my weight, I had a real sweet tooth. Every summer that I spent with my grandparents in India, I would beg them for all sorts of Indian confections. They bought me Kaju Katli, rasgulla, jalebi, pedha, kheer. I think they felt bad for me because at that time my family had barely enough money to afford regular food let alone intricate delicacies like Indian methai. I was happy enough with my food until one day a laddoo shop opened near my grandparents. The huge foodie that I was at that time, I insisted that me and everyone in my family visit. And that was the first laddoo that I tasted in my life.

The memory of the taste of all the other food I had eaten in India (and believe me there was a lot of quality and quantity) seemed to be forgotten. Because they all paled in comparison to the delicious yellow treat that was dissolving in my mouth. If happiness was a solid substance instead of a feeling it would be a ball of flour, fat, and sugar. In my opinion the greatest combination there was. Being a Hindu, I never believed in Heaven, but if there was a Heaven I know there would be an endless supply of laddoos in mine. And that’s how I know that I love you.

I’ve dated guys before, I’ve had rendezvouses with other men, but they were all kaju katlis, rasgullas, jalebis, pedhas, or kheers. But you’re my laddoo. When I’m with you I don’t feel like we’re the only two people in the world, nor do I feel like dying without you. Because that’s not love, that’s dependency. But when I’m with you I feel the same way I do when I’m tasting laddoos. I feel like I can touch happiness, breathe it in. But unfortunately like laddoos eventually are eaten and disappear, so did you.

But Shrey, it’s true that if I went back in time I would have done things differently. I would have chosen to meet you earlier, I would have chosen to be with you longer, but I wouldn’t ever change meeting you. Even if I knew that things were going to end the way that they have now. And I know that I can’t stop crying right now because of how full of happiness and sadness I feel but I won’t let my love go to waste. I know you always said that your previous girlfriends never cared about you, but maybe my problem was that I cared too much about you.

Because Shrey, after you left, I started seeing laddoos and methai everywhere. I left people, I left situations, I left hobbies, past times that were just regular methai. And now all I want in my life are laddoos. I am not the same person that I was when we first met. This naive, stupid, immature girl has changed into the woman that you will never recognize.

Sincerely,

The girl you left behind