Dating : What Does It Feel Like To Fall Inlove?

Here’s the story of me falling in love for the first time. In January of last year, I signed up for Match.com. If I wanted to find a real relationship, I needed to pay for it. I used all the free apps that lead to failed dates. I would go on 1–3 dates with a guy and then one of us would ghost. Dating as a millennial is a digital battlefield that I did not have time for. Another point to add was, I enjoyed being single. I could do my own thing and not have to worry about my feelings, that’s the Gemini in me. I cringed at the thought of being vulnerable with someone. I worked hard to build up walls to keep love out and they were not going to be easily broken. I knew my worth as a woman and what I bring to the table. I intended to stay single until I found my equal. Only my equal would deserve the privilege of getting to know me.

Towards the end of January, I was again feeling a lull from this dating app. Then I was scrolling through my “likes” and I saw the man who matched me. He was cute so, I dabble in scrolling through his profile and it seemed like we had a lot in common. I “liked” him back and that night he messaged me. A true love story I know,stay with me. Mutilple texts back and forth led to us going on our first date at your typical restaurant-bar combo. He was dressed nicely and smelled like manly heaven. I could feel that we were both nervous but in an exciting way. We sat at the bar, got a couple of drinks, and had your typical first date conversations. He told me that he skipped out on a “boys” weekend upstate because he already had planned a date with me. I started to feel my walls crack. At the end of the date we said he couldn’t wait to see me again and my walls cracked some more.

The week after our first date was my winter break during the school year. That whole week he made an effort to hang out with me. He even drove through a snowstorm to pick me up because I was too scared to drive to him in the snow. My walls cracked even more. He made me feel comfortable and secure with my body. His eyes glowed with interest in me. I never had to question is he was into me. As my Italian father always says” When a man is interested in you, you’ll know. He will show it.” As my walls were cracking they were replaced with gardens. Those gardens were growing with flowers as my heart began to open up. Cheesy, I know but that’s how it felt. I told him about my chronic anxiety and he did not back down. He held me tight and wanted to support me.

My love was a slow burn. Still cautious every step of the way. I felt appreciated, heard, supported and he could make me laugh like no other. He would commit to strong communication between us, pulling for my vulnerability. He wanted to know all my stories even the dark ones with no judgment. He cared more about my mind than my body. We would have deep conversations about the universe and how we are all connected. We would talk about the ugly sides of humanity. He would listen to me rant about my girl drama. I would listen to him talk about video game scores. He became the person I would call first when something would happen. He would call me every day instead of texting to catch up on our days.