h2>Dating : What Does Love Mean To You?
Honestly, the meaning of love is different for everyone. It is not just a means of avoiding the question but it is the truth. Some people view love as someone sweeping you off your feet and showering you with expensive gifts or showing up unexpectedly with a bouquet of flowers. While others view love differently as it is a fragile thing which requires time, care and effort. However, you view love there is no right or wrong answer. But instead a right and wrong kind of love depending on what you are looking for or who you are with. It is a special thing and should be shared between you and your significant other, you and your parents or you and your friends.
Love is not something that happens overnight. There are some people who believe in love at first sight, which may be true or may not be true, however, this love will not last without the proper time, effort and care by both individuals. People can fall in and out of love and with that comes some hardships. Despite all that has been said, love is never easy. But to many, it is worth it.
What The Experts Say!
According to Very Well Mind, love is a basic emotion but the understanding of it is what’s difficult. It took a while for love to be studied scientifically due to it’s mysterious and variable manner.
However, there are 3 theories about how to explain love according to Psychology.
- Liking Someone vs Loving Someone
- Compassionate vs Passionate Love
- The Color Wheel Model of Love
Liking Someone vs Loving Someone: This can be further broken down to Attachment, Caring, and Intimacy. If people mean something to you, you will get attach and start to care for them, however, that doesn’t necessarily mean you love them. Love is a different feeling, something much deeper. You like someone because you enjoy being around them, you love someone because of how well you work together meaning trying to understand each other’s needs and care about them as much as your own needs and wants.
Compassionate vs Passionate Love: A psychologist named Elaine Hatfield coined the terms passionate and compassionate love. Compassionate love essentially means similar amounts of respect, attachment, affection, and trust. These relationships are fostered by a mutual understanding of one another. Compassionate love is what people strive for. Passionate love, on the other hand, is a variety of emotions, sexual attraction, affection, and anxiety. If they both are feeling the same way, then they are fulfilled or happy. But the goal is to turn passionate love into compassionate love.
The Colour Wheel Model of Love: A psychologist named John Lee described that there are three primary styles of love which is similar to there are three primary colors. These are Eros, Ludos, and Storge. In short, Eros describes the passionate love (physical and emotional), Ludos describes the love is a game type of love (playful and fun, not serious), and finally, Storge is the natural affection style of love (familial love or love that stemmed from friendships to more than just friends)
Personally
I had my own stumbles and triumphs when it came to finding love. Many will say I started to develop a crush on someone a little late in life but nonetheless, like many others, it did not go as well as we imagine in our heads.
I began to like this one guy in my class, found out his information through a friend and started to message back and forth. This went on for about a month or two before we decided to go on a date. Being the awkward person that I am, I decided to bring a friend and so did he. Although that “date” didn’t really seem like a date we both had a good time and even decided to go see each other again. This time without the crowd.
I thought everything was going well for both of us, that is until months and months went by and we didn’t define what we were. I was starting to question and tried to make it apparent that I wanted more than just going on dates or hangouts here and there. Thought this didn’t change how we were. But, then again I never really understood what we were until he stopped returning my messages. At that point, I realized I may not have been the person he wanted to be with.
I felt a sense of insecurity, loneliness and what I believed to be heartbreak (which wasn’t) during this time. I tried to send him messages, snap chats and attempted to face time him. However, I received nothing back from him.
At this point, I thought it was over between us. Even though, we weren’t a “couple” or anything it still didn’t feel right. I was saddened for a while until… something unexpected happened.
The guy who I thought I would never fall for became the person I couldn’t go a minute without thinking about today. (Note this was a different person)
Now, this story in itself I could write a whole article about but I will skip present-day for times sake.
I have been with this guy for almost 5 years now, in December. We have gone through hell and back from parents who do not approve of us together, to financial reasons which may put a damper on things and to overcoming 4 years of long-distance as I studied at an out of state university. However, I grew closer and closer to him as we faced every obstacle.
Our parents do not understand the modern-day as they live in their traditional mindset. People who are not of the same culture or the same religion cannot be together. This honestly goes against what society believes in today, however, we try so hard to make them happy, despite how unhappy we may be.
But also, 4 years of long-distance did bring us closer as we struggled with communication and only seeing each other during breaks or whenever I was able to make a trip back home. Though, it made me realize how true my feelings were since my mind would only think about how he was doing, how his tests went, how work was for him. Also, it made me sad in times when I saw my friends with their significant others enjoying time with one another, but I only had a screen. Though, it did make seeing each other in person even more special. A simple hug meant more than anything and one picture could make me smile from ear to ear with joy.
The three words, I love you still give me butterflies to this day. I say it more than he does, but I do mean it every time I say it. When he does say it I know he means it from how he says it as well as the hugs he gives me when he does. At this point, there should be another way to express our feelings because I love you does not cut it anymore.
In replacement of I love yous, there are actions. Showing up to their work on their lunch breaks and spending quality time. Spending time on their birthdays or giving them a gift (not just any gift, but something of meaning like a card and pictures of you and your significant other). Surprising each other by doing something you normally wouldn’t do because it makes the other one happy. These are also telling signs of love or the love you have for your significant other.
Love to me is something special. I continue to learn what love means because at different stages of life love means different things. When you are in school love means understanding each other’s schedules (as hard as it may be), communication and support when needed. When school is over, love means caring for one another being supportive in whatever career choices and hobbies they may have. Participate in things they love even if you yourself don’t love them. The smile they have when you try your hardest but still don’t succeed might possibly beat the smile they have when you do well in something you love doing.
Love is unique. There is not one single way to define it. As much as I like gifts from my love, I enjoy communication, understanding and undeniable support. The feeling of having someone there for you no matter what you do or the mistakes you make is priceless.
