h2>Dating : What is LOVE for you? Alexia Amvrazi answers.
This week I spoke to Alexia Amvrazi, an amazing writer living in Athens, Greece.
In terms of love she has often felt challenged and quite mystified. Especially when younger, she often didn’t feel beautiful or desirable enough, and often feared abandonment and rejection. Part of her ‘challenge’ is that she has always sought a 360 degree-type connection, something that simply cannot be denied. Lukewarm or forced situations, or relationships designed for practical comforts just don’t appeal. Also she has always disliked the social expectations that women should be one way and men another in love.
Imagine that from this moment on, the verb “to love” does not exist anymore. How do you express yourself when you feel love? In words, actions?
As a writer who has always felt the deep essence of words and their energy, I feel that both words and actions are important. My father raised me with the motto of “actions, not words!” Sometimes a mere look, a touch, a special gift (whether it’s material or not), a real change in behaviour, are more than enough. Other times the verbal expression of truth straight from the heart and expressed with pure (and often very brave) intent are priceless. I like to practice both.
You have lived one month without using the word love. Then, it suddenly re-appears, but in the dictionaries it is without definition. You are the person to write it.
Love: The 100% pure lifeblood/sophisticated network of existence in all beings and all things, in our world and beyond — in all time, space, dimensions and realities, universes and galaxies. Love simply, yet miraculously and meticulously IS, in a way the human mind cannot quite ever fathom. It flows naturally within and outside of us, we don’t need to do anything for it to exist. If we try to manipulate its course, we transmute it into another energy, something different. If or when we try to shut it down in our self, we experience dis-ease, or even die. The more we recognise, nurture, honour, consciously connect with and respect it, the more beautiful, powerful and enriching it becomes.
In which situation (or inner state of being) did you feel most disconnected or excluded from love? Can you remember and share the thoughts that you were thinking in this state of being?
Throughout my life I’ve always felt very intensely for people, places, creatures, things, ideas. I become fascinated by the multifaceted identity and bright magic as much as the dark complexities, changeability, and base outlooks of others! Sometimes when I haven’t received the same emotion back, I’ve felt harshly excluded from love, weighed down by disappointment, a sense of loneliness (different from Solitude, which is a choice). But by this time in my life I have realised that what matters is for me to Love what and whom I want with all my heart and if that love is not returned, so be it! I have realized that Love has many versions and dimensions. And that my love won’t run dry because I offer it, Love is an ever-flowing source…you don’t give with the expectation of getting it back. The joy of love is in letting it flow from your every cell and experiencing the resonation of it. Although of course I love to receive it as much as I love to give it; I’m not a guru on a mountain-top…
I have been out of love romantically several times in my life and for long periods, as it’s not common for me to feel I actually want to be with someone in a relationship unless it feels REALLY right. I prefer to wait, alone, than dive into meaningless relationships for the fear of being ‘alone’. Usually I have ended the love relationship myself either directly or indirectly (I guess in the latter case by driving the other to do so) because it no longer felt true or good. Meglio Sola Che Male accompagnata (‘better alone than badly accompanied’, as the Italians say) is definitely one of my Life Principles. I am no longer seeking someone to fulfill me, as I feel I am whole; I want someone who is also whole and we can met in the middle to create our Love.
When you have been out of Love, how do you help yourself to re-enter?
In those times I let myself mourn the loss of the delightful things we experienced, the sad fact that they didn’t last, the sense of discontent that “love has reason that reason knows nothing of”. It’s hard being human, ha ha! Sometimes, I’ve felt relieved and superbly free, but even then, there is a sediment of sadness because people grow on you and ending a relationship forever is a type of emotional Death. But after the mourning period, after spending time discussing with good friends, journaling, meditating, regaining my emotional, physical and mental strength, drinking too much wine, writing terrible — or genius — poetry, I bounce back into a Neutral State of just Being. Then I re-ignite hope and eventually a new, more experienced enthusiasm for life, usually with a fresh perspective of myself & others too. Sometimes I have turned almost vengefully playful, aggressively adventurous, actively looking for new Love opportunities; when I look into the mirror on a Friday night and know I’m going to conquer the world, and in some way, I do. More often though I just get on with my life, moving, breathing, discovering anew, connecting with people, working, day-dreaming, manifesting, resting… and leaving the Heart Door open to love, just as I like to open my home shutters every morning for sunlight and fresh air to blast in.
To what degree do you think that love is related to the concept of ‘the Law of Attraction’? Ie. that we receive the love we believe we deserve and that is possible for us to have?
Mirjam: I love that question Alexia, it leads exactly to the question that had been rumoring through my whole system or through being Mirjam. I read about all the people who manifested or attracted the “Love of their life.” That’s what I want, too — but for me it didn’t work out. I worked on feeling deserving and worthy. On answering the questions: Would I marry myself? Am I there for myself in good times and bad times? Would I want myself to be the mother of my children? Do I want to wake up next to myself each morning? with an honest YES — or say, a 85% of the time YES.
But: no man came.
And then I started looking at something that I find is often overseen in Law of Attraction terms: What if a part of me resists the good, the Love that I am claiming I want to have? What if a part of me is actually happy being by myself? A powerful part of me. A part that I am denying because what I think I want is meeting my man, my partner to journey on — and asap!
For me it brought and continues to bring a lot of relief to admit this part and, for the first time in my life, consciously celebrate its existence. As you said before: “bright magics and dark complexities” both are part of being human, of being Mirjam.
So this is where I am at on my way of meeting my partner. It feels healthy and right. It feels like entering the basement, getting to know and cleaning it. So that I know when I live upstairs, in my beautiful house, that it is standing on a healthy and accepted ground. What happens next? I don’t know. But I am excited.
Let me start by saying what an almost lover is for me. An almost lover is a person, with whom you feel SO yourself, SO creative, SO in love that you feel — this is my life partner. However, an almost lover does not want to be with you. Did you have an experience like this? And if so — did your almost love story lead to important inner and outer transformations in your life that you are now grateful for? Which are your favorite two ones?
I have been involved virtually with a man who fits that description. It was the first time in my life I was in such a ‘relationship’. We had never met in person and we lived in separate countries. We’re both artists in different facets, and very deeply connected through our imagination as individuals. I have changed a lot because of my experience of knowing this man; despite the fact that if I mentioned what was going on with him to close friends they sometimes questioned why I should ‘bother’, since he wasn’t ‘real’. That makes me laugh … because I believe that even people who live together every day for 40 years don’t truly know each other ‘really’; because I believe that the physical presence definitely does not equate with ‘reality’. People are only as ‘real’ as you see them to be! …But yes, of course, there is a point where a physical kiss, hug, action, presence of any kind in your actual space is a very different and meaningful experience.
Despite the good times, what I’ve learned though my relationships (friendships included) is that you can be sitting right next to someone and feel more alone than you would be with yourself in a shitty cave in the middle of nowhere. With this man, I felt a real, raw, sweet, beautiful intimacy; something I had never felt with others. Humans are too often chewed up by surreal, socially-imposed guilt and shame or delusions of Hollywoodian love most of their existence, which prevents them from just being who they want to be, and with WHOM they want to be — or not. So, when you can feel free to be your powerful, vulnerable honest self, and still feel wanted and accepted, that’s pretty extraordinary! He showed me a passion, permissiveness, and openness I’d never experienced before. Seeing his photos or hearing the songs he sent me lit up my heart, chatting with him made me smile, laugh, think, feel soothed. The whole thing made me see things in a new light. I felt liberated and creative with him, in a child-like state of wonder, mixed with adult sensualism.
What happens to (your) LOVE when a partner/ crush/ lover — someone you have been in love with — leaves you?
Each situation has been different of course, but what’s the same is that my idea or feeling of what LOVE is at that time has suddenly been turned upside down on its head! So, if it was unexpected, for a while I’m like a cartoon character with spiralling eyes, a huge bump on my head and stars whizzing around in a circle, wondering WTF?! Why did things go this way? How? When? Why again?
Then I take time to look inside. I remember that love still exists in my heart, because love never goes away, only our vision of it does. I take care for my heart to heal. I observe what I could have done differently, but without judgement. I let myself feel hurt and follow where the hurt is going in my body and mind until it dissipates.
I consider whether I created the ending of this love through my own subconscious intent, or it just happened. And if I did it, was it self-sabotage because of fear, or wisdom because of self-love & experience?
Then I resolve to be more aware, more real, more careful, whatever I need to be or do better next time, if there is a next time, ha ha.
I acknowledge that if that person left me etc then basically it was not meant to be, and that probably I will look back and Thank the Universe for creating space for what IS meant to be. Not everyone can like or love us, and that’s ok.
I eventually, finally reconnect to the power and beauty of LOVE in its full glory — even momentarily — and remember that there are so many forms of it! I let it dress me like in its energetic cloak but still add a protective shield over myself too…
And off I go! Back to life!
There are many love-quotes out there. Which is your favorite one on true romantic love — and why?
All We Need is Love (The Beatles)
Why do you think that — beyond age, knowledge, culture or looks — some people are more ‘successful’ at having and maintaining love relationships than others?
is a Love interview series by author Mirjam Grupp.
Share what love is for you. Get in contact at bymirjam.com.