Dating : What’s The Deal With 69?

As a kiss-less, inexperienced virgin with raging hormones — watching porn and wondering when my number would be called to live out the acts I was furiously masturbating to — there was one position I knew I’d have to check off my list as soon as I got the chance: 69

“Ohhh sixty-nine,” was the appropriate response to the number back when I was growing up, which I’m assuming was a bingo reference, and not exactly the classiest or most clever way to hint at the position. It’s since been replaced by a simpler, more reserved line whenever that number is brought up in any conversation. “Nice.”

Yeah. It is nice, actually.

As a heterosexual man with an ass fetish, a smell kink, and a near-unhealthy obsession with eating pussy — 69 is life’s greatest gift. And yes, putting it mildly, “nice,” is certainly one way to describe it.

I think back to the night I lost my virginity. After performing oral on my partner, and her returning the favor, I laid on my back and decided to form Voltron. It was time for her oral performance and my oral performance to join forces. “Sit on my face,” I suggested, with what I’m sure was a Grinch-sized grin on my face; the ends of my mouth spiraling to meet the corners of my nose.

She flashed a grin back, though not nearly as big as mine (obviously), and got into position.

She stood over me, turned around, and slowly lowered her ass down to me.

The whole situation was surreal, and felt more like an out-of-body experience than anything else. It felt like I was still at home, tugging my meat as I watched a lucky guy’s face disappear into a woman’s ass. Only it was my face this time. My number had been called.

Where the previous blowjob and eventual penetration felt overrated physically, 69 was as magical as I had imagined.

The warmth of her ass radiating as she hovered an inch above my face. Her musky, womanly smell. Bouncing back and forth between eating her pussy and biting her ass cheeks. I’m surprised I didn’t faint from the excitement and sensory overload.

When it was all over, and I woke up the next morning no longer a virgin, that visual played on a loop in my head. And obviously still does, given how vivid a picture I just painted in the previous paragraph.

However, as I matured, and learned more about sex, and more specifically, what most women enjoy and don’t (everyone is different and communication is key, but there are some generalities), a disturbing trend became visible.

A lot of women, simply don’t enjoy 69.

Of the reasons for why that is include, but are not limited to:

-Not being able to focus on their own pleasure

-It’s awkward to suck a dick from that angle

-It’s near impossible to orgasm from

-And oh yeah, it’s a little scary to legit have your asshole on full display, an inch away from your partner’s nose

The verdict was in: 69 was overrated.

It bothered me then, and continues to bother me now, because while sex should be a give and take among all parties involved, I’d feel bad receiving 69 if there was any inclination the woman was doing it for me, because it personally didn’t provide her any pleasure.

I don’t want to participate in sex acts that my partner is lukewarm about, as selfless as it is for them to offer as much.

I recognize very few people are going to see 69 as the transcendent experience that I do, but I still want all future partners to get something out of it.

Perhaps some changes need to be made. Maybe, to take some of the pressure off of her, I can assure her that the blowjob (the 9?) portion of 69 isn’t even on my radar. Just as many women say they can’t focus on their pleasure, I’m not focused on the fact that my dick is in her mouth. It’s all about what I’m doing on my end.

Perhaps I can assure her that the view, as vulnerable as it makes her feel — is a beautiful one. I wouldn’t be making a request for her to sit on my face if I didn’t like the view.

Yes, 69 is a novelty position. Yes, the odds of you achieving orgasm from it are slim to none, for both parties; but I’d argue that reaching orgasm shouldn’t be the goal, and like with undressing, kissing, and massaging — it’s just a part of foreplay, to get things started.

For any women reading this, what are your thoughts on 69? Love it? Hate it? No opinion? Have your views on the position changed as you’ve had more sex? Was there ever a time where you were self conscious about the position, then grew to love it? I need answers.