h2>Dating : When it hits you: 5 life lessons from my recent car accident
A few weeks ago I was rear-ended on the expressway. It was my first car, my first car accident, and my first time in an ambulance. Right after the collision, I was paralyzed with fear, not knowing what the consequences would be, and imagining the worst.
Getting hit was one of the best things that ever happened to me, and here’s why.
- It forced me to be still
The accident happened because there was traffic at my exit. I was forced to slow down a bit too quickly, and the car behind me wasn’t looking. His big Jeep Cherokee smashed into my tiny Mini Cooper at full speed. There was a loud noise. My back bumper was embedded in his front bumper. All of the rear windows of my car were obliterated. My trunk was so smashed it no longer existed. I felt a huge pain in my head. The impact threw my head onto the steering wheel. I sat still with fear. A few minutes later, a huge bump appeared and so did the ambulance.
I was in the emergency waiting room for a total of twelve hours. From one in the afternoon until one in the morning. I sat still, not looking at my phone, or reading, or listening to music. I just sat. I had people keep me company, like friends and family, but we sat mostly in silence. I wasn’t impatient, or bored, or even tired. I sat, with ice on my head, not thinking, or moving, or being stimulated in any way. I sat in stillness and it felt so good.
The doctor’s orders were to avoid any activities that involve screens or thinking for the next 48 hours. It was glorious. All I could do was be in the moment. I didn’t feel time go by, and I had nothing to complain or worry about.
- It brought out so much love
People came to see me, I got calls, texts, messages, and acquaintances gave me hugs. The invisible barrier that keeps distance between people came down for a few weeks. People didn’t hesitate to reach out, to take care of me, or to send me kind words. They shared their love freely and generously. It brought out their best and reminded me how deeply I could show up for them too.
- Unexpected gifts came out of it
I truly believe that things are bad the second you decide they are. But was the accident really bad? I couldn’t afford the car I leased, and all of a sudden the lease went away with no fees at all. Cash was tight, and I got a generous cheque from my insurance company. My body was so tight after the accident, I had to soak in salt baths to relieve the pain. I got into the habit of lighting a candle, playing soft music, and enjoying the simple luxury of bathing. Once I felt better I decided to keep the habit and have made it a regular ritual and gift to myself after (or even before!) a long day.
- It made me step out of my ego
My dream car was part of my image. I was painting the portrait of a trendy millennial entrepreneur with a successful startup and a stylish set of wheels. I picked up my friends whenever possible. I wanted people to see me walk to my car after a meeting or date so that they’d know what car I drove. I leased the car when cash was flowing, still naive to the concept of variable cash flow in the startup world. I could no longer afford it but I couldn’t let go of the car — it was part of me. It was a point of pride and egotistical self-indulgence. I had associated my identity with a giant piece of metal. Once the car was (violently) taken away of me I had the perspective I needed. I am not defined by the car I drive. When the car went away, I still like the person who was left behind.
- It heightened my sense of gratitude
The accident completely ruined my car, but my body was totally unharmed. All I could show for the crash were some small scratches and a bruise on my head that quickly healed. My legs were walking, my arms were moving, my brain was totally functional. The forces that be made sure I would be okay. As I sat in my apartment for those two days of rest, all I was allowed to do was look around. So I did. I looked around at my apartment and all my nice things. My funky pillows, the lamp I love, the purple dishes that make me happy, and my many flowering orchids. The way the sun shines into my apartment in the afternoon. The way my friends show up for me. The love I get from my family. Work that I love, and was excited to get back to. A body that heals quickly and that loves to move. The accident smashed my car and shattered the filter that had been dimming the beautiful things in my life. It took away the things I didn’t need.
