Dating : Where do broken heart go?

I do like to think of Joe as the one I prayed for, the one I’d chose over and over again, the only one who let me be myself and no one else, maybe it’s in the way he looks at me every time we meet, like I am the missing piece in the puzzle or, the way he calls me baby, so calm and gentle it melts my heart every damn time, I could write a book on how he made me feel but it won’t be complete, Joe wasn’t mine to keep.

Our lives changed when I left town, I had other engagement out of town and it required my presence and there were no other options but to leave. Now, before you imagine anything, we were in love and we never had those fight, it never happen. Joe would never get into a fight with me.

I remember the first time I got mad at him for something he did, subconsciously I was raising my voice at him while talking but this beautiful man calmly called my attention when he said “babe, do you know what you are doing, you are raising your voice” and just like that, I forgot why I was mad and I apologize.

I know this might sound like nothing but nobody in my life had ever spoken to me in such manner when I am angry and that changed how I saw him.

You see,we were both in different cities I was busy and Joe was job hunting because he quit his job the month before, so he needed a new one. All effort was futile, job hunting was going on for over 2 months, and he was out of cash, piled up bills and a girlfriend half the country away so he started drifting.

Talking to him became so hard, he won’t answer the phone, he won’t reply messages and when he does, it felt like the world was on his shoulder, it was the hardest for me because I have never seen him like this, he used to be my happy place, he was the most positive person I knew, I guess being broke really breaks you.

It was the month of February, love all around, and my Joe nowhere to be found. Last we spoken was the 15th of February and that was it. I called, no response, I texted no reply, that was it, no closure, no goodbyes, nothing, I was frustrated, tired, fell sick, cried my eyes out but I could not bring myself to hate him.

Somehow, I could understand what he was going through but he shut me out, left me for dead, broke my heart into pieces, there is this sadness I can’t explain every time I think of him.

He was meant to be my forever, my Joe, but all I have left of him are memories, memories I can’t seem to let go.

My baby is gone from me, and it doesn’t feel like he wants to be back.