h2>Dating : Why I Stay Away from Relationship Advice
Tommy was one of those people I just collected — I’m drawn to those who land up on the island of misfit toys.
Fifteen years ago I bought a treadmill from him when he worked at a retailer and we just became friends. He was 24, and one year removed from the last cut of an NFL team after playing in Europe. He was too short by 3 inches, but dude was strong as a team of goddamn oxen.
I personally watched him bench-press 225lbs 25 times in a row. And he could run like the wind.
He could fix anything — put anything together. He came over and miraculously put together an Ikea bed for us with no parts left over.
I used to stop by after work and we’d toss the football around while it was slow. He was a bouncer on the weekends. Not b/c he was strong (though he was), but b/c he was fearless. I mean, he’d take 2 punches to the face on his way into a crowd without blinking, but then it’d be over — him grinning through it all.
His family was fucked up — dad had been dead for a decade, mother and brother both drunks. No jobs.
Tommy tried to be different — he really did try. But he liked the steroids, and you know, most athletes do.
One day I gave him a good luck watch off my wrist b/c he wanted to go out, and that night he met his wife.
I went to his wedding and helped him cope with the loss of a pregnancy.
We gave them our used treadmill and some good furniture that didn’t fit into our tiny house.
I helped him re-write his resume, practice interviewing, loaned him a dress shirt and Brooks Brothers tie, and he got a new job and got promoted.
Three years later twin girls came around, and he was just over the moon. He became the man I always thought he would be. Just a solid, good man. A provider.
Then he hurt his foot on the job, they fired him (b/c that’s what happens to poor people who get hurt working for big companies), and he didn’t have health insurance. No meds.
He took pain pills off the street b/c Tommy grew up hard. He knew where the drugs where — but would you do any different? Pain sucks.
I was furious on his behalf. I mean, how could she? You could see the anguish on his face when he talked about his girls.
She took out a restraining order. He had supervised visits.
It ate him up inside. I mean it just tore him up. I could see it. I mean, what kind of person deprives their partner of seeing their children?
How could she? What a bitch.
That’s what I thought anyway. I took his side. B/c that’s what I knew — that’s the pain I saw.
Tommy subsequently wandered for years — and I harbored resentment towards her as I took the side of a great friend who was wronged.
Eventually Tommy and I lost touch as I had to move for jobs…but upon coming back to the area he came up when I was picking up my clothes from my dry cleaner.
Hey, didn’t you know Tommy?
Yeah, what’s up?
He finally cleaned up, been sober now for 8 months, and is in the program.
Really? Sober?
Yeah, he’s making amends to people and you came up…
Me?
Yeah, he said
he’d lied to you for years about being clean when he was dealing and using on the side..
Damn — all those thoughts of her being a bitch ran back through my head while this mutual friend was talking.
Oh….and how do you know?
I’m in the program too and he knew that I knew you….so he asked if I had your number, but I wanted to check with you first….
