h2>Dating : You are SINGLE because you KNOW too much
I often find it funny that the people who know the most about relationships and marriages are the ones who have never been…nothing wrong with that but it’s funny all the same.
I was once like that actually, I even ran a blog about dating until I realized I knew nothing (my very own ‘Jon Snow’ moment). And with so much information floating the internet and experiences being shared on social media, you begin to feel like you ‘know’; you know how to get a man, keep a man, keep the relationship spicy, identify the red flags, get engaged under six months and so on and so forth. There’s always something out there and if you’re best friends with Google, you can find almost any article to validate your views.
The access to information is great but too much of it has become a challenge for most single people. Due to the wealth of knowledge, we now have more people unwilling to enter relationships or commit to marriages because of the fears that they have based on other people’s experiences. Experiences they had no control over and while those ‘people’ might have moved on with their lives, sorted out their issues and eventually made it work, we stay stuck in this bubble of safety we call ‘finding the perfect one’
…but that’s not why we are here…
The older we get, the more we know about other people’s challenges or maybe have a few of our own that deters us from wanting to commit. Then we cross a certain age and we begin to think, if I have been single for this long then maybe I should take more time to get it ‘right’. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, however, the fear of ‘getting it wrong’ fueled by the excess knowledge we have gotten along the way, stops us from experiencing life’s moments and most times self-sabotaging what may actually turn out perfect…it’s a gamble.
Life is a gamble, dating is a gamble and so is marriage. Truth is, you may not get it right the first or second time and maybe not all of us are meant to be married because we do not have the emotional and mental ability for a supposed lifelong commitment but the first step to having a loving relationship that could lead to marriage is knowing LESS.
By knowing less, I mean after identifying your deal breakers, you need to know less of
- Everyone else’s bad relationship experience
- Assumptions and expectations based on what society/dating books tell you
- Society’s definition of red flags (because it varies)
Let’s face it, you can’t build the perfect partner but you can identify what you need to make a relationship work and once the person ticks that, start to build and live your own experiences with this person, like most of our parents did. They are all not perfect but they have made it work one way or another without following the rule book as defined by someone else.
Stop looking for “signs” — this is is a double-edged sword, yes you should be alert and look for signs of abuse, disrespect, etc. But this can make you paranoid or overreact to simple things which can be solved with a simple conversation or understanding the person you are now with. It’s like everybody is looking out for them without looking at the person they’re with. Always remember your now partner is not XYZ’s partner or your ex.
