Dating : “You Find Love When You’re Not Looking For It” Isn’t Magic

I decided to explore this theory because I thoroughly believe it myself. But admittedly, and as I write this, I don’t know why.

I should start by saying that I’m currently, what I like to call, “astoundingly single.” I’m 30 years old, I’m bald, and I’m still working on building my career and buying my first house. I’m still getting some stuff together, honestly, in terms of both mental and tangible assets. I’m literally writing this on Valentine’s Day in a crowded (socially-distanced) market filled with seemingly happy couples. And yet, here I am, sitting alone with nothing but a vanilla latte, a half-filled notebook, and Hozier in my headphones to keep me company.

But I’m also not worried.

I’m not stressing it at all, actually. But why not? Many people in my shoes might be hitting the panic button with white knuckles.

And as someone with anxiety, it’s the unknown that gives you the chills.

But I realized that I’m not concerned because I know what I have to do. Since I know that if I simply stop looking for it, it will come to me. I know that if I focus on myself, my career, my aspirations, and do things that I like to do, I have no doubt that I will find and share a lovely relationship with a loving partner. I know it’s just a matter of time, which will pass by anyway.

I don’t believe in magic.

But why do I believe in this so whole-heartedly? I don’t believe in magic. I don’t believe in anything that isn’t pragmatic, practical, logical, proven, or methodical. Literally nothing. So why this? Why is this where I cross that line?

The fact is: it’s not magic. There’s a reason that this works. There has to be. But in order to explain, we have to look into a couple of things:

• What does “looking for love” mean?
• What does “not looking for love” mean?
• Why does “not looking” work, mathematically?
• What is the psychology behind “not looking?”

By exploring these concepts, we will begin to understand why “not looking for love” is a sound strategy and a strong recipe for actually finding it.