Dating : You Probably Have The Whole Dating Perspective Wrong.

During my life as an adult, I spend quite a good bit of time grinding on dating apps and learning the science of attraction. I had a goal of absorbing all the knowledge to find my ideal partner — the best friend in life. In doing so, I learn I was demisexual; I miss out on sexual activities because of it. I learn having strong emotional chemistry with someone is important. I stick by these shticks. It makes everything in the relationship feels intimately organic and real like the person you’re with could be themselves around you. There isn’t any façade or any kind of list you expect of him or her, and you know the person you’re with is a great person.

After going on dates with girls from the dating apps, I realized everyone sucks at connecting in real life, including me. It is so easy to convey our words and feelings through texting, and when you meet that other in real life, it suddenly becomes different. The human to human experience is scary. Why? The first thought everyone has in their mind is, “oh god. I hope that person is not a creep.” The thing is, how do you know that person is not looking at you the same way?

Then you get to the judgment phase of the dating. You have all these criteria, a checklist of how you expect that person to look, and when you finally do meet, that person does not fit the physical appearance. Suddenly, we became a judgmental asshole and give off a weird and awkward vibe, and our date feels uncomfortable. You’re not having fun, and now you’re just looking for an excuse or moment to cut the date off. Guess what? You suck at dating.

It was me for a couple of years. I sucked at dating and made everything a hassle. I expected so much from the other person that I forgot why I’m having the date with the person in the first place. I felt terrible for the other person having to put up with my kind of mental shit. I learn a few things from it.