How to stop getting attached to a man too quickly?
Nowadays, social pressure pushes women to quickly find the right fit for them, and often to become attached to the first comer. There is such emotional distress, that some women are ready to invest themselves body and soul as soon as a man pleases them, only to be disappointed in the end. How to stop falling in love so quickly? What are the instructions for use? We will see together which strategy to adopt.
First of all, what is attachment? It is creating a special bond with a person thanks to a common experience, memories, sharing, etc. And it is only with time and the number of experiences that this bond can solidify. Each positive experience will strengthen this bond just as each negative experience will weaken it.
But what does getting attached too quickly tell us? If you tend to get attached to men too quickly, it’s probably because you have a lack of self-love, and / or you need to fill an emotional gap linked to your romantic or family past. You wait for this person to fill the unbearable void in you and make you happy because you don’t have the resources to do it on your own. You are in search of emotional nourishment, you are thirsty for love, that is why you are going to attach yourself very quickly.
Another possibility, you have too much expectation vis-à-vis this relationship, which makes you become more attached to the idea of this relationship, to the imagination that surrounds it rather than to the man. who lives it with you. In short, you project yourself so far that you want to reach your destination as quickly as possible, instead of taking advantage of the trip which will allow you to get to know the other and to become attached little by little. Your will to go fast will create an imbalance in the relationship and you will no longer be in phase.
Know that if you are not happy on your own, no man on earth will be able to heal your inner wounds. Love is the icing on the cake, not the whole cake. Don’t hesitate to consult a psychologist, a life coach and read books on personal development to increase your self-esteem and heal your inner wounds.
Now let’s see what additional strategy we can apply to avoid too fast attachment.
1. Don’t contact him every day
« You miss only one being and everything is depopulated » Lamartine
Even if you want to call him every day or to see him, avoid so as not to create an emotional dependence even when you do not know him yet.
It is normal to think about someone you like several times a day. Just as it is normal that we miss the latter after several days of absence. But, it is unhealthy to fall into an obsession, to be trapped in your thoughts day and night.
Texting or sexting all day to this man is bad because you get involved too quickly in the relationship and the risk of being disappointed in the event of failure is great. If you need to contact him every day, then you need him in your life. Which means you’re afraid of losing it, that it will slip through your fingers. And fear is a bad counselor. It should never dictate your actions.
2. Take your time
« We live in a time where thelove is done quickly, that is to say wrong. » Louis Teissier Du Cros
You have to take the time not to waste any more. Rush is the number one enemy in human relations.
Giving yourself the time to discover the other and let yourself be discovered is to avoid disappointment in many cases. Learn to discover this man, what he likes, what are his passions, what are his dreams and aspirations. And also give her this opportunity to discover the valuable woman that you are and to appreciate her to her true worth.
It is also a way of knowing what are its values, its principles and to know more about its past. Is he a reliable man? A person who deserves you? Was he okay with his exes? Do you share the same vision of the couple?
In addition, for the sustainability of your relationship or to limit the damage in case of disappointment, avoid skipping steps by wanting to move in with him after a few weeks or months. Likewise, save a little for later by avoiding all the experiences and / or activities that you would like to do together in the first few weeks.
You want to meet his family, his friends as soon as possible. This will formulated too early in your relationship is a sign that you want to fill your life too quickly, with hers. It is the expression of an emotional lack, of a social life that does not fulfill you. Never depend on a romantic partner to provide you with a sense of belonging to a group or a family.
Finally, you have to take the time to find out if your two personalities agree. Do things together while maintaining your independence. Stop wanting to do it all right away. A happy couple is built over time. Haste in everything is a sign of immaturity and rarely leads to the sustainability of a couple.
3. Don’t reveal yourself right away
When we meet a man we like, we tend to want to share everything, to say everything about ourselves. We fantasize about the partner, seeing only his qualities, and knowingly forgetting his faults. You think you can trust him immediately. It is a beginner’s mistake to reveal everything. The mystery often intrigues and makes a person want to know more about you, to discover you and to be the one who will gain your trust little by little. If from the first meeting, your man knows everything about your life from A to Z, it’s a bit like when a colleague tells you about the end of a movie that you were impatiently waiting to see in the cinema. Will you still want to go see him?
If after just a few weeks or months he already knows everything about you, what will he have to discover in the future?
4. Avoid throwing yourself too quickly and too far into this relationship.
Everything that is new is generally “beautiful” “exotic” “fascinating” “Perfect”, and so on.
When you meet a man you don’t know yet, you will tend to fill in the gaps in his personal history, with idealization. We even end up self-enchanting by exaggerating some of these character traits. He suddenly becomes the funniest, the most interesting and the most beautiful of our guys.
After only a few months of relationship, you are sure that he is the man of your life, the future father of your children and that he will change your life.
Know that a man will never be there to fill your emotional gaps and make your dreams come true. Maybe you’ve been emotionally neglected in the past, or you’ve endured toxic romantic relationships, causing you to love too quickly.
This man may be a very beautiful person, but he is not the prince charming who will come to save you on his white horse. Therefore, keep a cool head, be lucid and do not put the cart before the horse. Wait and See.
5. Be realistic
Be lucid about your relationship, as well as your man. Life is not a fairy tale or a Garry Marshall movie.
The idea that you have of your relationship should be measured, realistic and lucid. Many women fall in love with a man’s potential and not with the man himself. They believe that they will be able to make it change and / or evolve over time. Nothing is further from the truth.
If your man does not share some of your values and has insurmountable flaws for you, do not insist on making him another man. Do not act like a Pygmalion, because if he does not want to change on his own, it is because he feels very good as he is.
6. Make him languish before giving him the forbidden fruit
« Favors too easily granted are poorly suited to nourish thelove : it is necessary to mix with its sweet joys some refusals which irritate it. » Ovid
Biologically, when a woman has sex with a man, her body releases a hormone, which we can call the attachment hormone: oxytocin. This is why many women who have regular physical relationships with a man end up attaching themselves quickly.
Realize that you cannot build a healthy, lasting romantic relationship if it is based solely on physical attraction. So why rush? For fear of losing that man you like? If he’s genuinely interested in you and wants to get to know you, he’ll wait. Otherwise, he didn’t want anything more from you. If he’s not able to wait for you to be ready, he’s not projecting himself with you.
We tend to idealize immediate passion, to want to quickly merge with the other, but it can become the enemy of the couple. Not knowing enough about the other and getting involved from the start is a bit like signing the purchase contract for your future home, without reading it. Many heartaches could be avoided if we took the time to get to know this man we like, because it can happen that over the weeks, we realize that he is not the one we believed.
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