POF : A rant towards female users on POF
**1) Women, why the same-y profiles?**
I have seen a gigantic trend in terms of female users in my country on POF. To summarize a list of common traits; these women:
* are outgoing
* love partying/going out
* love to have fun
* love to meet new people
* go to the gym
* are looking for a genuine guy
* don’t reply to perverted PMs (this one came up a lot.)
* don’t reply to illiterate users (this one came up even more. Apparently a lot of women are grammar nazis.)
* are suckers for people who can make them laugh
In fact, I have seen a sizeable number of users who just have absolutely blank profile descriptions or just type « message me if u want to know more. 🙂 » I’m sorry but how the hell am I meant to talk about a woman’s interests when they make no effort whatsoever on their fucking profiles? And the sad thing is it doesn’t matter because men will obviously still message them either out of desperation or their looks.
I have even seen a good number of women put no images on their profile and request that users message them if they want them PM’d. This is a tactic male users can’t use of course because POF – with their sexist policies that punish all men for the actions of a few trolls – have banned all male users from sending private images.
The result? A very low standard of profiles is prevalent. Every woman seems to have near-identical interests and everything about dating seems to be under their control and their control only.
**2) Women, why do you never initiate contact?**
While I have initiated contact with dozens upon dozens of women and usually got about a 1 – 2% reply rate for my efforts in typing a well-thought message; I have only ever had one female user initiate contact with me. Even though she was really unattractive to me, I had the decency to at least reply to her and have a conversation to her; not because I was leading her on but because I was being *nice*.
This is something most of POF’s userbase apparently doesn’t understand. How to be nice and respectful.
**3) Women, why are you so selective about replying to PMs?**
A common complaint I have seen on women’s POF profiles has either been the amount of perverted mail messages they have received or the number of men who can’t spell or know nothing about grammar. This makes it sound like they will message people who write a proper, coherent message to them about their interests.
The truth? They won’t.
I’ll give a good number of personal examples.
A) A feminist and dog lover says she doesn’t like racists, homophobes, misogynists or people who can’t read or write. I PM her a well-thought message about how I agree with feminism and love dogs, having owned a pet myself. What happened? **She didn’t reply.**
B) A girl who made great emphasis on how many illiterate users who have ‘swag’ and use terms like YOLO message her talks about her interests in metal and puink music. I send her a well-thought message about how I love the same music she does and use the correct grammar and don’t act like I have swag. What happened? **She didn’t reply.**
C) A girl talks about how men who « tlk lyk dis » shouldn’t bother with her. I send her a PM. What happened? **She didn’t reply. Worse, she didn’t even look at my profile.**
D) A biker girl talks about how much she loves motorbikes. I send her a slightly humorous/negging message that literally said « You’re into bikes? I think they’re quite dangerous. » What happened? **She replied, but acting like I seriously insulted her, sent a rather vulgar reply back calling me a ‘little fucking kid’ and blocked me.**
E) A girl gamer talks about how she’s into PC gaming and even has a profile name that suggests either the name of a Starcraft unit or enemy in Diablo. I PM her talking about our mutual interests. What happened? **She didn’t reply.**
F) An animal lover talks about how she loves dogs, cats and horses. I PM her, talking about our mutual interests. What happened? **She didn’t reply.**
G) A girl mentions K-pop in her profile and how she loves girl groups like Girls Generation, 4Minute, T-ara and Crayon Pop. I ask her a question about what Girls Generation song she likes the most and try to start a conversation about her interests. What happened? **She didn’t reply.**
This is why you see dick pictures and perverted messages become such a huge concern. If women are so rude that they will 98% of the time never reply to a PM they are sent no matter how much time and effort went into it; why do you think some men are going in completely the opposite direction and sending them PMs about how badly they want to fuck them or sending penis pictures? Because by the looks of how many users complain about it, it actually gets them the attention a genuine guy won’t get.
I’m sorry but if you act all inviting like « if you’re interested message me », **please actually reply to your PMs.** And don’t give me the excuse of « too many men message us. » A good number of my PMs result in a profile view. If you have the time to check out my profile and judge that I am (to your very high standards) a fucking loser; you have the time to reply.
**4) Women, why do you lead men on with the ‘Meet Me’ feature?**
I’ve had 15 girls say ‘Yes’ to my profile on Meet Me. (This is not the number of people who have clicked Yes or Maybe. Unfortunately I do not pay for this site and I do not have access to such information.)
Out of these 15 girls, only 6 actually viewed my profile and only after I PM’d them expressing my interest in them. Out of these 6 girls, only two have even bothered replying to me. Two actually changed their answer and blocked me afterwards.
Just…. why? Women, why would you click yes to my images, not even bother to take a gander at my profile and even then still not have any intention whatsoever to respond to any of my private messages? It just fucks with my mind.
A sixteenth girl even added my profile to her favorites then proceeded not to respond to a PM from me.
**5) POF, why are my Chemistry and UltraMatch results filled with women that have not responded to my PMs?**
No, I am not ‘most likely to date’ a stuck-up bitch that doesn’t even have the decency to reply so stop suggesting that I am. You cannot be likely to date somebody who doesn’t even take the time to reply to other users.
I feel like not replying to a majority of PMs should be something users should be punished for in some way, perhaps by appearing far less in search results based on their reply rate. It would actually improve this piece of crap site.
By. Clutchcontrol
OP, you are not alone in this. This sums up my experience on POF. Word for word.
Now, I have talked to women in real life, without the intention of starting a relationship or dating and based on that observation, I’ve noticed that on dating sites or any social platform online; people can choose to ignore you. They literally don’t have to say anything back because these type of dating sites have given them that power. Now, real world, they would be forced, socially, to say something without appearing weird if they don’t.
Another thing I noticed, and I hope I’m wrong, is that these type of websites are like an yearbook. You are judged by your looks and not your personality.
I still like to believe in the whole « girls like personality over looks » saying, but I think that only applies to real life after knowing a person in the flesh. On a dating site, it seems like the complete opposite.
I don’t like to lie about my body type, because what if there is actually a date, right? So, I’m overweight and I put that on my profile. I think, to most women, that’s a red flag. You can be a good looking guy with a kick ass personality, but as soon as they see that in the profile, it’s an automatic no-reply. I hope I’m wrong.
And that Meet Me feature? It’s a laughable knock-off of HotorNot.com. I’ve had the same thing happen to me too. I have three people who want to meet me, yet they never bothered checking my profile. I didn’t even bother messaging them. That feature is a bad joke and a asinine attempt at trying to be « hip ».
But I’m in the same boat man and I feel for you. We just can’t catch a break. The best advice I ever got was to approach women in real life instead. I assume you also have confidence/self-esteem issues like myself, so this dating site shit seems so much easier than real life, but I’ve come to a realization that it’s just better in real life to talk to women. And I certainly have to work on how to do that than solely relying on pretentious dating sites that have set the standard to unrealistic heights. Yet, here I am, on my 5th time on POF.
Dating sites were a huge thing when they first appeared, and they probably worked for a lot of people, but now, people realize that they have the option of being anonymous online and that type of choice makes everything easier.
Good luck, OP.
This is my throwaway account so, whatever, down vote if you get offended here idc.
This is probably a taboo thing to admit to but I created Fake profile just so I could anonymously experience ‘the other side’.
There’s no fucking way if I were really a woman I would ever reply to even a quarter of the messages I got. I’m talking hundreds and hundreds in a month. It was asinine.
I deleted it after that month, I didn’t reply to anything or message anyone, I wasn’t trying to lead anyone on here. Just do an experiment. The girl pictures I used were not overly attractive, and not revealing or anything.
Good god though.
I know a few girls on POF -They don’t initiate contact coz they don;t have to – Most women get 4/5 emails at least a day…
Well its likely because they get tons of messages. So they can just respond to the people they like. Whereas guys do not get as many messages so they have to be more pro-active in getting a lady’s attention.
I gave up POF after a month of nearly no success. A friend suggested Tinder to me. Not only have I noticed a huge difference in the quality of women, but its much more user friendly and your profile pretty much creates itself by linking to your Facebook. Its overall friendlier and I’ve had much more success at meeting good people. Try that maybe
Don’t be feel so damned entitled.
Women on that website get a *lot* of attention, even after the really gross stuff is filtered out. Replying to everyone who sends a message would take all day, every day. To get a reply, you need to put in a lot of effort, yes, but you also need a little luck.
Plus, if the anger and frustration you’re showing here shows through at all in your messages or your profile, you’re going to be, at best, off-putting. Even the entitled feelings, entirely separate from the anger, will ruin your chances.
I feel I can shed some light on this, however please excuse my coming across as a bit of a cow. As a moderately attractive female who has (apparently) a fun and quirky profile, I get a ton of messages. On my first day alone I received around 70. Having not been clued up on online dating etiquette, I would reply to every single out out of courtesy. The problem is, I began to realize, if you give a guy an inch, he’ll take a mile. If you give a polite ‘Hello 🙂 Thanks!’, you’ll then receive a whole paragraph with a ton of questions, then you’ll feel guilty ignoring a message they spent all that time on. Which turns into a long conversation with someone you aren’t interested in, but don’t have the heart to say ‘I find you boring/unattractive’. I know it sounds awful, but it’s just the way it is – guys don’t understand the sheer volume of replies girls receive. I wish you luck!
1. Most people are homely and not ambitious. As such, they have very similar profiles. However, once you message them and they reply, there’s worlds of difference between the users. It’s also a precautionary measure to ensure that they don’t give out too much information which could be used to stalk them if a douchebag wanted to.
2. I don’t know what’s wrong – maybe it’s the girls in your area? Dozens of girls are initiating contact with me (« hey! What’s up? What to chat? ») and it goes smoothly from there.
3. Women are overly cautious due to the huge amount of douchebags present not just on POF, but on every site, and in real life too. If they’re interested in you, they’ll either contact you first, or they’ll reply to your message when they get to it. Girls get a LOT of messages, be patient.
4. Most « Meet Me » girls do contact me as well, once I write « Hey! What’s up? 🙂 », and the ball goes rolling from there. I’ve been first contacted by almost half of my conversations, with them either sending pics in the first message or after I request them. The thing is, don’t shy away from users with private images – some of them are the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen! They just don’t want to deal with the horndogs on the site.
5. Yeah, that’s hit and miss. However, most girls I actually would be interested in do appear, so that’s something.
P.S. I’ve only had my account for 7 days, messaged first contact with close to 100 women (my estimate), and have had conversations with 45 women, am still in constant conversation with 17 of them, and have planned 2 dates for May. Please note that I have like, 4 pics, and that’s all. YMMV.
First off, 1-2% return is about what you get in real life too. That’s not an incredibly had percentage, considering you are being exposed to thousands of local girls. Second, women still feel that they shouldn’t initiate contact. I can’t explain it, but many if not most women like a man who can « take charge ». It’s also worth noting that probably 50% of the men on this site are just looking for a piece of ass, and it’s just not worth finding out the hard way. Third, « Thank you but I’m not interested » SURELY doesn’t end well in most situations, especially a semi-anonymous online environment. I’m sure « well fuck you then bitch » is a very common response. Stop complaining and try harder with less expectations
I’m sorry you’re so frustrated with your attempts to meet people on POF. Maybe some of them are just testing the waters and aren’t really sure whether they actually want to use the site to meet up with people. When I first made a profile several years ago I was definitely VERY flaky because I wasn’t really even sure what I was looking for and didn’t want to get too involved with any one person. Another thing to mention – as women, we get tons of messages so we can’t respond to everyone and have like 20 different conversations going on. It’s too hard to keep up with so many guys.
I am not currently using my profile, but when I was using it, I did send messages to quite a few men. I can’t leave everything up to you guys! Girls should take initiative more often if they’re serious about POF – several guys I ended up dating or becoming friends with were actually people who I messaged first.