POF : Can you guys help me not suck at this…
So I’m trying dating sites for the first time. I’ve actually not had any responses. Two girls have messaged me. One seemed quite keen at first and we spoke for a good few hours. Then she stopped replying. Which stings since she was interested enough to message me. I had to be really dull to lose her interest in just a couple of hours.
I really struggle to think about what to say. I mean I was just making dull small talk. « how are you? » « So what films do you like? »
I could think of nothing significant to say.
I have this anxiety of messaging girls and trying to start a conversation. Because I feel I’m not good enough at it. And my first impression will suck.
I really could use advise.
By. KaladinStormborn90
I would say just be yourself and if that’s not enough to keep someone interested then they’re not for you. If you can’t make small talk online, you’ll probably struggle face to face.
Same with if they don’t reply, try not to take it to heart, it’s not on you.
Other than that, talk about anything, what’s the weather like where they live? Been on any cool holidays?
Its a coinflip.
Sometimes you have to accept and consider the several factors involved. I always found Pof the most interesting because its completely random. Its not you, its more how they view you and its a decision to determine if you’re what they want / need.
– Some women are on it for the attention
– Some are on it for the the online dating shopping.
– Some are on it hoping to find Idris Elba and refuse to settle with anything less
– Some are on it for hooking up.
– Some are on it and I swear its because they are paid to.
– Some are on it because they have their own reasons.
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Don’t worry about if they don’t respond. It is what it is. If they wanted to, they will respond and they will put an effort. That’s how I see it. I met my partner on it, and from start to finish it was easy talking to her. While I can talk to other girls and only get 1 worded answers or responses from socially inept individuals.
Trust me its all random, but if you are the person who talked has good rapport, it will be very fluid and you guys will talk easily.
Don’t worry man. Some girls will text you weeks later. Lol. Don’t click on any links. Kik and snap chat invites are just $ chasing ho’s lol. Most likely not even a girl lol. Plant a lot of seeds, hope one grows lol. I’ve been told that since covid all hook up site are crazy bad with time wasters, fansonly types. Idk I’m super new to this all myself. Good luck site still works. Lol. Not pulling the best quality or numbers but still pulling.
Join the club, man.
Online dating for men is basically an interview while online dating for women is shopping. They have LOADS of options and hardly have to put in any effort compared to men while men basically have to fight just for people to keep talking to him.
And hey, you just started man. I talked someone who ghosted me after she cancelled a date with me, talked to me again, saying she was sorry, that she was ‘busy’ and telling me she wanted to meet up then ghosted me again before we could even plan something.
I also talked to some girls who told me they weren’t interested after a month (sometimes months). It’s hard, man. It really is. Don’t worry about it though. Your time will come.
Edit: P.S., try Hinge or Bumble instead. POF is a haven for freaks, scammers and people you flat out don’t want to date
I’m right there with you. Sometimes it can be hard to maintain small talk online without interacting with them. There is a fine line between asking them for a date and keeping the convo online. I have done it all, I’ve been dating for over a year and a half now with some small successes in dating a few short term. I am a lesbian 40F but women, I found, act the same either way. Here’s what I have experienced.
• Women don’t usually say what they are actually seeking. Try to get to the truth as soon as possible. I found using jokes help this along.
• They love to talk about their intreats, find one from their profile and indulge in it early in the convo.
• Try to stay on one topic longer than just their initial response. e.g. you: Are you looking forward to anything this weekend? Them: yes, I’m hanging with a friend of mine. You: that’s cool, are they fun plans or chill plans? Them: chill plans. You: awesome, do you get to hang with this person often? Etc…
Sometimes it might feel as if you’re carrying the conversation but keep at it. It takes some time to open up usually. Also do not be afraid to ask questions you really want to know. If you get stuck, here are some questions I keep on hand to spark some interaction.
What is the hardest part about dating you?
If you have, when was the last time you ghosted someone and why?
What was the first thing you noticed about me?
What about you has been completely misunderstood by others, if anything?
What do you think my drink of choice is?
I’m giving you permission to ask me anything you want to, ask me anything!
How emotionally available do you feel you are currently? Explain.
Do you have any fears of commitment?
I wish you the best! Hope this helps!