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POF : Do I understand this correctly?

POF : Do I understand this correctly?


A little background: I have been divorced for 1 year, I am 37/m. I’m not hideous. I posted my profile in a previous post. After wading through what seemed like thousands of profiles, I found someone that really stuck out to me; a beautiful local single mother of 3, age 33. She seemed really great from her profile. She posted her IG handle. I requested to follow, she accepted within seconds and requested to follow me in return. Her IG account verified that she is indeed a real person and the person she claims to be on POF. I spent 2 days overthinking what to write to her. I finally worked up the courage to send her a message on IG (because I thought it might be lost if I sent it through POF). I introduced myself, explained that she was the first person I have ever reached out to online via a dating site and I thought we might be a great match, that we had similar goals and interests, and that I felt that it would be a mistake to not reach out to her because of what could have been, and wished her a great week and that I would like for the chance to get to know her. 3 days pass. No response. She had read the message within a few hours after I sent it. She hasn’t unfollowed me though. I guess I am so new to this that I had no idea that there would be women out there that would create these elaborate profiles detailing what they are looking for, and when they are contacted politely and enthusiastically they just ignore them. Why bother?! So after reading many posts here, I have come to the conclusion that I should expect this to be the norm. If someone were to message me, at the very least if they didn’t appeal to me for whatever reason I would at least respond to them and say no thank you. Or am I just weird?


By. redveinlover

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  1. The volume of messages women get usually means they haven’t got the time to pursue each one and find out if the person behind them is worth talking to for them.

  2. From a woman’s point of view there might be a couple of reasons she doesn’t respond and the reasons I personally don’t respond to someone if I’m not interested:

    – you respond saying you’re not interested; but he guy refuses to take that answer and continues to message you. Eventually you end up blocking them as it starts to get a bit weird (my personal reason)
    – you respond saying you’re not interested only to be met with a rude response about how you aren’t even that hot blah blah blah
    – the volume of messages
    – the fact that you didn’t message her on POF might be weird to her; I understand she put her IG handle on her profile but that doesn’t mean she wants to be messaged on there
    – as someone else said – did you include a link to your POF page so she can see what your profile says?
    – lastly sometimes the messages which guys might think are really well thought out on their heads come off as quite creepy when read out loud / by the recipient

    I wouldn’t take it personally; at the end of the day the Internet has changed the way people interact with each other (not saying it’s a good thing) and it might sound harsh but if you’re going to go down the online dating route you need to get used to it; if only to prevent yourself from getting hurt!

    Hope that helps!

  3. It’s a common mistake by online dating rookies to think that every girl you message is going to reply back. All you need to know that lots of guys message the same girls, and girls don’t have the time nor patience to reply to each one so they will just ignore those they are not interested in. My advice to you, don’t get too invested to someone you’ve not yet met in person, and message multiple women, and hopefully one of them reply back.

  4. Yes, you’re not weird. Sometimes I message and never expect to get a reply back. If I do, it’s a bonus. I used to message the same person twice, but gave that up as don’t really care TBH.

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