POF : Not even a bite after years
I’ve been on PoF for several years. At first it was more of a joke so that I could get a friend of mine to make his own acount after his wife left him.
Skip ahead several years,
My wife left me about three years ago. I remembered I had a PoF account about a year and a half ago. I completely reworked my account, found some good pics, and started looking through some of the potential matches within 50 miles.
The results that first week are the same results as this week and every in between. I get one or two a month that have looked at my profile but there are none willing to chat. I message a few a week with a decent length message, no respondse. I’ve even messages several that are in the « Will Respond » section hoping to get some sort of response, nothing.
I didn’t have much self esteem before, thanks to my ex-wife and years of horrible treatment. After being a member of several different dating websites, dating apps, and even going out to group outings with people, I get nothing.
I know my faults but I also know my strengths, or so I thought. Is there something I don’t know about? Is there some sort of tip to using these apps or the dating game in general? I’ll admit that it’s been a while since I’ve dated anyone, but it couldn’t have changed that much… could it?
By. Warhead3pt0
Delete the gym
Hit Facebook
Work on yo self
Write
Hi. My name is ——–. Would you like to chat? Either you won’t get a response or you will.
Also rule 1 and 2 apply here
1. Be attractive
2. Don’t be unattractive
Frankly, it’s just the platform and psychology of it, I feel. After reading a lot I feel the only women that really stay on there are people who want it for the confidence boost. Women get a bajillion messages a day. How difficult is it to find a date if you have a bajillion choices? It’s not. They don’t want to date.
I really came to this conclusion last night. There’s this girl with this profile that’s all I’m fun and have a great sense of humor blahblahblah. Well every time I wrote I got responses, fast, but one word with no way to move the conversation forward. So I gave up, I’m like eh, I’m not her type. She’s trying to tell me buzz off.
But as people do I got hopeful last night, about 15 days since our last contact, I wrote. Instant response! But the same generic ok. Yeah.
So I finally just pop the question, I wrote as nicely as I could. Are you disinterested? I don’t mean to be rude, you seem really awesome (I mean everything written in her profile is all that!), but our conversations fall flat, and I’m just wondering if you’re busy or if I’m bugging you.
She’s like ok bye.
I’m like… I’m sorry I was trying to ask politely.
She goes it’s definite now. Bye.
So I was like be well…
And she goes U2.
So I mean here we have something that’s just bizarro behavior, where it’s implied there was some kind of interest, however minimal, killed by trying to move the conversation beyond me asking questions.
And maybe I’ll get hate for branding the rest of the pof community with that, but let’s face it, the ones that want a date get a date go on a date and delete the profile. We’re messaging people that don’t want to meet anybody, they’ve already rejected the other bajillion. That’s why half the profiles say ask me and can’t be bothered to reply.
And quite frankly, no love for the men who flip out at not getting replies. Yeah, it’s frustrating, but all they do is give ammunition for the crowd that wants to exclusively point to men’s bad behavior online as the justification for what is, in part, just rudeness of women.
TLDR the people you’re messaging don’t want to date unless they’re brand new to the site. But don’t get so discouraged that you start sending rude messages because that’s just wrong.
*edit addon.
I just want to leave here, I’m not saying all the women are rude. One of my very first messages was a very polite hey I met someone on here already, happy fishing, which of course got a polite thank you, but seriously, I estimate 90 something percent being in the confidence booster class.
my first message is usually very successful, i don’t even say hello I just make a cute silly remark about her profile….then again im in my early 20s and everyone my age is socially inept
From the female perspective its hard to find someone to actually chat with because 1) the inbox is filling up so fast its hard to give everyone a genuine thought out response 2) There’s a huge number of creeps to sift through (randos asking for nudes/pics of feet, etc)……my advice would be to make yourself stand out when you initiate a message. Say something witty about an interesting thing on her profile or lead with something you notice you both have in common. This sets you apart from the mountain of « hey » messages and shows you’ve bothered to read her profile which only helps things.
Most are dusty accounts anyway and others are traps. You should lucky. Go meet a girl at the store while waiting in line or a party!