POF : Some insight
I had been away from POF for a long time as I have been in an LTR for the best part of a decade, but unfortunately that ended a couple of years ago. This took it’s emotional toll and only recently have i felt ready to dip my toe in the dating game, so I signed back up to POF after a work colleague recommended it. For context I’m based in London, UK,
My work friend is tall, athletic, fairly attractive guy, with good photos. His ‘about me’ is just a couple of generic lines. I would say he gets 1 response for every 3 or 4 messages he sends out, and goes on to meet roughly half the women who respond (less during lock-down but still a surprising number willing to meet). He’ll quite happily string them along until he gets what he wants, then onto the next. The irony is I sense that this is making him kind of misogynistic, almost angry that his looks are the sole currency that he is being judged. He says he has no intention of getting into a long term relationship with any of these women, but i’m not sure I believe that. I honestly think if the right woman came along he’d ditch his current behaviour. But he tells me he finds most of the women he meets from there are dull, superficial and self-absorbed. And he’s shown me the profiles of women he’s met and he sure isn’t always going for the 10/10s – basically he’ll take whatever is out there to ‘scratch that itch’ at a weekend.
In comparison I’m tall, athletic but average looking. On POF I get a fair few profile views but so few responses, maybe 1 in 50 ? When I do get a response it’s literally a one word or one sentence reply, and the conversation always seems to peter out with me asking all the questions to keep it moving. So i’ve pretty much given up. I created a fairly detailed profile where I thought i came across well – self-deprecating sense of humour but also emphasising the qualities I thought would appeal to someone looking for a partner – reliable, respectful, family-orientated, ambitious etc.
I hope my friend and I’s experiences on POF are just a reflection of that site and the people who sign up to there (maybe it’s because it’s free?) and aren’t representative of society as a whole. Is this just a UK thing or is this kind of experience shared by others in the states and elswhere ? Are there alternative sites people can recommend ?
By. marmitecrumpetjoy
I think the difference is that you are looking for something serious and your friend is not taking t seriously at all. Women who look at your profile realize you are looking for a relationship, women who look at your friends profile realize he is just looking to have fun
It doesn’t matter how many times you change your profile. Don’t bother with plenty of garbage that app and website is the demeaning for men to women on there will never change there are very few that are actually serious about putting effort into getting to know a potential match. Because of the society where everything is based on your appearance and status and we are all being compared with celebrities especially men because women think we have to be the gods gift to women the muscleman the gym rat the millionaire. If you don’t fall in any of those categories in your average looking whether you’re short tall big or small you just don’t stand a chance with that app or any dating app I know I’ve learnedI’ve learned the hard way and I’ve been on all them for 2 1/2 years and plenty of fish 67 years ago was really really good I was actually getting women to whole conversations going on actively going on dates getting laid now I haven’t met one single person from plenty of fish in over two years so that tells you exactly how what a waste of time and what garbage it is women only want attention now they want to see how many matches eating at how many messages they can get and how many men are the best fit for them and if you don’t phoneless carries like I said above your shit out of luck.
As an older and very geeky female who isn’t that good looking, please let me share my perspective as someone who gets more responses than I know what to do with.
1) I am never interested in men who are too good looking (I consider them out of my league).
2) Totally not interested in men who send short responses basically just saying « hi », asking about the weather, etc. I’ll reply and give them a chance to communicate as an educated adult but if they can’t do any better than that, I explain there just isn’t enough in common and stop it there.
3) Men from certain geographical areas.
4) I also immediately discount men with very little information in their profiles. Don’t make your profile too short!
5) Needy is isn’t so bad as long as it isn’t too needy and that doesn’t show up in profiles, it shows up in messages.
6) Use profile pictures showing you doing something fun, interesting, or beautiful. Something a woman can use to start a real conversation with you.
On the other hand, if all you want are hook-ups, just say so at the top and don’t bother with putting anything else in your profile. Show you’re handsome in your pictures, explain what you’re looking for, and maybe explain how great you would be at satisfying her physical needs.
FYI: Most girls are not into scruffy guys with poor personal hygiene so if that’s you, fix it before taking profile pics or showing up on a date. If I can smell you before I see you, I’ll run in the other direction as fast as I can! No bathroom profile pics! Ask a stranger to take your photo if you must or download an app with a delay feature so you can set up your phone and then move into position doing something interesting.
When responding, look for someone with at least one common interest and then ask a fun question about it. If you don’t ask questions, it’s much harder for someone to think of something good to reply with. You want to make it as easy as possible for the girls you’re interested in to respond! Example: if they list art history as an interest, ask them what their favorite gallery or museum is and then later ask if they would like to meet there.
Don’t ask for contact information right away, build a little trust first. Please don’t make your phone number your first and basically your whole response. I am so sick of strange guys with practically no information in their profile messaging me their phone number and then getting mad at me when I don’t call. Women need to see what kind of a guy you are first so they can determine if you’re safe, interesting, and a decent guy to risk talking to. There’s nothing worse than finding out to late that guy who sent you their number is a creepy stalker dude who won’t stop calling you!
Be kind, courteous, and polite, this alone will take you a long way! Don’t be a grammar or spelling Nazi either.
Remember, to get interesting conversations you must ask interesting questions and put plenty of info in your profile which can be used to create those interesting conversations.
Don’t be afraid to discard to people who are incapable of conversation beyond a few words. If they can’t communicate here, can you imagine being married to someone like that? Not good. For relationships, you want someone who knows how to communicate!
Last but not least, never, ever give out personal information that can be used for social engineering hacks or offer to pay bills for someone. There are a lot of scammers out there, much more of a problem for men though.
Good luck, you all sound wonderful!