The 11 clues that show my man has a double life
Some men wish to apply this famous quote from a sailor: « a woman in every port ». However, it will be necessary to make a difference between men who seek to become real Don Juan by multiplying the conquests or the mistresses for a One shot, and the men who build a real love story parallel to theirs by having two women they love. One is not more justifiable or legitimate than the other, but a man who has a real double life can indeed find himself stuck in his own trap, linked – sentimentally – to two women. If you find yourself in this situation, or if you have real doubts about the possible double life of your man, we will try to answer some of the questions you have. » How to know if he’s cheating on me ? What if my boyfriend has a double life? Is my boyfriend playing a double game? »At first we will try to understand what pushes some men towards the double love life, then we will give you advice to detect this type of behavior, and know how to act in this case.
My guy has a double life: what’s going on in his head?
Every human being, man or woman, is different from another. So there cannot be a single profile of an unfaithful man. Some men never crack in the face of external temptation, some are never even tempted. Others will flirt or sometimes enter into a dating game with a woman other than their own, and still others will cheat on their partner for one night or for the long haul. It happens then that some men simply create a double life with two women, two families, and two separate households. We can therefore distinguish several types of infidelity to explain what can be happening in a man’s head at that time:
Occasional infidelity
We sometimes speak of an accident, of something that the man did not really not premeditated. The unfaithful man then confesses that he did not want to cheat on his wife, but that on a whim, under the appeal of his impulses, he let himself be drawn into a one-night stand. Which can then motivate a man to cheat on his wife « by chance » it’s sexual attraction to a woman he knows or meets, but also his curiosity, or a period of conflict with his current partner.
Some men also experience the constant need to please other women, and it then happens that they give in to temptation in a temporary « madness ».
“Everything was going well with my girlfriend who I had been with for 3 years, we were living on cloud nine. However, I had established a strong friendly bond with one of my colleagues. During an impromptu party at her house and after a few drinks, a strange look suddenly changed the atmosphere and we both fell in love. She also had a guy and we quickly felt uncomfortable following our antics. I love my wife and I don’t even know why I did this. «
This is reprehensible behavior, since it is all the same of a betrayal. But this is not yet a repeat infidelity and this kind of man then realizes how stupid he was and how much he loves his wife.
Repeated infidelity
This infidelity is regular and it is repeated often, sometimes in the form of phases. Some men are always unfaithful and almost never manage not to give in to their impulses, others will cheat on their wives at times of significant change in their lives such as when their wives are pregnant and they are about to become fathers, or when they become fathers. ‘they find a new job, for example.
A man can cheat on his wife because he is afraid to commit or the relationship is starting to get too serious or moving too fast. He may also need to look elsewhere to find himself, or simply because he cannot find satisfaction in his relationship. Finally, other men fail to maintain exclusive relationships with a single woman and therefore constantly cheat on her.
It can also be a question of ego: a man who wants to prove to others that he can chain together conquests, and even have several at the same time.
“I have always been serious with women. I was with a girlfriend for 2 years and it was the first time that I was so much in love with a person. I did anything for her and would have been able to give her my life to make her happy. After two years of mad love, she left me for a friend of mine. Since that day, I am no longer the same. I no longer trust women, and I keep conquering without worrying about what they think. I even created a list in which I put the first name of each of the girls I sleep with. They call me « flirtatious, playboy, Casanova », and yet at the beginning, I wanted to make my whole life with this person. «
The mistress or second wife
This is another kind of infidelity and it is something taboo in our current society, since our culture is marked by monogamy with each time a single woman to found a single family. However, some men do not manage to confine themselves in this situation and thus learn to play on two tables at the same time. These men have two lives, one with their wife and sometimes their children, the other with a mistress.
What can grow a man to have several wives at the same time, it’s here search for the perfect and complete woman. Unconsciously, he will cheat on his wife with a mistress who has qualities complementary to her. He will for example like the maternal and rational side of his wife, and the madness of his mistress. He will look in one of the two for what the other does not have.
However, it is not all the time what one can relate to a Don Juan, since a man who has two different wives engages with both on an emotional level. He has this need to love two women at the same time, and then strives to maintain both relationships. Some men, for example, buy the same gift in duplicate, adopt two dogs of the same breed and with the same first name, etc.
“I lived in Strasbourg with my partner, and I was traveling to Bordeaux 10 days a month for work. Everything was going well with my wife, although I admit thathe was missing that little touch of madness that I have always looked for in a woman. One day, while traveling in Bordeaux, I met a woman from 6 years younger than me, pretty and completely outgoing. I fell in love with it. I did not then confess to either of the two the existence of the other. I told my mistress from Bordeaux that I worked in Strasbourg the rest of the time. I played on two tables for almost 4 years, until a colleague with whom I had had a violent argument confessed to my wife that I had a mistress. I never confessed it to my mistress, I came to live in Bordeaux and got married with it. When I think back to my double life, I admit having taken a lot of pleasure in it: I totally liked both, with their qualities and their faults, and it allowed me not to ruminate alone when I was on the move. «
Here’s what can lead to infidelity
We are going to give you a non-exhaustive list of what can cause a man to be unfaithful. Be aware though, ladies, that if your man is cheating on you or playing a double game with you, it is not your fault. We can nevertheless identify some leads thanks to the observations and analyzes of various sociologists and psychologists on the question of adultery.
- Sexual dissatisfaction: a man who is not sexually fulfilled in his marriage can go elsewhere to release his tensions. Some men need more sex than others and sometimes need to supplement their sex life with an outside person.
- The need for new things: Routine often sets in in a couple, and not all men are insensitive to it. Some people then have this need to seek a new experience, to take risks, to take advantage of the present moment by leaving aside their good conscience.
- Lack of self-confidence: a man who is not confident in himself may need to be reassured by seducing. Admittedly, the love that his wife has for him and the compliments she sends him are nevertheless supposed to enhance him. But he needs to know if other women like the one he’s already seduced.
- Revenge : If you’ve cheated on your man before and he knows it, or if you often threaten to break up for example, he may be showing some revenge by cheating on you. It is a frequent response to a feeling of frustration: « she cheated on me and I remain faithful … She always threatens to break up and I have to endure … ».
Differentiate double life from infidelity
As we have seen previously, there are different types of infidelity, although all of them are reprehensible when they cross the established limits in your relationship. By the way, have you ever set limits in your relationship? Or do you feel that limits are naturally implied in a relationship? It’s a very interesting debate since when some couples admit to being in a common-law relationship, others feel that love cannot be shared. Yet the sexual fantasy of a three-way relationship is predominantly present, even among couples who do not want to share. If there is a threesome relationship, then is that some form of infidelity for you? Please let us know in the comments.
Regarding double life and infidelity, these notions are more or less intertwined but they must be differentiated nonetheless.
In an infidelity – and we have just seen it – it can be for the man to take revenge, to break the routine or to need to test his power of seduction as well as his libido. The error is all the more serious when it comes to relationship Regular « ass plan » for example in which the man shamelessly cheats on his wife. However, he knows how to distinguish between his wife and his plan or his mistress.
In the case of a double life, the situation immediately becomes more complicated. The man actually develops feelings for two people at the same time. It can happen that he loves both with the same power and does not want to separate from one of the two under pain of suffering. It is then a question of a bigamy in which he will build two distinct couples.
Two parallel romantic relationships, between which he will have to skillfully juggle. He must not get the wrong first name, must know the schedules of his two wives, and must develop his reflexes and his repartee in the face of questions from one and the other. Double life is clearly a game of lies. To find out if your man is lying to you, do not hesitate to read our article here.
A man who loves two women at the same time actually has a gap to fill. He seeks a balance by complementing the contributions of one with those of another. These are – for him – two opposing pleasures, but linked to each other. An exciting trap for many men who then become dependent on this bigamous system.
If you are currently wondering that something is wrong. Be careful, when I say that something is wrong, it could also be a problem. paranoid on your part, or a lack of self-confidence.
Indeed, the questions that we ask ourselves when we doubt our partner prevent us from taking a step back on the situation. “I am convinced that my boyfriend has a double life, that my man has an affair. He goes to bed …
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