Dating : 10 Signs You’re A Girl With A Broken Heart

It gets darker than just changing your hair color.

1. You’re depressed

Let’s begin with the obvious. You’re flipping through the channels and come across James Cameron’s “Titanic.” You roll your eyes and lift the remote, scowling and squinting your eyes menacingly at the television. But an hour later, you’re crying as Rose is rasping, “Jack… Jack!” and you’re remembering how you too were left clinging to life, bereft, adrift, and worst of all, without a man like him to begin with.

2. You’ve indulged a bit too much

For me this is junk food, alcohol, smoking, gambling, sleeping in — all the things my ex hated most about me even when I was doing them in only small and healthy doses during our relationship. Now I am spitefully indulging myself, and often feeling like a toddler might after breaking into the sweets without anyone around to stop them. I feel physically sick, but also proud. I imagine myself flipping my four-year-old middle finger to my ex and it feels good, even if I know I’m going overboard.

3. You’re watching porn

Another form of indulgence, though one that can be considered healthy, particularly outside the context of a relationship, is self-pleasure. However, when you find yourself staring at a Taiwanese teenager furrowing her brow as she takes it in the bum, you might grimace, imagining all the terrible turns her life has taken to place her in this position. I think of the many prostitutes and other sex workers around the world, and I wonder about their lives, and pity them. Then I come, and I pity my sorry self.

4. Your hygiene is suffering

Some mornings since the break-up, I’ve woken up and thought, “My god, what is that smell?” and sure enough, it is my own breath after I’ve conked out, failing to brush my teeth. This ties in to number 2, of course, and if you’re eating crappy food, and drinking alcohol, and smoking whatever, you’re going to hate yourself in the morning for not being diligent about bodily self-care. I find myself smiling and examining the color of my teeth, then grinning wide and opening my eyes as far as they’ll go to compare their whites as a benchmark. It’s not looking good, to be honest.

5. You’re on the rebound

I’ve recently started seeing someone who, when I try to describe him, the words, “boyish, the color grey, brick wall,” come to mind. It isn’t that he’s boring, but he’s very (let’s say) even keel. We’ve hung out a few times, and I’ve been considering whether and when I’d be ready to sleep with someone new. I’m probably moving too fast, being reckless. When your heart is really shattered, all you want to do is self-destruct a bit. I even signed up to be a sugar baby, but couldn’t go through with it, and have instead settled for this more modern and equal relationship for the time being. He has soft lips, but the ex is still hovering in the back of my mind.

6. Your sleep schedule is all fucked up

Though I’m not a person who does routines exactly, I did used to wake up pretty consistently during one window of a couple of hours, after falling asleep during another window of several hours. These days, it’s much more chaotic. Some weeks I’ve found myself on this strange 1-to-1 schedule, where I might sleep for eight hours, wake for another eight, then sleep again for the same and do the whole thing over again. Or maybe it will be 5 hour or 6 hour blocks. What this means is that I’m sometimes up in the early afternoon, the early morning, then the late afternoon, then late night… It’s gotten a little crazy, and I’ve started losing track of the days.

7. Your playlist has changed

When you were in a relationship, you could listen to whatever you wanted, and the meaning didn’t have to hold some deep emotional resonance for you. It could just be fun, music could just be music. Nowadays, you find yourself taking long baths where you blast Fleetwood Mac, Dido, Julian Casablancas, or whatever it is that makes you feel better and understood. My ex actually asked me if the songs I’d been posting on Facebook were messages to him. I said no, but after some thought, maybe they were. I need to block him.

8. You obsessively examine texts, photos, emails and voicemails

Looking back at our past correspondence, I’m baffled that I ever let someone so conceited and controlling have power over me. I zoom onto his face during the last days we took photos together, right before the breakup, and stare into his eyes, trying to see the signs of doubt and anger. I’m reading between all the lines, and probably drawing lines where there aren’t any. I also don’t care if my narrative is somewhat off, because I’m starting to feel better. This will help me get over it, even if I am misinterpreting things. I’m also still in that stage of stalking his online profiles, and saying, “Fuck you,” quite a lot in the process.

9. You’re planning a hair change

Yes, of course, this will come up. In my case, the thing I’d like to do most right now, and feel a strong physical urge to do, is cut my hair to a short bob. I would also like to dye it, probably black, but maybe some crazy color like lavender, or forest green. Typical break-up behavior, I know. However, I’m a rational being, so I will probably get dreadlocks first, which I have wanted for a very long time, then eventually cut those off, with a plan to grow my hair into a bob, and at that point, I’ll probably cry because I look like a troll.

10. You’re plotting to destroy humanity

Don’t act like you haven’t considered it. This ties into number 1. The truly depressed have definitely pondered going to school for many years to study chemistry and epidemiology, and to cook up a poison or plague that will destroy humankind, releasing it as the ultimate and very adult middle-finger to not only your ex, but also everyone. Thanos is a little bitch. We must aim higher! Burn it all down!

It’s true, there have been some dark days.