Dating : 10 Things I Don’t Miss About Dating

humor, kinda

Now that the holidays are here, it’s time for me to sour-grapesify the whole relationship thing again. If you are happily dating or partnered up (or both — hey I don’t judge), this list doesn’t apply to you. But then again, I got divorced after a 20-year marriage, so you never know. The following are items I have given up without a glance back. Well, not a long, longing glance anyway…

1. Having to shave my legs every day JUST IN CASE. I know there are men out there who say they don’t care, but we know they’re lying.

2. Spending a gazillion dollars on a cute and sexy new outfit, just to hear him say “you look nice” or nothing at all. Mostly nothing.

3. Joining a dating site to get bombarded with ego-boosting messages that all turn out to be from liars and cheaters.

4. Messaging that one guy who seems okay and he never responds.

5. Actually meeting someone and having to pretend I like Star Wars, gah.

6. Sitting through hours of mind-numbing TV shows so we can cuddle on the sofa instead of writing alone in my room, which is what I really want to do.

7. Dealing with men who want to split the check when they make triple my salary.

8. Never meeting their family so I am left wondering if they are actually married or ashamed of me or what.

9. Even worse, meeting their family. On a holiday. Shudder.

10. Sex. It’s always better in my imagination anyway.

There, now I feel better about being alone on the holidays, especially during this Covid Christmas when I can’t even get together with my single friends where we pretend that we’d rather play board games and eat random potluck than be trapped with a significant other who wants to decorate the house all schmaltzy, cook nummy foods together, and love us forever. OMG WHO NEEDS THAT WHEN WE HAVE CODENAMES!

Keep my list handy. 😉