Dating : 13 Things About Sex I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago

It has been decades since sex education was first introduced in high schools in the U.S. It teaches about human sexuality, human reproductive organs, and responsibilities. But it doesn’t talk about what actually happens between a man and a woman when they have sex. That has always been something thought to be exclusively the responsibility of parents.

But how many parents have ever sat down with their kids to explain the nitty-gritty of having sex? Not many, I bet. For the few parents who were willing to discuss such sensitive matters to their children, I applaud you!

But the rest of us are left to our own devices to figure things out. And so we clumsily enter into a sexual relationship. The results aren’t always pretty. If only we can go back in time and have a chat with our younger selves, then we’d be able to set things right.

If my present self could go back to the past, these are the things I’d tell myself about sex.

We all grow up thinking sex is a taboo topic. It’s not something people talk about openly. When people do talk about it, they always keep it on the hush-hush. This discourages young people from asking questions. But that shouldn’t be the case. It’s okay to ask for sex advice.

You’ll be a dried-up old prune before your parents volunteer any information to you. Don’t wait for them to breach the subject. Go ahead and ask them for some advice. I wish I had! If asking your parents is too weird for you, you can ask friends with more experience for advice. We ask our friends for advice for just about anything, so why not about sex too?

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just follow a set of rules and techniques and we’d all have mind-blowing sex? Unfortunately, sex is more complicated than that. For starters, everyone has their own needs and preferences. Plus, there’s no one way to do it.

The key to satisfying yourself and your partner is being honest with each other. Tell your partner how you want to be touched. At the same time, you should ask your partner what they want.

When young people can’t find the answers to their burning questions about sex, they turn to porn. But watching porn is a really bad way to learn. For starters, it’s not real. That woman who keeps moaning no matter how uncomfortable she’s positioned is an actor.

Porn is entertaining for sure. But it’s just a fantasy. We’re not supposed to copy it in real life. You may end up with a bad leg cramp or back pain for the rest of the week if you do.

Admitting that you’re horny as a woman will get you weird looks from people, even in today’s digitally advanced age. What more 10 years ago? But being horny is not something you can control. It’s a natural biological reaction of our bodies. It’s not something we should be ashamed of.

Foreplay is another thing they don’t discuss in sex ed. Your parents would probably shy away from the topic too. But if I could go back in time, I’d tell my younger self all about foreplay. That it’s not something you can either do or skip. It’s a vital part of having sex.

I blame porn for making young people think foreplay is unnecessary.

Sex is not a race to orgasm. It doesn’t start and end with penetration.

You should learn to take your time. Take pleasure and enjoy every second of it.

Society has conditioned us to perform a certain way during sex according to our gender. But I have since learned that sex is not a duty. It doesn’t require you to sound, move, or look a certain way. It just requires you to be equally committed to your own pleasures as much as your partner’s. And if you’re not in the mood for it, you don’t have to force yourself to do it for anyone. Ever!

Contrary to popular belief, humor is very much welcome in bed.

Whether it’s your first time or not, awkward things can happen in bed. You could be going hard and about to orgasm when you and your partner fall off the bed or smash heads into each other. It’s okay to laugh at such instances. Don’t take it too seriously.

All of your friends are already doing it, so why shouldn’t you? That’s the wrong mindset.

Don’t fall prey to peer pressure. If you’re in a relationship and your partner is basically guilt-tripping you to do it with him, ditch him right away. If you give in to him that one time, he’ll continue manipulating you into doing something you don’t want to.

You don’t have to do it if you’re not yet ready. Don’t be afraid to wait until you find someone you’d be happy to do it with. Don’t settle for anything less.

Your body. Your choice. You have the power to choose who, where, and when to have sex. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. That’s a lot of don’ts. But trust me on this one!

Aside from the lucky few, most women take time to orgasm.

If you can finish five times in just a few minutes, you are a certified legend! But for the rest of us, this is borderline impossible. Most women need more time to finish. And to make it more complicated, each woman’s needs are different. We all need a different set of specific circumstances to get our release. Sometimes, we don’t even get there.

But here’s the important part. It’s not your fault if it’s taking you longer to orgasm. Don’t stress yourself too much about it. I wish I learned this sooner.

Years ago, my friend and I quietly and inconspicuously sneaked inside a small, dark store selling sex toys and sexy costumes. We were pointing at all the toys, and we just kept giggling. But we ended up not buying anything because we were afraid of what people might say. Entering the questionable shop may have already raised a few eyebrows from onlookers. Looking back, I wish I had been brave enough to purchase something.

Nowadays, it’s so much easier to buy sex toys. You no longer need to go to the shop physically. You can just order online and ask the seller to keep the toy in discreet packaging. Or, if you want, you can buy one of those sex toys that don’t look like sex toys. A vibrating necklace actually exists now. Hurray for technology!

Go ahead and get yourself a few toys to play with. There’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to use them every day.

There are so many myths surrounding masturbation. Let me bust some of the biggest ones for you. Masturbation is normal. Lots of people do it — more than you think. You can do it whether you’re single or in a relationship.

There’s no “normal” amount of masturbation. As long as it’s not disrupting your life, you can masturbate as many times as you want in a day. If you want to stay in your bed alone and pleasure yourself, do so. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Sex is not the poetically beautiful experience Hollywood movies portray it to be. It’s a lot messier than that. There’s a lot of sweating and heaving involved. There will also be lots of fluid, especially if you’re using lube. Plus, you better make sure that condom you use is properly secured when throwing it away. Otherwise, it’s going to spill everywhere.

Sex education has always focused on teaching how reproductive organs work and how to avoid a pregnancy. What it fails to teach is that sex is also about giving and receiving pleasure. Yes. It’s how you make a baby. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the process. But there’s still this stigma that shames women for putting pleasure before reproduction.

The world is more open about sex now. But people may still look at you like you’re a daughter of Jezebel if you tell them that you enjoy sex. But enjoying sex will not upset the balance between good and evil or bring about the apocalypse. Women can and should find pleasure in sex.

Don’t be afraid to experiment with your partner. You can roleplay or try BDSM. Do whatever you think both of you will enjoy. Don’t let other people’s opinions get in your way.

To foster a healthy sexual relationship, I needed to unlearn most of what mainstream society taught me. I had to learn to take charge of my body the hard way. How about you? What do you want to tell your younger self about sex?