Dating : 2nd — 5th July 2019

It was a cold morning on the 2nd of July before I started my important meetings in town. I re-checked my equipment before I get into the car. After all of it set, I drive to town with cars and motorcycle beside me push the bell button. It was not a cold morning anymore but it becomes annoying morning for me.

I arrived in my office at 8 am and starts to do my presentation and it went well. I am glad. Many of my co-workers congratulate me with a bright face. But they were not there. Yes, them. People who I put their names on my acknowledgment. One of them show up and it made me relieved. At least one of them remembered.

“Why they did not come?” asked one of my co-workers to me
I know exactly who he was talking about, I just put my smile and answered “
They have a lot of things to do rather than show up on one of my accomplishment. It will be fine. We’ll get a party started tonight”. And they just smiled because they knew, I put a lot of poker face in that conversation.

I get sad and thinking that I was unimportant to them because they did not show up. I tried to put my positive thinking to them but I cannot.

— — — — — —

Next day, 3rd of July:

“Where are you?”, the man who I put his name on my acknowledgment texted me.
“
Why?”
“
There’s a party in North Hotel, you should come and have fun! It started at 8! Please do come!” and the calls ended.

Did I come to that party? I did yes. But I do not get the party vibes in there. I just saw them have fun meanwhile I have so many things in mind. I ignore them and place my self on the bench outside the hotel. One of the staff tried to approach me, he said

“Aren’t you having fun?”
“I did.”
“Well, it doesn’t look like you are having fun”
“This is how I am having fun”

And he left. Maybe he knew that I do not like being disturbed because I put a lot of beers beside me and my mouth full of cigarettes. I was watching the stars and the sky looks darker than it used to. Around 3 am, I called it a night.

— — — — — —

4th of July:

On my usual day, I drink black coffee with my laptop on and cigarettes in the mouth. I do my other works in my favorite place in town. People in that cafe congratulate me. I felt welcomed in here, my thought said that thing to me. I spent a whole day in there and

“Hi, where are you? Are you coming back to North Hotel? They arranged for another party.” the other woman who I also put her name in my acknowledgment sent me the message.
“
Nope”, I sent it quickly without saying other words.

I do not want to spend my entire evening when I do not feel welcomed there. I shut down my phone and my laptop and began a conversation with people in that cafe. That cafe really does brighten up my days a lot better. For three hells of a day I have been, the smile in my mouth started to spark again.

— — — — — —

Last, 5th of July:

I came to the workplace around 9 am to make sure I finished everything. And all of them who I wished them here when my accomplishment went well come. They come because she, the one who I hope she came, do her accomplishment. They congratulate her. I feel betrayed. But still, I put my smiley face to them.

Did I jealous of her? Obviously.

But I should grateful for everything I have. I still have other people around who support me when I was not asking them to.

I put my earphones on and play Foo Fighters song. I hope they knew, that I was crying. But I do not need their sympathy. I have been through a lot and they not know a thing.

I am just hoping, they have not felt what I feel.