Dating : 36, Rainbow Colony

Hello friends, I am Ravi, Ravi Krishnananthan. I am not a rich person whom you could admire. I also believe, if you can read English, you probably have never been in my position.

This ‘Writer Saahab’ took a lot of interest in my life. He said, he found something behind my silence. I ignored him initially. I have a lot of other works to do rather than telling him my story. Still, he continuously insisted me to break my shell and make me naked in front of him. The only reason, I am telling him the story is, I want to get rid of him. He annoys my old customers also.

But before reading this story, I want to tell you something very honestly. I am a poor Indian youth and of little worth, who runs a pan shop at a corner of Koramangla road near Westin hotel. It sucks all my blood to earn 6 to 7k in a month. So, if you are here to satisfy your fantasy, you are reading the wrong one.

And yes, I loved a girl. Do you think it’s a crime? No? Then, I think, you are yet to find your soulmate. You want to know why? Cause, it’s the universe who made this ‘give and take’ policy. You have to lose yourself to get your soulmate. In what extent? I don’t know. Maybe, a soul for a soul!

I don’t know the place where I was born. I heard that my mother was a prostitute. I never saw my mother in my life. She left me to Sunetra before her death. Sunetra was her best friend. The person, who didn’t use her for money, took care of her like her own sister. They knew about each other. They knew this society will never accept their identity. Who accepts a trans-woman and a prostitute? So, they became a need for each other.

I was brought up in a transgenders’ community. We had a little room in 36, Rainbow colony. Though, there were problems with those basic needs like electricity and water, we still found the joyful ways to live our life. Sunetra and her friends had never made me feel that I have no-one of my own. They treated me like their child only. I did just everything what a normal child does in their childhood days.

Sunetra was a drug seller like most of our neighbours. She was also another troop for those corrupted policemen who used to ‘seize’ drugs for their own benefits and sell them through these transgender people. They knew, these people are helpless to find their daily foods. They also knew, no top officers will come in their area to conduct raids. They took advantages of these people’s existence. But, in return of that favour, they used to beat them in police custody to take most of the shares of their profits.

Six years ago, on that day, Sunetra was unwell. She had a fever from last night. I was there in the room, trying to boil rice for us. She looked up from her bed and asked, “Can you do a favour for me?”

“Hmm…” I replied. I was busy in measuring water.

“Can you go and reach the packet to Shivan’s home? Otherwise, he will come and take me today, again.”

Shivan was a crook police constable and a termite of that food chain. He used to come at the end of every month to collect their shares. Sunetra did not like it. Shivan was a bad-mouth person. She tends to avoid abusive languages in front of me.

But, what is surprising to me was, Sunetra wanted to send me to his house. She always wanted me to stay out of her business. She never wanted to involve me in this. She always avoided me by saying, “We have an advantage. What do you have?”

“Are you okay, Su? Should I call a doctor?” I asked her.

“Have you gone mad?” Sunetra laughed. “Which doctor will be ready to visit this hell?”

I became quiet. Deep inside, I also knew, I was carried away by my emotion.

I finished the cooking part, took the packet and left.

It took me an auto of 5 rupees and 10 minutes of walk to reach Shivan’s place. Shivan lived with his family in the quarters of police society. Transgenders are not allowed, I read there on a board outside the entrance.

Su told me the direction. When I reached there, I saw a woman on the balcony, Su directed. She was cleaning its floor.

“Is it Shivan’s place?” I shouted.

“Yes, what happened?” She took her broom down.

“I am here to give him a packet. Can you ask him to come down?” I replied.

“Come up. Akansha, take a packet from this boy,” the woman instructed someone and went inside.

I went up to their door. I was about to knock the door, it opened. A mild breeze and it blew her hair away. The girl, in front of me, I looked at her. She was not an angel but had all the qualities of being it. Her large eyes, symmetrical face, thin lips — were exactly similar to the girl one could ever dream.

Jesus! How could you create someone so simple, yet so gorgeous? I asked myself.

Akansha, my one decision to fall in love with her, changed my entire life.

“Packet?” She asked.

“Yeah… This one please,” I handed over the packet.

“Okay.” She kept the packet on a table inside.

“And, who are you?” She asked before shutting the door.

I hesitated a bit to answer it. I had no other options though. It was Su’s monthly commission to Shivan.

“Sunetra has sent the packet,” I said and left.

I didn’t know what to call it. It was a strange yet good feeling for me. I never felt before like that.

Bisu, another slum boy, cleared my doubts. He said, I was in love. Besides it, he gathered all info required to know about her.

My friend, Bisu, told me Akansha studies in a government college. Her college starts from 10 in morning and ends around evening 4. I could not be able to see her within this time.

The only time, you could be able to see her is when she returns for home, Bisu said. I must say, he did a fantastic job in terms of observing her time schedule.

Knowing that, I used to pack up all my works within 4 to go to her college. Maybe, it was a glance for others. But for me, a moment of watching her coming out of the college, was touching my dreams.

One day, I was standing behind a tree, near the college gate. I was waiting for her college to end. Someone patted on my shoulder. It was Akansha.

I became numb to see her. I never expected such an encounter, where I could have to face her directly, all of a sudden.

In a straight voice, she asked, “What do you want?”

I kept mumbling. I said, “Nothing at all…”

“Then? You want me to tell my dad?” She said.

“No, no… I am leaving right now. I’ll not disturb you,” I said.

I became scared. Shivan was not a good person at all. If he comes to know I am following her daughter, he may harass us, I thought.

I prepared to leave but she held me back.

“Wait, I have something for you,” she said.

Then she leaned on me, pulled my cheeks and kissed on it. All these things happened suddenly and so quickly, it took me a few breathes to understand. While I came back in a condition to ask her something, she had already left the place.

I was unable to figure it out until Bisu started giggling and said, “She is a fast-forward girl. Not like you!”

Later on, we started meeting each other. I loved her everything while she only loved my orange ice cream. I used to buy an orange ice cream every time we meet. I loved to watch her kiddish smile after getting ice cream. It was ecstasy to me.

It was raining on that day. I was standing behind the tree, outside her college. She noticed me from the college gate. She waved her hands and asked me to come inside the college. I entered her college for the first time.

“Why do you call me inside your college? What if someone notices us?” I asked her.

“Don’t worry much. Everyone has left. I was waiting for you only,” She said with her kiddish smile. It again made my day.

“But what to do now? Where should we go?” I was brainstorming for places nearby safe to visit in monsoon.

“No, we’re going nowhere,” she stopped me. “We will stay here and here only.”

“But… Akansha, where will we sit then? It’s already raining outside!”

“There is a classroom in the back of our college. We can go and sit there. It’s vacant today,” she said and started walking towards it. I followed her.

The classroom was dark and empty. Though, some lights were coming from the gap of those old wooden windows. The light was enough to see each other.

“Come sit here,” she pointed a bench near wiping off her face with wet dupatta.

Both of us were drenched in rain. I folded my wet t-shirt sleeves to dry my hands. I sat on the top of a bench near her.

“The weather is good, no?” She asked. I nodded. Tell me, which boy will say a rainy day bad with his girl?

She was trying to adjust her wet hair. I was looking at her. Each time, I saw her, I used to amaze by her beauty. I don’t know it was her elegance or what, she had the charm to lure me which I never found in anyone else.

While adjusting, some of her hair got tied with her earrings. She tried to untie but couldn’t help it.

“Will you please come and help me instead of staring at me?” She said looking on the other side.

“Hmm…” I came down from my bench, went closer to her and made an attempt to help her. I failed to untie her knots. It became too cluttered. We tried to do it together.

She was an expert in solving riddles. It took us around two minutes to untie that earring.

The rain was lashing continuously outside. It had no signs to stop there. Akansha stood up and said, “Let me close the windows. It is making wet both of us.” I nodded.

While she was struggling against unruly winds and heavy rains, her wet dupatta fell off from her shoulder.

“Akansha.,” I shouted at her. “Look at your dupatta.”

“Yeah…” She replied. “Stay back there and keep instructing me..”

Her irk had made me smile.

“Wait, I am taking it,” I said, took her dupatta from the ground and went to her.

“Keep it, where it was,” she said.

I became puzzled to hear it. Did she mean me to keep the dupatta on her shoulder? Or, she asked me to keep it on the dirty benches of this college?

I looked at her shoulder. It was those raindrops which were simply irresistible.

She closed the window, looked straight in my eyes and asked, “What?”

It was the weather which threw a cupid arrow on me. I tried to control its magical spells and said, “ You’re looking wonderful.”

“Soo? Do you want to touch me now?” She said in a very seductive tone.

I kept quiet. I was still looking at her mischievous eyes which were playing with me.

Next, she grabbed my waist and pulled me in from of her. “Kiss me,” she instructed.

For the first time ever, I felt like I am out of this world. It was passionate, beautiful and amazing. It came out as an expression of love I always wanted to give her.

“Even if it hurts, it’s good to be there,” she said.

She tried to pull off my t-shirt. I stopped her.

“We shouldn’t do it,” I said.

“Why?” She felt irritated with my answer.

“I have no right to love you in this way,” I replied.

“Fuck off, you moron! Bye,” she suddenly broke our bond. I tried to bring her back. She didn’t come. I knew her, she was wild. She got lost behind the curtains of rain.

A week later, I decided to go to her home. I blamed myself in that entire week. I thought it was my mistake which had turned her off. I tried to contact her in each and every possible way. But, she remained adamant to lose her position.

There was a pipe outside her house, directly connected to the balcony. Akansha’s room was beside it. It was 11 at night then. I was sure, Akansha will be awake. I was also sure about her parents’ absence as I waited for a long one hour to switch off of lights of her parents’ room.

I climbed up the pipe and reached the balcony. I saw Akansha was sleeping in her room. So beautiful you are, I told my mind. I tried to open its door. I made a slight push and it made a big noise. I had no idea about it.

It was all dark, Akansha started shouting, “Who is there? Who is in my balcony?”

I tried to tell her, it was me. I am not a thief or anyone else. But I failed.

Hearing his daughter’s panic, Shivan came to Akansha’s room. He switched on the lights and noticed me.

I completely ignored his presence. I knew I had very few time to deliver my message.

I said, “Akansha, I only came here to tell love for you. I had no other intentions and I also want to apologise for my mistake.”

“You.. son of a Hizra.. you said you love my daughter?” Shivan threw a paperweight on me. I skipped it anyway.

I thought Akansha will now say something to stop her father. I also planned to flee from the place at that time. But Akansha’s response made me shocked.

“Do you know where do you belong? You belong from Rainbow colony and you are saying you love me? This boy came to our house for one day Appa and now saying he loves me!” She screamed.

I did not understand what to answer. I was stunned by her answer. I felt in the same way the people feel who brought me up, used and thrown away. I was still figuring out the equations of how I was being used.

I followed the same route to escape from her house.

When I returned to our colony, I saw gathering in front of our room. Bisu was there in the gathering. I asked him about it.

“Shivan came here. He took Sunetra into police custody,” Bisu said.

“You could have stopped them,” I cried.

“We thought it was something about their commission. We were waiting for you to come and sort together,” Bisu replied looking at the gatherings.

“Let’s go,” I wiped off my tears and stood up.

Su was lying unconscious inside the custody. Her entire body was covered with blood. How could they torture someone so brutally? I broke down. She had no idea about what happened. Still, she suffered just because of me. I felt a pang of enormous guilt inside me. But, I had nothing to do then. I was too late for that.

I was the only person allowed inside the police station. Others were waiting outside. The officer-in-charge did not want any chaos for this petty case. He instructed Shivan to release her.

Shivan looked at me. He opened the lock up and tried to lift up Su. Su didn’t wake up. He called other constables to lift her. But they failed too. A few minutes later, they understood, she is not going to wake up.

The crowd, waiting outside, went furious to know the news. The officer-in-charge understood no-one is going to spare him now. Forget law and punishment, he started fearing about his life.

Bisu saw me beside Su’s body, weeping continuously. He sat down on the floor, kept a hand on my shoulder and said calmly, “If you’re planning to sue a case against them, you should remember they are more powerful than you and it will take a lot of money to win the case.”

I was surprised. How could he say these things when I lost the only person I had in my life?

He continued, “I know you are getting me wrong. But you have no choice, Ravi. The only way you can deal with poverty is money. Sunetra has died. You have to live now. Let’s make a deal with them.”

Bisu was a broker. He knew how to make deals. We sold Su’s body for 20 thousand rupees. The money which helped me to establish this pan shop.

Saahab, you know, I am happy to feel her absence in this world. This was not her place. How could it be a place to live when your sexual orientation can throw you to a living hell? There is no-one beside these people to stand for their basic rights. She didn’t even know the reason for getting beaten before her death. Don’t these people owe an explanation to this society for its behaviour?

I agree it was my fault which led her to death. But who can expect someone can be used in love also? Whatever Akansha did to me, I know she will pay for it. Su gave me a box full of darkness after her death. But, it took me years to understand that this, her absence, was a gift too.

I run an awareness campaign in our little room. I arrange a weekly meeting with other transgenders to talk about Indian constitution and their basic rights. You are a writer nah? You know nah how to educate people about their rights? Can you come to our place and teach us once?

The address is same, 36, Rainbow colony.