Dating : 9 Things I did to Get Myself a Date Just a Day Before Valentines Day

“Women. They are a complete mystery.”

That’s what Stephen Hawking said about women in an interview with New Scientist magazine. Just think of it for a second. You’ve figured out so many mysteries about space-time and black holes, but you still can’t get your head around women.

I relate to that part a lot. Well, not the part of figuring out the mysteries of black holes, I was talking about the second one. I am very introverted in nature and I really have a hard time doing small talks. Keeping a conversation with a stranger going is harder than lifting 50 pounds for me. I spent my teenage figuring out how do I fit in. Spoiler alert, I failed miserably.

I could never fit in in a group of extroverted friends or gather enough courage to talk to a stranger. So, as you probably have guessed by now, my dating game was utter crap. But, after I hit my twenties, I figured out some mysteries that not everyone did. And after that dating was not that hard for me to be honest.

So, how did I do it?

My biggest fear that created a barrier between me and walking up to a stranger and talking was my fear of rejection. I was afraid that the stranger, let me a man or a woman, will get awkward or won’t really be interested to talk to me.

This fear did not exist while I was with my close friends, because I knew that they love me as much as I love them and they won’t feel awkward around me.

So, all I did was to tell myself a story, a made-up story, about any stranger or less known person I wanted to approach. I told myself that he/she is actually my good friend and I am not going to spook them.

The magic is, when you think you’ll make someone feel awkward around you, you end up making them feel awkward around you. If you are confident, then it will be reflected in your voice, body language and everything.

This changed my dating game for good. Every time I approached a woman, I told myself that she is a good friend beforehand.

I met her while I was jogging early in the morning. I never noticed her jog on that street earlier. She was a complete stranger to me. To be honest, I was really attracted by her physique and couldn’t stop myself from approaching her for small talk.

You might have read a hundred self-help books telling you that the first impression is not the last impression and you can improve your relationship with time. That’s complete bullshit when it comes to dating. If your first impression is not excellent, you’re either marked as awkward or thrown straight into the friend-zone. And believe me, that’s a horrible place to be in.

So, work on your first impression. The first 90 seconds of your interaction with anyone determines the future. So, if you can get someone attracted to you in the first 90 seconds, you win the game. I learned it from a book by Nicholas Boothman.

I also described the techniques described in the book in detail in this article:

In short, approach with open body language, maintain eye contact while talking, greet nicely and most importantly, establish rapport. You have to take care of your attitude and synchronize with the other person to establish rapport.

Anger, fear, sadness — such a negative attitude drive people away. So, make sure when you are meeting someone for the first time, you greet them with a positive, happy, and supportive attitude.

You also have to take care of the three V’s of communication and congruity. You can read the article mentioned above for a better understanding.

I approached the lady with a smile and a simple, “Hey, I haven’t noticed you before today. Are you new here?” and shook hands with her while I introduced myself. And that’s it. I got her attention for the next minute or two. I utilized that wisely to build up a rapport and finding a topic for a small-talk.

Grooming plays one of the most important roles in building your first impression on a person. If you are well-groomed, you immediately become more attractive to the eyes. And believe it or not, if you’re pleasant for the eyes, you’re pleasant for the mind. Be well-groomed all the time. You never know whom you’ll be meeting accidentally.

One thing women look for in a man from the very first moment of interaction is trust. From the days of early civilization, women went with that male in the group on whom she can trust. So, establishing trust is one of the key steps here.

Now, there are two things you have to do to appear trustworthy to the other person.

Don’t fake what you aren’t:

Women are pretty good at spotting fake people. Better than men at least. If you represent yourself as more than you actually are, she is going to notice that. No matter how you frame it, she will figure it out. They’re freaking magical creatures, believe me.

Tell her where are you from:

Sounds silly? Well, no. I bet no self-help book or dating guru has ever told you this before. Guess what, I figured it out myself and this worked almost all the times for me.

I always introduce myself with a short description of where I live. That builds up the trust between me and the person I am talking to. I don’t know how it works, but it does.

Start with small, but start right away. Ask her for a simple coffee date right away. Ask her nicely, with open body language. If you don’t ask her right away after some small talks, you will lose the spark you established just now. And that will be one of the last things you’d want to do, trust me.

Ask her for a coffee date somewhere near, but somewhere nice. If you ask her after a month of your first meet, she will either forget you by then or put you into friendzone already. That place is hell. Even hell might be nicer than the friend-zone.

You might think it will be nicer to ask the lady where she wants to go on a date, or what she wants to eat, or when she’d like to go, but wait. This is a major turnoff for the woman. Most women are really attracted to men who take control of everything. You choose the time, place and everything, and ask her if that is okay with her.

If she has any problem with the place or time or anything, you change that yourself and ask her again. Only after she says no for the second time, you ask her about her preferences.

Take control of your actions if you want to take control of your dating life. It is as simple as that.

This thing you can’t establish overnight, but having a social status is really a big plus for you. I am not talking about money only though.

For example, the café I took her to, was one of the cafes I visit regularly. The waiters know me too and sometimes I don’t even have to place an order, as they already know what I am going to order. In short, I have kind of a social status there.

The social status worked for me when the waiter asked, “Regular for you, right? And what for ma’am?”

This is a very small incident but helped me build my impression of her.

This quote from the series ‘Sherlock’ is more than true when it comes to dating. Now, this is one of the things you can’t achieve in some days. I am a reader and I can’t emphasize enough how much it helped me find topics to talk about.

Reading enhances your ability to think, improves your imagination and most importantly, shapes your mind.

A reader is a leader.

So, go on, pick up a book and start reading. You’ll never run out of topics to talk about again.

Guess what, she too was a reader. We ended up discussing books, stories, events and whatnot, for hours. It was such a delight.

After I built a connection on our small coffee date, I asked her out for an actual date this time, a dinner date. She couldn’t let me down.

It’s important to ask her for a dinner date once you’re going to leave and hug each other goodbye from the small coffee date you just had. This is the time she’ll either accept your invitation or make an excuse or finally tell you that she had a boyfriend. Well, chances are, you’ll figure out the last thing somewhere in the middle of your coffee date if you play well.

That’s literally all I did to get a date on valentine’s day. If it can work for an introvert like me, it surely will for you. I am damn sure.

Well, there is no conclusion. Don’t get upset if you get rejected in the first step. Don’t work harder on that woman if you get rejected in the last step. There are plenty of fishes in the sea and I am not saying it just to make you feel good.

Conversation is a skill that can only be mastered with practice. Go talk to new people every day. Not only people you’re attracted to, talk to anyone you want to just to practice conversation. Soon enough, you’ll be impeccable.

Don’t go chase dates. Work on yourself. Build your knowledge base. Read books. Build your social status.

Women are mysterious, but you should savour the taste of the hidden mystery instead of being scared of it.