Dating : A Biblical Response to the Bachelorette.

“Jesus Still Loves Me.”

These four words were teased for weeks throughout this season of ABC’s The Bachelorette. Viewers cheered Hannah Brown on when she told the controversial and at times aggressive Luke that she didn’t owe him an explanation for her choice to be sexually intimate with one (or more) of the remaining men.

This isn’t surprising; the show typically does present constant examples of sexist behavior — not to mention the emphasis on outward appearance, unrealistic portrayals of romance and sex. And if the contestants are not confessing believers, I can’t judge them for that behavior. I’m not the ultimate Judge — only the Lord has that authority.

But there is something to be said for someone who publicly professes faith in Jesus Christ, and claims that they can go ahead and gleefully continue in sin despite knowing that their behavior is displeasing to Him.

I’m not judging Hannah Brown as a person or even her status as a believer. That is not my intention whatsoever. And it’s not my place. What I want to do is discuss whether the idea that “I have had sex [in the fantasy suites], and Jesus still loves me” is the right response to God’s word as revealed in Scripture. And if it’s not — what is?

(A quick aside — for anyone not familiar with the premise of the show, in the penultimate episode, the Bachelor/Bachelorette spends time with the remaining three (ish) contestants in the ‘Fantasy Suites’, an overnight location without cameras. Sex is, very often, a major component of these dates.)

So Hannah — this season’s Bachelorette and former Miss Alabama — goes to Fantasy Suites with all of her suitors except for one — Luke — who is a professing believer and is candid about his faith to the cameras and in conversations with her. Luke is controlling and possessive at times, so he’s not off the hook by any means for his own behavior. But he was clobbered on social media for asking Hannah if she had sex with any of the other contestants (and expressing his displeasure if she did) and because of that, is edited as “slut shaming” her. Hannah gets very defensive of her behavior — and yes, I get it — Luke isn’t her husband and his plea that she ‘owe him’ at least a chance to respond is a troubling assertion. However, right before Luke goes into the limo Hannah tells him:

“I know something that will make you want to get in that limo…I have had sex, and Jesus still loves me”.

Hannah isn’t wrong. The Lord does love her. He created her and absolutely if she’s a believer, He grafted her into His own covenantal family through the atonement paid for by Jesus on the cross. Completely agree with that. And Luke wasn’t asking her about previous relationships — he himself admitted that he had pursued sex before his conversion as well. But where I think the issue lies relates specifically to Hannah’s response to Luke’s question about her current sexual activity — aka, with the other guys she’s dating. Remember: Luke’s thinking of her as a future spouse here.

Her response “I have had sex, and Jesus still loves me” is an example of antinomianism — essentially, that holding to the moral law is unnecessary since grace covers all. So even though having sex with someone who might not be her husband violates God’s Law, Hannah’s stating here that Jesus does not care that she’s doing this.

Which, biblically speaking, is false. Jesus Himself states that He fulfills the Law — not abolishes it — and issues a warning to those who would lessen the severity of breaking the Law and teaching that to others (Matthew 5:17).

The reality is that we all have broken God’s standard — there is no one righteous in His sight (Romans 3:11–12). If we break just one law, we’re guilty of breaking them all (James 2:10). That’s why the fact that Jesus was perfectly obedient to the Law on our behalf is part of the Atonement — He did for us what we could not do for ourselves. And because of that, as Christians, we want to be obedient to the Lord as an act of gratitude (Romans 6:15).

Obviously, we all still do fall short (I especially do…every few minutes, it seems like) so that’s why we have a mediator in Jesus (1 John 2:1).

So those are some Scriptural proofs that deals with the dangers of the Christian who’s tempted to fall into antinomianism (I think this is a very real temptation and I am absolutely guilty of it myself!).

But finally, there’s one passage that I actually referred to by Heidi Lee on Instagram. In 1 Corinthians 5, Paul admonishes the Corinthian believers for “being proud” of a man’s sleeping with his stepmother. He essentially tells them that it is, in fact, right to ‘judge’ him for his actions that clearly violate God’s Law — and specifically mentions that this kind of judgment is only for believers (1 Cor. 5:12).

According to Scripture, then, Hannah’s proclamation that “I had sex, and Jesus still loves me” is not the full picture. Upon reflecting on the 1 Corinthians passage, I actually don’t think that Luke was in the wrong for confronting her on this issue. And I do find Hannah’s defensiveness concerning, especially because she doesn’t seem to feel any remorse whatsoever about her choice to be intimate with someone who is not her husband. On the contrary; she seems pretty proud of it. I’m not “slut shaming” Hannah by saying this — my point is that as a professing believer, she is held to a different standard than those who aren’t, according to Paul.

So the issue isn’t that Jesus doesn’t love Hannah. I think the main problem is her response and the seemingly flippant disregard for God’s Law it reveals. Grace saves and grace covers, yes. No; we are not saved by the Law. But ultimately, what it comes down to is this:

If you knew doing something would hurt someone you love very much, would you do it because you know them to be a forgiving person? Even if you knew it would grieve them? And if you answered yes, my next question would be: why?

I ask myself this often. And it’s what I’d ask Hannah Brown too.