Dating : Would you want to meet your SO’s racist or homophobic family
For me, this is a big no-no. I really don’t see the point in meeting someone’s family who already hates me.
The purpose of meeting your SO’s family is to bond with them and to become a part of them. If they’ve already have pre-conceived notions of who I am, I will refuse to meet them.
Plus, I am dating YOU, not your family. So that makes me even less inclined to meet your bigoted family. I can’t believe you have people who actually meet their SO’s bigoted family.
I mean, don’t you feel awkward and unwanted in their company? If I were to ever date someone with bigoted family, their family would be excluded from our wedding, children, our home, and anything else that I have say in.
If you want to still deal with your family because you care about them, cool. But just know, they’re not welcomed in my space.
Wouldn’t you want to try and meet them to change their opinion on you? I feel like you give them more (I don’t agree with them at all don’t take it this way pls) of a reason to hate you if you can’t even try and at least shake the hands of the parents, like show them that you aren’t a bad person and make a good impression!
And even if they still dont like you, at least you were the bigger person in the situation and you now know you did all you could to at least try and make the parents chill a bit.
As an example, my neighbor is very gay and he has a boyfriend, the family was super homophobic, but then my neighbor brought the boyfriend to meet the family, and now the dude goes on like family vacations and shit with my neighbor, so give it a try.
Don’t care. As long as they’re not racist against me.
Yeah. No big deal. What’s the worst can happen?
Short answer: Ugh, no.
Long answer: Possibly?…
And by that I mean I wouldn’t invite them to my home and I wouldn’t want to go to theirs.
I would be open to meeting their parents in a public setting where we’ve driven there separately and met up- so that I can leave if anything gets uncomfortable. (Even if I knew they were racist or transphobic in my case, I would see if they would change their mind after meeting me, ONCE). Hopefully then I’d be able to work my way up. If the parents get comfortable with me, they’ll be able to be « on my side » with my partner if I ever go to a larger scale gathering like Thanksgiving or whatever. If they still harbored bad feelings about me after meeting me, I would completely not continue to bother. I just can’t tolerate ignorant people or trying to change their mind since they usually aren’t looking to get their mind changed, but for my partner I might try just once. As you said, I’m dating them not their family. But if it was important to them I would try to make an effort. I personally have no familial connections and basically disassociated with my extended family for the most part- only leaving my mother and my brother, whom I don’t even care about if they like my partner or not (it’s not really their business or my concern), so it’s hard for me to understand why someone would care about what their family thinks, but some are very close to their family and they do.
If you cant meet your SO’s family, why are you dating them? Unless you are just with him for sex.
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It’s not going to work long term, you are just wasting each others time if you know the family part is going to be a issue long term. You have to think about kids eventually. Do you want your kids dealing with their family?
Realistically, could this even work out long term? Families are important. Ideally I would integrate into my SO’s family and my SO would integrate into mine. I would break up with my SO if their family couldn’t accept me because I wouldn’t want my SO to choose between us. When it comes to holidays and birthdays, their family will want to be there, I don’t want to keep them from that. I just value peace to much to risk it for love, I’d rather have both.
Maybe you’re the one with the preconceived notions…
If you are thinking about having a marriage and children with someone whose family actually « hates » you, you are a short-sighted fool. Your SO should dump you.