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Dating : A Gift for Longing

h2>Dating : A Gift for Longing

Abisena Ahmadi Suryo
credits to Naldzgraphic.net

Every time I recall the last time I was here, I got shivers. I could still remember it vividly. And I hated how all the little details haven’t changed through the years. The windowsill, the order of cups and plates in the kitchen, and also the abandoned bedroom where the smell of blood still found its way into my nostrils each time I opened the door.

Nine years ago, Father died by murder. He had suffered from leukemia and would cough blood heavily. Uncle Broslin had ordered several medications from across the town to cure his dear brother, but nothing seemed to work on him. Margareth, who once had a prominent reputation of being the most celebrated healer and had dealt with supernatural circumstances, came to our house to work on her magical hands. She made a special potion and gave him a silent prayer while sticking her right palm on my father’s forehead. Mother and my little brother Laurie waited anxiously beside his bed. Margareth said the medications would work in a week and he would be just fine.

We all trusted her. She was the greatest shaman that this town ever had. People said they had once witnessed Margareth vanishing all the deep wounds of a little boy who almost lost his arms due to diabetes. Her astonishing abilities were never doubted. It wasn’t hard to believe that father would surely be fine. But on days after the healing procedure, he had been found dead with deep knife stabs on his chest in the cave where he was working. No one knew who did it. He was still suffering from the symptoms two months after the medication. Rumors circulated that the potion that Margareth gave to my father was futile and impractical. Had he already been healed sooner, no one would’ve had a stinking chance to kill him.

And I was back in my hometown. Broke and adrift. Feeling helpless as ever as my dream to be an actress had just crashed. Father and I were always watching some old plays and reenacted some of the scenes in the living room. He told me how proud he would’ve been if I were to be an actress someday. That’s why coming back to this house again was such a disgrace. Dreams shattered as cursed memories returned. The same rash clouds were hanging above the sky, collaborating with cunningly giant rural trees for the horror of it all.

“Lena, would you come here and help me a little, honey?” Mother called me from downstairs. Her vacant voice struck my ears like an old melody I never heard often for a long time. I would help Mom for hours doing chores chivalrously. Her back had become fragile and I was too apprehensive that she was about to break it. Ever since my brother Laurie found his providence as a judge, he seldom came home to help. On his hard days, he would call me on the phone. Blabbering about his recent convicts and cases. But once in a while, the topic of father’s death would arise from nowhere. I assumed he became a judge because Father’s death triggered his hunger for justice.

“But what if the killer is still here, Lena? You’re telling me I have to be calm when the killer walks by freely in this town? Do you know how it feels demanding justice every day in court but never be able to do justice for my dearest father?” his wailing voice doddered through the phone.

I sighed. Whenever he started talking about the incident nine years ago, he would burst with overflowing angst and frustration. As his big sister, I conclude his pain is my pain. But I tried to hold back my agony to calm him down.

Knock! Knock!

Ever since father died, hardly anyone knocked on our door. I immediately bared the curtain and sneaked a look. An old woman with frizzy, volumized gray hair was standing on the patio signaling me to open the door. My head was puzzled. I creaked the door open just a few inches.

“Lena?”

“How do you know my name?” I shrieked.

“We met years ago when you were a little girl.” She said lightly.

“I can’t reminisce about anything with your figure in it.”

“I’m Margareth. This town once knew me as the greatest shaman who made magic potions and healed living creatures. Your father was my patient too once.” Her pitiful voice relinquished.

A blatant memory occurred through my head. This was the lady who should’ve brought my father to wellness, but instead delivered his death. Her gray hair made her unrecognizable.

“My career went downhill after my procedure with your father failed. The unsparing rumor spread like a disease. And since then, I have never been called to heal folks anymore.” I just let her proceed. “I feel responsible for your father’s passing, so I want to give this potion I have worked on for days, but you would have to drink it when the moon rises. It is nothing, my dear. It is genuinely nothing. But I hope it will clear the despair for a while. For both of us.” said Margareth with a pang of aching guilt. But I had no sorry for her.

I took the potion from her as she left with her wry farewell smile. And at midnight when the moon peaked high in the pitch-dark sky and the night owls signaled their existence, I gulped the potion out of curiosity.

I was suddenly awake in my old bed and couldn’t believe that I roamed the old environment I used to live my daily life in. It was my childhood bedroom filled with stickers and antique books. My head was dizzy and the whole scene felt like a déjà vu. I took a glance through the outside of my window. I found my father. Fit and carrying a sharp ax, making his way to the cave and stepping his foot on the pebbly road. I ran to chase him with gigantic excitement and screamed his name to throw my deep longing away. But every vibration that came out of my lungs never seemed to approach his ears. He just kept walking in a rush.

I walked a few meters before him. But then I saw Uncle Broslin squaring off right at the entrance of the cave. A knife gripped on his right hand. And as father walked past to get in, Uncle Broslin swung the sharp knife swiftly into my father’s chest. Blood spurted out from his heart, abruptly showered his shirt red altogether. I witnessed the whole scene in pure horror. As I tried to reach his sprawled body on the ground, my hands couldn’t touch his shape. That was when I realized I was invisible the whole time.

Tears were streaming down my cheek at this point. My mouth sensed the sour taste they made. Suddenly a familiar voice called my name from behind and I looked around. It was my father, glowing and charming as ever, standing across me just a few inches. I was startled as my heart exploded. I hugged him hastily and he hugged back tighter. It was my father’s spirit.

“I missed you so much, my child!” Father exclaimed with his tender voice. We both cried of sterling happiness and staring each other’s watery eyes beside his dead body.

And there he was telling me everything: About Uncle Broslin who had kept his jealousy for years about the fact that my father had several children whom he loved, unlike him who couldn’t have a child of his own. Jealousy is a mind killer, father often said. I couldn’t fathom the fact that he had to leave us so soon. Then he answered, “To die this way had been written by God long before I was here, my girl. No one could change that.” The words hung in the misty air. And he was right. Margareth wanted to heal him, but she failed. Because it is God who decides everything.

Father said he should’ve gone and put me back to sleep, so he left me a message: for me not to be afraid of chasing my dreams, to let the judgment be in the hands of God, but most importantly, not to be blinded by anger or prejudice.

The next day when I was awake, I was in my usual bed. This time, no stickers, no books. I already came back to the present. I decided to tell nobody about my time travel to prevent myself from being seen as insane. But three days after, Uncle Broslin came for thanksgiving. I had to act like he wasn’t a disgusting slaughter, and I succeed. Father must’ve been proud of me. Laurie and I also had a good laugh without mentioning father for once. The following weekend, I encountered Margareth picking oranges. She smiled immediately when she saw me, so I ran up to her to give a warm hug.

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