Dating : How to Force Yourself to Date When You Hate Dating: A Guide by Your Neighborhood Introvert

By Haley Bartel, Contributing Writer

It’s not really talked about, but there’s immense danger in daydreaming. When you allow yourself to exist in a fantasy separate from the world around you — one that you have full autonomy over — it’s easy to get lost there. And when the outside world that you’re neglecting is going up in flames, fantasy feels like the safer option.

I live in two separate worlds. There’s the world in my head and the world outside of it, and I’m constantly jumping back and forth between the two. They do not coexist, and I always have to neglect one for the sake of the other. Lately, because of how fucked the pandemic has the outside world, the world in my head has been overly nurtured. And it’s becoming unhealthy.

This is why, in spite of my reserved nature, I’m writing this column.

There’s nothing in the world that brings me more physical pain than the idea of going on a first date. I’d actually rather be waterboarded than forced to sit with a stranger and wrack my brain for ways to make myself seem appealing and normal (a skill I’ve lost considerably during the pandemic). But I’ve always neglected my romantic life in favor of whatever exists inside of my head, and though this might have been fine as a teenager, I’m now 21 and I’m convinced if I don’t break these habits I’ll be alone forever. So, being the rational person I am, I decided the only solution is to subject myself to my own personal hell and publish it in the sake of self-improvement and also journalism!

Admittedly, I am a hopeless romantic (ew), and I do have a deep seated need for love (gross). However, like I mentioned earlier, I get so in my head about it that I don’t even feel the need to let it play out in real life. Let’s say, for example, I meet someone at a bar (pre-pandemic, of course), and I start to like them. Say I get their number, follow them on Instagram, and plan to reach back out and see if they’d want to hang out. Before I even get the chance to wait a reasonable amount of time to talk to them, I’ve already planned out the course of our relationship and our inevitable break-up. By then, it seems pointless to even try anything, because I’ve already seen how it’ll go.

I realize this is self-destructive behavior, which is why I’m doing this. I don’t trust myself to go on dates of my own volition, so I’m hoping this column will hold me accountable.

Throughout the course of this column, I plan on going on at least one (1) COVID-safe date. I want to use this space to document the whole experience — the talking stage, the date itself, and how it made me feel. I’m hoping I might gain a few of my social skills back and, as ridiculous as this sounds, learn something about myself.

“How to Force Yourself to Date When You Hate Dating” will be a reoccurring column unique to Sincere. Stay tuned for future installments and stories; for inquires about contributing contact pitchsincere@gmail.com.