Dating : A Killer Among Us

“I have this feeling, this feeling inside,” said Kate as everyone entered the darkened living room with the cold fireplace and a computer screen playing static. She hugged her arms around herself and sat on the couch. “This house is haunted, this house will all bring us to madness! And we will die, one by one!”

Everyone was silent for a few seconds as they all stared at the wonderful way Kate had applied her makeup.

“Yeah, I have that feeling too,” said Ashley as she rubbed her tummy and wrapped herself in a blanket she found. “I don’t know if this relevant or not, but I found Jake’s corpse hanged by a meat hooker in the restroom. I looked in the mirror and there he was! And considering what Kate said and what I saw I think there is a correlation or perhaps even… a causation, huh?”

“I also had that feeling… when we ate the mushrooms… and everything went pretty funny,” said Ben, as he swallowed another mushroom began to massage his throat. His eyes looked kindly into every direction and his words slurring by the second. “I think someone here is trying to kill us.”

“Someone among us. Maybe not a strange phenomenon,” said Vincent whose head was swollen with beer and drugs. “Someone among us is out to kill us one by one.”

“But who?” asked Jane as she moved around in the floor like worm.

“Maybe is someone who hates all of you,” said Warren, the Knife-Slasher as his friends affectionally called him whenever he went into one of his murderous rages. “Someone who has hated you more and more, who has fallen into the deep end and cannot look back anymore, someone who has let himself wallow in the dark and path and now dreams of killing you and making you suffer for his pleasure and amusement. Someone who will do everything to get what he wants.”

“No, I don’t think so,” said Ashley as Warren got hold of the blanket and began wrapping it around Ashley’s neck and slowly tourniqueted it. “Why would anyone want to kill us? We are the nicest people I know…. Gah… ah… ah… ah… ah…”

“Wait, guys,” said Ben as he danced sexily and Ashley’s limp ex-body fell. “This is just what the killer wants. For us to mistrust each other. But we cannot let that happen. I know you guys. You are my friends and I will never think anything bad about you.”

Kate’s eyes were filled with tears, Vincent gave a thumbs up before he dropped himself over Ashley’s very sleepy, immovable body. Warren went over to Ben and hugged him as he silently thanked him for his kind words before putting a knife through his neck and causing blood to burst all over the living room. After 10 minutes of dozing off, Kate and Vincent stood up.

“It can’t be!” said Kate, terrified and horny. “Ben’s dead! Ashley, help!”

“She is dead too,” said Vincent and tripped over his own feet. He started crying. “No, no, no. I was going to tell her that I loved her tonight and that she was a Sexy Bunny.”

“Me too,” said Kate and threw Ashley’s body off the couch and she stared into Vincent’s saddened eyes. “It was you! You killed her because she would not go out without you! Warren! It was Vincent all along!”

“Don’t listen to her, Warren,” said Vincent as he stood up as he watched both Kate, mad and crazy, and Warren with the knife in his hand and the blood all over his shirt and mouth. “She did it! She was jealous that Ashley was going to choose me and whip her tail in my general direction.”

“Well, I think Ashley liked Ben because of his sexy dance moves,” sighed Warren. His eyes moved lazily from Kate to Vincent. “But… I believe… um… I… I guess… I guess… I believe…mmm… Kate!”

“No! Warren! No!”

“Here you go!” said Warren with a smile. “Have my knife and avenge Ashley, Ben… Jake…and all of you guys’ parents.”

Kate pushed herself toward Vincent who, too tired and dizzy to do anything, could not stop the knife from going into his gut. He staggered around for a few a seconds, as Kate watched stupefied by drugs. He finally fell silent and Kate put her hands in her mouth.

“It’s all over now. The killer’s dead,” said Kate. Warren sighed behind her.

“No… it’s now over…”

“You think you know someone and then, suddenly one day, they go on a massacre and kill all of your friends.”

“Yeah but he was not the killer, I’m afraid,” said Warren as he got closer and closer to Kate. Kate looked at him dumbfounded.

“OK then, who was the killer, Knife-Slasher?”

“It was me.”

Kate fainted.

“Hey, wake up!” said Warren as he shook her body. “I haven’t told you how I planned this and why… damn it! Damn it, it is no fun if you are sleeping! You are the worst friend ever!”

And Warren was going to kill her right then and there but he accidentally tripped over his own big clown shoes and stuck his own knife into himself and died. When Kate woke up, she was very sad, and decided to move away, and nine months later, she had Jake’s cute, little baby triplets, and then she thought she had found peace, but then one day Warren showed up in her house and said I’m not really dead and Kate was like very scared but Warren said that he was not a friend killer anymore, just a random general killer, and he forgave Kate and they made the peace and then Kate was very happy that there was no killer among us anymore.