Dating : An Experience with Online Dating

So, being at home in the last 4 months gave me enough time to try a lot of things that I would not have otherwise. It began with one of my friends talking about casual sex and I ventured to float a survey among my not so judgemental peer group to understand if its picking up in India. One thing led to another and the topic landed on online dating apps.

I have largely heard about Tinder being the hook up app ( so much so that one of my guy friends openly acknowledges that it is silly to expect to find a serious relationship through Tinder). So, when another guy friend said Hinge is probably a better alternative I ventured to see how it is different. Now, I understand that these are individual opinions and am not on a mission to prove either of them as right or wrong. I just wanted to see what the fuss was all about.

So as what any logical/ curious person would do, I set up an account on Hinge. And even before I put my first picture up ( the app has a requirement to put up atleast a couple of pictures currently); I was getting matches ! Well, I d be lying if I said I dint enjoy the attention, but my rational mind was still working and was mocking the possibility of finding a serious relationship already.

I got 10 free “like” options and used them in the first hour of being on the app after finishing my profile. Some of them responded back, but I got atleast 10 times as many new matches who were a mix of weird to nice people over the next few hours. The app has a chat feature which is so well designed that it very successfully makes you engage ( big claps for the guy who designed it , amazing insight into human psychology ..must admit) with those who have shown an interest in you.

But after 7 hours on the app and one guy asking me for my number , I decided I had enough and instead shared my Insta account with the gentleman as a kind gesture. It took me a walk in the rain and some amount of good reading to get over the emotional exhaustion during the day. I went back to the friend who suggested the app and had a decent fight/ argument for about an hour for suggesting such a hopeless way of finding a relationship, at the end of which we agreed to disagree. I put the episode behind me and went on with life as usual.

The gentleman who was interested to stay in touch on Insta was nice enough to continue chatting. I am not active on Insta as much and he asked for my number again, so that we could chat on Whatsapp and I politely refused, saying I am not comfortable sharing my number with strangers. We spoke a couple of times limited to one liners about work and other things. At one point I asked him , how long was he on Hinge and he said “sometime”.

I was interested to know what kept people on the app for “sometime”. Anyone who has been working in the app design area would know engagement and retention are two key factors that drive the success for consumer apps. I understood that the app s UX was really well done to ensure engagement,( must admit I spent an entire day while working alongside on the app, despite knowing that it s not going to be helpful right from the start). But what was driving retention? Why are people on the app for so long and not quitting it?

As my second attempt and to some extent to not be judgemental about online dating, I registered again as a different user to see if I could find some answers. This time around, was not much different..but after my last time, I did not want to use my 10 likes anymore. So I just created a profile ( which did not have a picture of me, but just 2 random pics that reflected my interests) and waited. Thankfully, I dint have to wait for long.

Remember, the gentleman who was polite enough to understand that I was not going to share my number earlier? He liked this profile of mine as well and had the same questions which he had earlier when I was there for the first time on the app. He was chatting with me on Insta on one side, while liking my alternate profile on the dating app. That was a bit amusing and sad at the same time, if I must say. I felt bad for the guy and understood what was driving his behaviour on the app and keeping him hooked there.

It was hope. Hope that he d find someone who d actually be interested in him and would take it forward to a relationship . Or maybe the hope that he d have a good time with a stranger who wanted the same. It took me back to the argument I had with with my friend earlier. And I was glad that we agreed to disagree. To each their own it is and I wish good luck to all those on these apps. As another friend once said a few years ago, “ Taking hope away from someone is a terrible thing to do”. I had then replied saying “ Giving flase hope is not fair either”.