Dating : Are Monogamous Relationships a Thing of the Past?

How much of what you do and who you are is a choice and not just what you’ve been told your whole life about who you should be and what you should do? It starts at birth — pink for girls and blue for boys. From who we love to how we love, people have been forced into boxes by parents, friends, government, and media…just to mention a few.

For many of us, those boxes are fine, but for others, they are stifling…like being stuck in an elevator with no way out. Those who do step out of the box risk being ostracized and ridiculed.

You would have to be living in a cave to not have seen the news story of Congresswoman Katie Hill. The Congresswoman resigned after it was alleged that she had been in a throuple with her husband and another woman. If you’re like me, it might have been the first time you heard the word throuple, but it did explain a few things — namely why I can’t find a partner in New York when the city is swarming with men. It’s not the fact that I’m a hermit and refuse to leave the house. No. It’s the fact that the stock is lower because people are now tripling up.

I can’t judge the Congresswoman. I wholeheartedly believe that monogamy is not for everyone. I’ve always felt that the idea of being monogamous is more aspirational than realistic. In fact, I believe that is one of the reasons why the divorce rate is so high. We have this notion that has been fed to us that you’re supposed to fall in love with one person, get married, start a family, and live the rest of your lives happily ever after.

Yes, the idea of having someone love me and only me for the rest of my life fills me with warm, bubbly feelings — but just like champagne, eventually, those bubbles burst, and all you’re left with is a flat drink and a bad aftertaste.

“In the animal kingdom, when it comes to mating, promiscuity is the rule rather than the exception. About 90 percent of mammals have multiple mates, and cheating on social mates is observed in almost all species. In fact, only 3 to 10 percent of mammals are even socially monogamous.”

One of the significant problems with marriage is that people go into it with these idealistic beliefs. Some believe that after we fall in love, our eyes glaze over, and we are no longer capable of being attracted to anyone else. When the truth of this falsehood is unveiled, it’s like a slap in the face. If we went into marriages with our eyes open and knowing the reality of what to expect, I believe that we would have a lower divorce rate. The truth of the matter is that marriage is hard, and the only way it will work is if both parties are willing to put in the effort. I truly believe every couple should have to go to marriage counseling before they commit.

Even in saying that, I know that polyamory is not for me. The idea of compromising my life to accommodate one person already gives me hives — I can’t imagine having to do that for multiple people. I shudder at the thought. Where in the hell would you find the time to fit multiple partners into your life? Where would you find the patience? Where would you find the stamina to satisfy multiple lovers? That’s a lot of spinach to eat.

Is polyamory for you? If the word “committed” sounds like the word “fu***d” to you, then maybe. Whatever choice you make, let it be made by you and not some antiquated idea fed to you by others.