Dating : By Zethu Zwane

By Zethu Zwane

07 January 2021

Can I be brutally honest, like haven’t even told some of my friends kinda honest; those conversations are exhausting and damaging because expectations make it seem like you will factory reset the man.

Have you ever had a conversation with a friend and felt like “Girrl… girrrrrrl… baby girrrrrrrrl that’s some abusive beliefs coming out of your mouth right now?”

Or you in the car or train and your other friend is talking about how wild and loud her family is.

Then you’re like “girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl nobody is suppose to talk to you like that,” while sitting at the dinner table dodging a plate from the drunk uncle? Well that’s toxic beliefs mudded into normalized behavior and worldviews.

Let’s talk about toxic beliefs because we all have them. They are muddy, messy, unclear and more twisted than a colorful unicorn chameleon.

Toxic beliefs become emotional clutter aka your emotional roommates that pay no rent when they are merge with what looks like logical beliefs.

And trust me I got licked across the face at a date once, so I definitely don’t want someone controlling how I react to their actions!

For instance I believe most people enter into dysfunctional relationships on a basis of “I want someone who will make me their world.”

Yet when the relationship fails they don’t see that the persona may be struggling with personal limitations to commit. Instead it’s the usual “I will never find love,” yet that is not the case. Check out Sophia Reed’s amazing post on feeling tired of being heartbroken. Life saver, but ..

That’s a muddy toxic because it’s been baked with a one sided understanding of #relationshipgoals ! For one here there is an expectation and that expectations sometimes supersedes the reality. It’s the wanting to control someone and the outcomes of how you are treated as opposed to seeing the person and allowing them to exist with all their imperfections.

As a result of beliefs we have, we don’t look close enough to see another person struggling to understand themselves.

If you’d love to take me on the road, go to Zwane’s Fitness Mission right here.

Think about it; how many girls face times end up with 200 possible scenarios of how they guy is about to treat you.

Honestly can I be brutally honest, like haven’t even told some of my friends kinda honest; those conversations are exhausting and damaging because expectations make it seem like you will factory rest the man.

I mean Honestly think about it.

How many of you have female friends that take one text from the guy and turn it into “why doesn’t he like me, I hate myself,” before freaking out and refusing to go out.

I’m just saying it took me 2 hours to dress up because I already siked myself to sleep in this weekend! Just saying, but how many of you go there?

Can you imagine I sat there for a good 1 hour wanting to text him miss you, but all kept popping up in my head was the craze texts I saw my friends send… you know what I’m talking about those ones that start with 50 questions marks running down the screen.

These conversations drain me and I’m refusing to continue them because honestly think about it. All we’ve done is panic and then when you find yourself in a normal relationship and nothing has happened, you panic.

Like out of thin air panic. No this is how toxic behavior shapes toxic beliefs, and I’m #sorrynotsorry but it must end. I started speaking out to my friends because both our emotional health are important.

As a friend, you have to also set the boundary of “does this teach me to be understanding,” or jam a gadget up a guy so he does what I want. And trust me I got licked across the face at a date once, so I definitely don’t want someone controlling how I react to their actions!

To continue reading, head on over to my blog… it gets better right here!