Dating : Coercion

“I am uncomfortable, suffocated, drowned in excruciating existential dread. Jesus Christ! Just leave me alone. Go away. Stop it. Release your grip, release your piercing daggers from my body; get out of my head.

Okay. What, what, what? There’re no pills in the house, the alcohol’s all gone. What about a scalpel? No, we got rid of all of those after the last time. Do I have anything to fashion a noose with? Maybe use the door. No, fuck that. What about razor blades?

No. Think.”

MSG: Hey, can you come over I’m not feeling so good

MSG: Why? What’s wrong?

MSG: Nothing. I just don’t feel well. I need you

MSG: Okay. Have you done anything?

MSG: No

MSG: Okay. Have you been drinking?

MSG: Yes

MSG: You know you shouldn’t be drinking so much

MSG: I know. Please come.

MSG: Fine. I’ll be there in an hour.

10am. She breathed a sigh of relief whilst curling up into a foetal position, clasping tightly to the duvet covers.

“Okay. Not long now”

The room reflected her sloven state; used clothing piled up around the edges of the bed, empty bottles, cans, half eaten stale food, whilst the smell of cigarette smoke and cheap wine lingered throughout the eight by twelve air space.

Still. Silent. Then — the doorbell. Her pupils contracted. A disoriented jolt out of bed. Wayward legs. The night-latch turned.

“Hey”

“Were you asleep just then?”

“Uh. Dunno, must’ve been.” Her eyes flicker up and down, reading him for that alluring safety, his face soft but disconcerting. His eyes exasperatingly sunken with deep marine hued tear troughs in contrast to his bulging, high lifted rosy cheeks. Dressed in a Ralph Lauren polo and denim jeans; an attire inconsistent with the man she knew, she finished at his shoes, registering a set of work boots that only perplexed her further. Her gaze raised to his chest where she concluded her assessment. Reaching out her arms her face fell into his chest and they embraced.

“So, what have you been doing then? What’s up with ya?”

He followed her into the bedroom with a spritely spring to his step, watching her collapse onto the bed. He began pacing and observing the room, picking up various articles that littered the room.

“Mmh — well? … oh dear. Look at this place.”

“I just… can’t do life anymore. I don’t know. Too much work. I’m shit at work — fail everything. What’s the point in any of it? I just don’t want to exist anymore.”

“No, you’re not, you have a good job.”

“And I’m just gonna end up as a stupid cat lady. No kids — nu-thing. Left in the dumpster heap because I’m too fucked up for anyone decent to ever want me. I’m already past my prime and I have nothing to show for myself. I’ve achieved nothing — all I do is get drunk because the torment is too great. I can’t do it anymore. I want out. Out of this body and out of life” The tears began to stream.

“Don’t be silly, you’ve got plenty of time!”

Before entering her bed, he began to undo his belt and unbutton his jeans, stripping them down to his ankles, stomping each foot interchangeably before completely remove them and placing them delicately on the adjacent chair.

“What are you doing that for?”

“Uh, its more comfortable without them.”

“Oh right… goon”

As he reclined back next to her, she snuggled into the crevasse under his left arm.

“Hmm indeed” He looked her up and down, her tears now rested still, whilst rubbing his hand against her upper thigh.

“Mmm…”

“I just don’t know what do anymore… I’m completely lost.”

“Just stop worrying!! You’ve got plenty of time and it’ll all come toge’her and you’ll find someone”

“Can we not go get some alcohol? Can you go get some alcohol?”

“Haven’t you had enough already? You can’t carry on drinking.”

“Yes, I need more!” As she clasped tightly around his chest. “Pleaseeee”

“Eurghh.” He paused. “Hmm… let me see puss puss first”

“Uh no” She squirmed.

“Please. Then I’ll get you some”

“Eurgh, no. I’m gross at the moment.”

“No, you’re not… It doesn’t matter.” He began to attempt to pull down her pyjama bottoms down. “Come on, let me see.”

“Eurgh, no” She squirmed. “Can’t you just go get some wine?!”

He raised himself up and moved towards the middle of the bed. He knelt by her feet, as she watched him attempt to pull down her pyjama bottoms again.

“Come on, it’ll be fun” He pulled the pyjama bottoms and nickers cleanly from her legs. Her eyes became vacant, with a cloud casting over them, as she now lay there half naked.

“Eurgh…” with grimace she watched how he began taking his boxers off and then firmly grasped each of her thighs, whilst holding a fix gaze on her pubic area. “Alright, happy now?” as she attempted to retrieve her pyjama bottoms.

“No, let me — just a little”

She observed him shuffle closer towards her whilst maintaining his fixation; noticing his belly creeping out from under his top, she followed the trail of body hair from his navel down to his pubic. His pubic hair eclipsed the shaft of his penis, whilst being encased by his two fingers and thumb, with the head situated just above. The head looked enflamed and trapped by the foreskin, like an elastic band wrapped around your finger too tightly.

“Eurgh, why?! I’m all gross” as she attempted to pull her legs together with little force.

“No you’re not… it’s pretty.”

“Oh, right”

He directed his penis towards her vulva and attempted to insert it. She felt him entering with little impact, whilst she turned her head to the side, staring at the chair that now held its new use as a clothes horse for his jeans. He breathed heavily whilst thrusting, his pace began to build momentum. Her eyes welled, with a single tear run from the corner of her eye down the side of her face. She sighed. Whilst retaining eye contact on the chair, she pulled the pillow just above her head over her face and held it there with both hands as he continued.

Minutes later he looked up and saw that she had covered her face with a pillow. “Argh! I’m not going to be able to cum” He withdrew from her and began pulling at his foreskin.

She pulled down the pillow, the rosy tint had now left his cheeks with a look of anguish set deep within his eyes.

He pointed the head of his penis towards his face and attempted to examine it. “I think there’s something wrong with it anyways. It’s too tight — sorry.”

“What’s wrong?” She sat up and felt her brain thunder with her vision blackening at the sides.

“I don’t know. Said on google its some condition you can get — pheemosis or some’hing” He got up from the bed and began pacing the room.

“Oh — should probably go get it checked out… Shouldn’t have done it anyways.” She looked around the bed to retrieve her pyjama bottoms.

“Ahhh. I know. I’m sorry”

“Okay — but why then? Do you still love me?”

“Eurgh… as a friend, yes”

“Well why did you do that then if you don’t love me?”

“I don’t know… cause your special.” He began looking around hastily and then checked his phone for the time. “Right, I’ll go to the shop.”

She sat there in silence hugging a pillow, her eyes fixed like a china doll as she watched him quickly put on his boxers and jeans.

“Right, I won’t be long” He exited the bedroom, scrambled for his work boots and then picked up her keys from the worktop in the kitchen.

The front door slammed shut.

“Oh gawd” She sighed to herself. “Okay. It’s fine.” She took a big deep breath. “It’s all-okay. We’ll have wine soon and then we can go back to oblivion… Sweet, sweet oblivion.” A lump in her throat began to throb and more tears cascaded down her cheeks. Her chest began hyperventilating. “Oh jeez- just calm down. It’s okay” She curled up into the duvet once more and her breathing returned to a normal pace after a few more deep breathes. She shut her eyes tightly. A few moments past till she slipped into a shallow sleep.

She awoke to the door slamming shut once more.

“Right. Here.” As he placed a bottle of red wine on edge of her desk.

“Hm. Thank you” as she peered out of her duvet.

“Right. I’ve got to go. You’ll be okay now”

“Are you not staying longer?”

“No, I need to go”

“Can’t you stay longer?”

“No, I need to get back. Sarah finishes work soon”

“Oh right — why are you even with her? Can’t exactly like her” She lifted herself up and reached over to grab a glass from the bedside cabinet.

“Erhh, yes I do!”

“Right.” She threw the duvet cover to one side and staggered out of bed and towards her desk, grabbing the wine bottle frivolously. Cracking the screw top open, she poured it into the glass whilst glaring at him by the corner of her eye. She registered the agitation in his demeanour.

“Hm — just don’t give a shit, do you?” She snapped; whilst losing her balance she staggered back, spilling red wine onto the desk and carpet.

“Yes, I do.” as he stomped his foot. “Look I need to go; I’ll speak to you soon.”

“Eurgh. Fine. Bye.” He attempted to hug her from behind and her head dropped.

“Alright. You’ll be fine. Just don’t go drinking all of this.” as he rubbed her arm.

Her eyes followed his feet as they left the bedroom and then the front door slammed shut for the last time.

She took a prolonged sip of wine and returned to her bed, carefully placing the glass on the bedstand. She laid back onto the pillows and stared vacantly at the blank tv screen.

“Well done — you stupid fucking whore.”

After another large gulp, she passed out.