Dating : Confessions from A Distance Forever My Best Friend

If you are reading this, good! I have your undivided attention and hope you are doing well. It’s been a minute since we talked and truthfully I miss our love conversations from early evening until the crack of dawn. Well, we grew from that but remember that moment we met online?

MSN Chat in 2002, inside of my former parents room. It was officially my step dad’s, long story between you and I, but I will express it to the general public at a later time. Let me unwind a bit and express my interest towards you, a stranger that I may meet in future tense of the past. You loved my way with words and appreciated my patience. Unfortunately, we rush our feelings a tad bit my friend.

Remember when you ran out the house to see me, even though I got off at the wrong bus stop? Fight ensued between your mother and my endless trips on the bus made this the meetup from hell. Yet, once we met it was like two a likes finally seeing each other’s differences. It wasn’t a bad thing, but it wasn’t a good thing at the same time. For every hug we gave, you gave me hell back. The constant jokes that hurt my feelings. The cheating despite your claims that you didn’t accomplish such things. Your lack of showing love, despite you deeply being in love with me.

I was crazy for you as well. To the point, I called out from work just to share our inner passions. Man, those were the days. Your lips against mines, while you held me awaiting my forbidden passions. You taught me the other side of sex that made me the fiend I used to be. Wink Wink lol, you know what I mean. However, you don’t know what it meant when I burnt pictures of you when you told me that I wasn’t up to your level.

I mean, what’s wrong with me? I don’t know how I can express myself to you without you destroying my self esteem. For every gift I gave you, you gave me an empty hand. Sometimes the hand used to caress my shoulders, while the other times it would give me the middle finger. Remember our favorite song by Glenn Lewis? “This Love”?

I tried to sing that to you outside the park and you were wishing for singing lessons for me. Those were the days, especially our escapades from the apartment steps to the middle of the playground after dark. We made passionate love to the point it was like a erotic book you find at the Dollar Store. I remember that time you introduced me to your love without a glove to cover myself. It was like another world and I walked home that night in a daze.

Yet, years from then we would be off and on. Like the bus I used to take to see you at your complex. I threw every relationship away just to hold you onto a pedestal. I had no one in my life but you, even though that almost ended my life. You were my life preserver with a cement brick hanging off my ankle. I enjoy every bubble from the lifeless sea that I gasp for you to come rescue me.

We were Bonnie and Clyde with our troll antics. Like those times on the party line where we played characters to the lonely and desperate. Mean spirited but it was so funny. You gave me the bit of confidence that I never thought would prevail in my time of despair. A broken youth in a cold city trying to understand which direction to go towards.

Your darkness was my true light within my eye. Like….let me go deeper to the time of your depression pushing your buttons. You dare to talk suicide, while I got on the phone for a 30 minute session to talk you off the ledge. Your tears were genuine, but forgettable. As the next few years we went back and forth on our inner battles. You wanted love from your mother, I wanted love from myself. Sadly we don’t know such things until now.

Around 2009, you told me that you got shot and ended up paralyzed temporarily. It scared the living hell out of me because it was behind plated glass. I would have been in the pool of blood with you if it was my choice. Yet, God has an interesting take on life woes. For you, it was finding your self worth which I often plead to you, while me…well….it was the same. We were both broken angels without wings trying to seek redemption. The last time we talked, you found out my mother died and yes…I was behind plated glass. I didn’t go to the funeral, I was stuck in South Carolina, and I had a falling out with my brother. All of these things are hard to bear and yes the story gets deeper on the next episode folks. So stay tuned to that juicy episode.

Any-who, I just want to tell you that I miss you terribly. Like our song by Donnell Jones called “Come Back”. I don’t miss our relationship, but our kindred friendship. It was something out of a movie or a tv show and we got awards all over the walls. Supporting cast members we were in this life. Right now we would be joking hard about this sad state of affairs. Corona-virus, politics, etc. Man we have so much material to make the most raunchy comedians blush with glee. Sadly, this is just a right off from the list that I made to live with the regrets of my past.

You weren’t a mistake, but a brilliant mess that helped mold me into the man that I am now for my son and wife. I thank you so much for every late night joke remedy, for every love session, for every bad word thrown at me, and most of all for all the bad memories because they made me appreciate the good ones even more.

Forever my friend you will be, eternity you shall see me in the distant future. You and I will destroy every sad presence in our paths. They are not ready for us, but for now….let me leave you in the past.

Forever my best friend…I thank you then, now, and in another life.