Dating : Date Night for Introverts: The Romantic Spaces I Wish Existed

Too many of our spaces and places in society are too loud, too objectifying, and too ignorant. Can we change that?

As an introvert, I really enjoy date nights at home. I love wearing what I feel comfortable in (hint: it’s a robe) and the energy, tone, volume, and feel of the space is all ours. We set the scene, have amazing conversations, and enjoy food and maybe, wine, and movies that do not cost tons of dollars or mental energy.

My fiance and I have a wonderful system of communication, respect, kindness, laughter, appreciation, and we both enjoy being able to spend quality time together every night and then, simply walking to the bedroom when we are tired.

Sometimes though, yes, people might want to go on dates that are in the outside world. And because I am supportive and brave, and he is not as much of an introvert as I am, I want to give my fiance some balance in how we spend our date time. So, I try.

However, let me say, it is very hard. I hate bars. I hate them. I hate being around drinking and drunkenness. I hate being in loud spaces. Ugh. And I do not like casinos — big date night spaces where we live.

And sometimes restaurants that are trendy and nice are also insanely loud and crowded. And nightclubs — no, dear God no, — it’s like someone wanted to design a place where people act like drunken idiots that devalues human intelligence and encourages the culturally soulless idea that people are objects and the music is bad too?

Is there no space that can accomodate intelligence, respect, and fun? Is there no space that can allow for quality time, foster meaningful intentional human connection, while having nice and woke entertainment as background? Is there no space that can provide a somewhat social outside of the home space for a good introvert date night?

Here’s a few ideas, both real and imagined, both close enough and far off dreams:

Good Places, Real and Imagined, for Introvert Date Nights

1). A bookstore

A bookstore is a magical place at all times. And it is my favorite place to go on a date with my love, or spend time with my child. Or go by myself. So, I think, the thing about introverts, or me anyway, is that if a space can be delightful no matter who you are with, and it encourages thinking, respect, kindness, and learning, then it is a good space for an introvert date night.

What I love about bookstores and date night is the combination of being ‘out’ and also being able to have deep conversations with my partner about what we see, what books we pick up and browse through, and I love the romantic and adorable act of taking him by the hand to show him my favorite section and maybe, ok, because love is awesome and sweet, giving him a nice kiss in between the stacks.

2). A coffee shop, with books, and quiet music

Now this is a bit different, but also, sure, similar to a bookstore. But, the focus is on the coffee shop feel and also, some quiet — not loud, not annoying, not blasting — music, live music or music on a stereo, — and also, it would be really nice to have little shelves of used books, and maybe board games, scattered about the place. This has an educational, respectful, quiet, and sweet feel already! I would love to have a place like this to hang out in, — where I could count on silence, peace, and fun. We could drink coffee, talk, look at the old books, talk about them, see what board games sound silly or interesting, and just feel good being together in a place that has shown that it values human connection. A dream!

3). A quiet restaurant where everyone gets booths

Can I get an Amen? Because who wouldn’t love this. All booths. Not loud. Good food. Not loud.

4). An author talk, science talk, philosophy talk, some kind of event where the focus is on listening to someone smart speak about something smart

I like this idea because it involves going out, sure, part of the whole point, right? And it involves learning something new, or being in a space where the focus is on adding to knowledge, intelligence, and growing, rather than most other spaces where the focus is on escaping, dumbing down, faking, — right? So, taking my love to a nice academic nerd talk, and then maybe going to have coffee or, ok, going home to our couch for a glass of wine after, to talk about the speaker’s main points, what we thought, what we would like to learn more about, what we agreed with, disagreed with, etc — sounds just lovely.

5). A movie theater with couches and old movies

I am freaking out just thinking of the beautiful possibility of this dream space. Movies, aka going out, but, classic and cozy. The seating — couches. The films — old. The ambiance — romantic and comforting. I would love to sit with my love on a couch, a nice one that is not like a home couch, but like a movie theater or fancy furniture store couch, and watch old movies like The Thin Man, Sabrina, Some Like it Hot and have this be a sweet night out. The place could have movie theater food, maybe some wine, but the focus would be on being together, being cozy, and enjoying quality classic films.

7). Nature, sometimes

Some nature, sometimes. Quiet, peaceful, with places to stop and rest, sit and talk, and not too many bugs or other people. A walk around a lake, a trip to the beach at the hour when most people are packing up to head home, or a picnic someplace beautiful. Nature is peaceful and romantic. It is calming and exciting at the same time. It gives people positive things to look at and talk about. The natural environment is a gift, and it provides a space where two people can be alone and focus on each other with intent, authenticity, and joy, surrounded by moments of true beauty.

Not Our World, For Now

Some of these spaces exist. Some of them don’t. Not yet anyway. This world is not set up, right now, to value introvert values, or to prioritize the virtues of respect, equality, spirituality, intelligence, positive personal growth. It is full of spaces that are not conducive to learning, to sharing meaningful conversations, or to upholding any of the psychological tenets of self-acceptance, loving who you are, and not having to fake things to fit in.

In other words, there’s a lot of shallowness and numbness out there. We are supposed to think drinking is the epitome of fun and of letting loose. We are supposed to think it is normal to be in spaces where women do not feel safe (blech, “meat markets” insert sick emoji) and where it is loud for louds sake.

None of this is actually normal, none of this is actually what benefits people, as individuals or as couples trying to connect.

So, for now, home is my favorite place, for almost all things, but especially for creating an environment of love, romance, quality connection, and for enjoying uplifting and inspiring bits and pieces of culture that can contribute to personal and relationship growth in positive and fun ways.