Dating : Dating Tips for Building Your Relationship

Congratulations, your first date was a rousing success! Now, it’s time for some pointers on how to keep your momentum and eventually reach home base (whether it be a long-term relationship or marriage):

Relax and Don’t Be Overly Aggressive: So, you’ve had such a great time and you can’t wait to hear back from Prince Charming. But, day 1 goes by and no call. Day 2 and no call. This is not the time to panic or text him as to why hasn’t he contacted you. Relax, this issue is more a function of our gender differences. According to a study, 48% of women like to follow up after a first date within 24 hours. Whereas, 68% of men prefer to play it cool and wait 72 hours before following up.
Don’t Press the Fast Forward Key: Having a great first date doesn’t mean he’s you’re a couple. Thinking about and talking about marriage is a bit premature. Remember, Optimistic but Realistic Expectations!
Don’t Expect the Man to Pay for Subsequent Dates: Chances are you date does not have endless supplies of cash to pay for all future dates. So, at this stage you should offer to split or even treat him on some dates. You may also want to discuss this delicate subject so both of you can avoid the “Reach” or any awkwardness when it’s time to pay the bill.
Establish Your Communication Preferences: Everybody has their communicating style, whether it be text, talking on the phone, email, skype, or instant messaging. So, it will help your relationship by knowing what each of your communication preference is. One caveat is to make sure you do include a decent amount of face to face or talking on the phone as it allows you to get a better and deeper sense of communication and context. Texting and other online forms of written messages often lacks tonality, that is, the vibe of the message. And according to one study, 80% of singles prefer to talk on the phone. So, stop typing and start talking!
Don’t Play Hard to Get: Way back in the dinosaur ages, we were taught to “Play Hard to Get” after all men are hunters and they like the pursuit. “Hard to Get” can be a number of rude behaviors such as not returning calls or texts or delaying plans. Playing hard to get creates uncertainty, and studies have shown that people actually respond negatively to uncertainty. So instead of making you more desirable, it actually makes you less attractive. With dating apps, there are “Plenty of Fish” (like POF dating app!) in the water. You wouldn’t want to miss out on a potential “catch”?! Remember, you are not Scarlett O’Hara nor is he Rhett Butler. So, be real without false pretenses.
Don’t Be Too Needy and Demanding: Nothing turns off a potential partner than a needy person who demands 24/7 attention. Unless you’re a masochist, it’s doubtful that your mate will stay in this relationship.
Be Enthusiastic and Compliment Your Partner: Unlike in past times, there is nothing needy or wrong about be enthusiastic. Actually, people are drawn to upbeat people who are excited about life and them! Along the same lines, be generous of spirit and unafraid of complimenting your partner. While previous generations believed that giving compliments would put you at a disadvantage, compliments actually gives power to both parties while done authentically. It makes the other person feel better and more positive about your relationship. On the other hand, be wary of those who have difficulty complimenting others. This could be a sign of insecurity or a general lack of giving to others. When complimenting, remember to keep it to your partner’s qualities, not looks.
Do Be Active in Planning Dates: Along with not playing hard to get, do be involved as a co-partner in planning dates. Not only does it take a huge burden off of him, it establishes you as equal and unafraid to take the lead. It also shows him that you’re just as interested in developing a relationship as him because you are putting in mutual effort and interest. Planning activities also is a way to communicate what you like and will be a good indicator of compatibility if he balks at your suggestions. Besides, you just may be saving yourself a night of World Wide Wrestling!
Do Not Assume You Are in An Exclusive Relationship: Even if you’ve dated for several months, don’t assume that you’re in an exclusive relationship. In this new era, polyamorous relationships have become increasingly common. With the many dating apps offering new dates, some people may have difficulty settling into one relationship. Instead, these serials dating app users lurk on dating apps to feed their need for instant gratification and the “shiny new object”. If you’ve been dating for several weeks, it’s probably wise to have a discussion with your mate about his views on monogamy.
Make Sure You’re on the Same Page as Your Partner: Similarly, in addition to discussing your mate’s views on monogamy, it’s important to discuss what type of relationship your partner wants. Does he want your relationship to be just for fun and companionship? For sex? For a Long-Term Relationship not leading to marriage? Or One that leads to marriage.
It’s the Little Things in Life that Count: One often overlooked item that makes for a great relationship and bonding is doing small gestures of caring and affection such as thank you cards, phone calls when someone is having a bad day, a surprise gift that doesn’t have to be expensive but just thoughtful, a spontaneous date, or baked cookies. These types of gestures are the glue that helps to build goodwill, bonding, and intimacy.
Look for Signs of Compatibility: One of the key ingredients is your compatibility with your partner. Compatibility is not whether you share the same race or culture; but it is whether you can co-exist on a daily basis. Knowing that you’re incompatible early in your relationship will save you time and heartache. What to know if you’re compatible with your partner, take this quiz.
Sexting and #!? Pictures: If you’re comfortable, have been dating awhile, and trust your partner, it’s okay to sext. While many dating experts believe it’s okay to also share intimate #!? Pictures of yourself, Cocktail Chatter espouses a “Do Not Send Picture” belief. The reason is simple…you never know whether your partner will forward your intimate pictures, even if with good intentions and next thing you know it, it’s all over social media! Remember, times have changed. We may have been able to get away with our little indiscretions pre-Social Media times. Now, not so much! So, unless you don’t mind having intimate pics of you splashed all over the digital landscape, DON’T send these types of pictures to your dating mate.
Red Flag! Receiving Texts at Odd Hours: If you receive texts from your partner at odd hours with no offer of meeting, chances are you’ve got a jerk on your hand who’s either already in a relationship or is only interested in the “game of dating apps”. Run for the hills!
Do Feel Free to Discuss Serious Topics Provided That….: After you’ve dated awhile, it is important to learn more about your partner’s values and belief system. Do talk about money, sex, religion, and dare I say, politics so long as both of you show respect for each other’s beliefs even if it’s different from yours.
Never Ever Ghost Someone: For those of you who have never heard of this term, “ghosting” means to stop texting or calling someone without warning to let the other person know that the relationship is over. If you want to end a relationship, be upfront and communicate with your partner directly why you are ending the relationship. You could say something as simple as “I’m not feeling the chemistry” or “I don’t see a long-term relationship”. While it is uncomfortable to deliver bad news, it’s the mature and right things to do. It provides closure to both sides who can part on good terms.
Be Comfortable with Rejection: No one likes rejections. But you must brace yourself that the guys you’re madly in love with, isn’t madly in love with you. Remember dating is about finding the right match; it has nothing to do with your looks or personality. Remember, you’ve got to kiss many toads to get your frog.
Have Fun!!!: Finding the right mate take time and a ton of effort. But it doesn’t mean you can’t fun. Remember, life is a journey that is meant to be enjoyed, not just tolerated!