Dating : Dear white people, your black colleagues aren’t required to date

Office spaces are opening slowly again after the COVID-19 scare, and people are headed back to their desks. Now whether they’ll share the same cubicles or move further apart in shared offices is totally up to the company. But I have a simple request for the walking, talking OkCupid co-worker in the office: Please stop trying to hook up your black co-workers. Yes, it worked for Michelle Obama and Barack Obama. We know.

But just because two people in the office wear less suntan lotion than you does not mean they’re bound to get married next week and have 3.5 kids. And black folks can tell you’re doing it. We see that Cheshire grin on your face when the new brown-skinned (wo)man is hired. You’ve already got your, “Soooooo, are you single?” query locked and loaded. You’ve already spied the ring finger to see whether this person is off limits or not. And even if you’ve never even asked the only other black person in the office if (s)he’s taken or not, you’ve decided that this is bound to happen.

After all, co-workers are spending 40 hours (or more) together. You are just assuming that since we’re at work, we must want to date each other, amiright? (Side note: Is it not problematic that you’ve dismissed the idea that maybe this person may have a crush on someone non-black in the office? Some folks are indifferent when it comes to interracial dating.)

Recommended Read: “Dating black women: Interracial dating gone right and wrong ~ Step one: Stop talking about slavery at dinner”

For some people, the no-office-relations rule is lame. Yes, we know it happens, but there are those who (rightfully) just don’t want to be in the same love and livelihood environment at the same time. But the OkCupid co-worker is still convinced that they’ll fall in love at the sight of each other’s melanin.

You don’t have to give us that eyebrow raise every time we pass each other in the hallway. You don’t have to loudly say our names to make sure the other person knows how to pronounce it. And stop bringing up the other black person’s name nonstop and completely off topic, as though we already know each other. It’s possible we don’t. (Full disclosure: We do. We usually give each other that “hey, other black person in the office” look the millisecond we meet. But that’s not your business.)

But what should black colleagues do when they actually are interested in each other and want to date? In my professional opinion, deny and deny some more. I did. And here’s why.